Sometimes Sage, Sometimes Silly

2010-10-11T14:26:00.000-07:00

More about Jose...

For those from my missions blog who wanted to know more about my Jose, here is a quick summary! :)

Jose is a student at Universidad Central de Venezuela (UCV). He is currently studying Petroleum Engineering, but will finish in 2012, Lord willing, and after that plans to continue in University ministry or perhaps help plant a new MUF church* in another city in Venezuela. Jose plays the bass guitar at church and has just been asked to be the official Director of University Ministry for MUF.

Jose has lived in Caracas for 10 years, but his parents live about 8 hours from here. He and his brother live in a residence, (what we would call a boarding house) because there are no dorms for university students. One of Jose's dreams is to open the first private dorm in Caracas which would house up to 120 students and would be a bridge to reaching these students for Christ by first meeting their need for a safe and healthy place to live. There is a house for sale that MUF may buy that houses 13 and would be our starting point.

How we met:
Jose and I met at church when I first came to Caracas in May 2009, but we did not get to know one another until I returned in April after spending 9 months in Valencia. The week I returned, there was a Student Leadership Conference for all the MUF churches in Venzuela being hosted here at MUF Caracas and Jose was in charge of logistics. He drew me a map to get to the university and when I arrived helped me find parking and get to the building where we were meeting. From that point on, he became my official "copilot" helping me get around and learn Caracas. Since I'm the only one with a car, I have become the taxi for the students at MUF. I started helping with the Monday campus Bible studies and Friday evangelism activities and it was through these that I was able to see Jose's heart for Christ and for the lost. In June, the board wanted to send me back to Texas to re-apply for my religious visa, which still has not come. I asked Jose, his brother and another student from MUF to house/dog sit for me while I was gone. We talked on Skype and messenger several times during those two weeks and when I returned, Jose and I started dating officially. We have visited his parents twice and he met my parents when they were here in May. All of our parents support our relationship and our decision to marry, as does our pastor here in Caracas.

*MUF (Mision Ultima Frontera) was started as a church specifically focused on reaching the universities of Venezuela for Christ. Currently, there are three MUF churches in Venezuela, but the vision is to have a MUF in every city in Venezuela where there is a university. That's a lot of cities!! (MUF is part of the Convencion Nacional Bautista de Venezuela, which is the counterpart to the Southern Baptist Convention in the U.S. and has a partnership with Texas Baptists.)

2008-11-26T06:24:00.001-08:00

Reflection on 1 Peter 3:3-7

So, last night’s Bible study was about relationships. The text, 1 Peter 3:3-7 speaks to both women and men. It tells the women about true beauty and it’s source. It tells men how women should be treated. Here are my rambling thoughts on the subject.

Let me go backwards...as far as the man’s role in taking care of the woman, Peter is speaking specifically to husbands telling them to live intimately with their wives, knowing them deeply and treating them with honor and great caution as the precious and fragile vessel they are. Ok, so what about us women who have been forced to become independent because there is no man to treat us that way? We have to kill our own bugs, drive our own nails, fix our own leaky faucets, maintain our own vehicles, earn our own living, protect ourselves out in the world and most importantly, see to our own spiritual growth and maturity. These are things that a man is supposed to do for his wife. Obviously, he’s not supposed to do them because she can’t. I’ve been doing for myself for years. I don’t need a husband for those things, but I want one. I don’t particularly like killing my own bugs. I truly believe that the husband doing those things for a wife fulfills a deeper need in both the man and the woman. The man needs to feel needed, appreciated and wanted. He needs to be the strong protector, the decision-maker, the leader, the fixer of things. The woman also needs to feel needed, appreciated and wanted. She needs to have the security of a man’s strong protection, the peace in a man’s ability to make decisions for the family, the comfort of knowing her needs are taken care of and the cherished understanding that a man is going to do for her what Christ did for the Church—give his life up, present her as a radiant bride, without blemish or wrinkle, love her as his own body (Ephesians 5:25-31).

So, where does this leave us single women? I know not every woman is supposed to marry, some are called to singleness and therefore must depend on the Lord for the things mentioned above. But what about those of us who long for marriage, but it’s just not happened yet? We long for the man who will be our protector, spiritual leader, provider and lover. But, we’re stuck waiting. The church is full of women waiting for men to do their job. Many of us are still single because there hasn’t come along a man who can lead spiritually…many are the men who can protect us physically, provide for us financially and kill the bugs, fix the faucet and maintain the vehicle, but the spiritual leaders are few and far between.

Men, single and married, have fumbled the ball and women have had to pick it up and keep going. We’re determined not to let the enemy force a turnover. Women are fighting for their families, taking their kids to church, gutting it out single and taking on leadership roles in the church because the men just aren’t doing it. Sure, there are some, but walk into any church in the world (with rare exception) and observe the ratio. Ever since the Garden of Eden, when Adam, who was with Eve stood by and watched her fall into the Devil’s trap, men have been falling down on their job. Hopefully, this does not sound like a bitter diatribe from a single woman who longs to be married; it is an honest, though not pretty, observation of reality.

Women have also failed in their role of submissiveness. Peter clearly states that what made Sarah beautiful was her submissiveness to Abraham. Although we know she was outwardly beautiful as well because of the accounts of Abraham lying and saying she was his sister to keep from being killed by men who might want her. There are other examples of outward beauty with the women of old-look at Rachel and Leah. So, what do we do with this biblical teaching about true beauty? As women, we have failed to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit. We have failed submit to authority and instead have sought our own will, asserted our own independence. Many women have rejected marriage in the pursuit of a career, while others of us have pursued a career because marriage didn’t present itself as an option. Women have turned to outward beauty as a source of self-worth resulting in immodest dress, exhorbitant spending on beauty products and treatments and obsession with clothes, shoes and accessories. Why do we do this? Beauty makes a woman feel powerful because it gets the man’s attention and makes the other women jealous. But as we know charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30).

So what are we to do? I say the only thing we can do is examine ourselves to make sure that we are doing what we know God has called us to do. Look inward and make sure we are not failing at our role of biblical manhood or womanhood and make the necessary changes. Then, pray, pray, pray for the church. Pray for men to stand up and be men. Pray for women to accept their role as women. Pray for spiritual leaders, assertive, yet gentle men to be raised up and to pursue the godly women in an appropriate way. Pray for single women to not give in to fear, but to wait for the right man, to be submissive to authority and willing to give up their independence. Pray for the church to teach these concepts of biblical manhood and womanhood. Pray for men and women around the world to understand and obey the clear teachings of God’s Word on their roles and to determine in their hearts to carry out with their actions what they know God would have them to be.

Here’s where I currently stand in this effort:
To begin with, the concept of beauty is a tricky one. I know that Biblical beauty comes from a gentle and quiet spirit, a precious and valuable thing in God’s sight. Is it precious and valuable in man’s? To a godly man, it should be, but so many Christian men are still looking for the outward beauty that Proverbs tells us is fleeting. Beauty also comes from submissiveness, specifically to a husband. So, what if you have no husband? I know we are to be submissive to authority both in society and in the church, but does that scream ‘beautiful’ to those around us? Peter goes on to say that we are Sarah’s daughters if we do what is right and do not give way to fear. Doing what is right is much easier than not giving way to fear…at least for me. I’m deathly afraid of being alone for the rest of my life, but I will keep on doing what is right, with or without a husband. I guess that is not giving way to fear. I’m determined not to let my fear of being alone cause me to compromise in the area of relationships. It has in the past and it’s very tempting to allow it to in the present. It’s not my role to seek a husband and there’s no way I’ll settle for less than God’s best. So, why do I continually find myself looking around? It is a daily struggle for me as a single missionary to submit to God's will for my life, to accept my current situation and to glorify God through it. I daily pray for my own attitude, will and actions to conform to God's perfect plan. I also daily pray for a godly husband to partner with in ministry. Unless I hear a clear word from God saying that is not in His plan for me, I will continue to do so. Now, my next step is to take my own advice and to pray for the Church.

2008-03-30T13:48:00.000-07:00

This is a video slide show of my trip to Guatemala last week with some wonderful folks from Houston's First Baptist Church. It was called a "rookie trip" because several members of our group were first timers. You wouldn't know it, though, by the way they all jumped in and ministered to those kids! We probably played with around 700 children over the course of the week (500 in just two days!).

God used this week to show me that even if you don't have enough crafts to go around and you run out of balloons, you can give them Jesus, and that's way more important!

The first part has a lot of children because we took their pictures and printed them right there on a little photo printer I'd brought. They made frames that said "Cristo ama a ______" which means "Christ loves insert name here." Most of these children had never owned a picture of themselves, so that was a real treat. The moms also wanted to do the crafts with their children and some of them even came to get their pictures made. That was a reminder to me that these women have very little amusement in their lives and even just coloring a picture of Zaccheus can be fun for them!

2008-03-05T12:10:00.000-08:00

Praying for my students...

Yesterday, I was driving home from work, exhausted as usual, and thinking about how to motivate my students to hang in there until Spring Break.

I was specifically thinking about one particularly unmotivated student whose name will be kept a secret since kids can access my blog. As I mused about this particular kid, I felt the Lord saying, "Karla, have you prayed for this kid or only fretted over the lack of motivation you see?" That wasn't the first time I've gotten that question and I was reminded again that worrying does no good. Prayer is the only source of power in this and every situation. So, I began praying for the student and others who I've been burdened for. Now, if I will just keep it up, I can't wait to see the results...

2008-01-25T20:11:00.000-08:00

Questions...

Funny thing...as a teacher, you hear all kinds of questions. Good questions that give you that warm fuzzy feeling that you're actually making a difference in some kid's life. Bad questions that make you wonder why you're in this profession. Stupid questions that do exist despite the old adage. Yes, there is such a thing as a stupid question. With 13 year olds, you never know what you're going to get...every day is a new adventure.

Well, I got to thinking...I've got all these students from different religions, cultures and backgrounds and the most important thing they can do is keep asking questions. I mean, if they get to where they just accept everything they're taught just because someone older than them said it, then they'll never find the Truth. So, my new goal is to encourage the questions. Yes, even the stupid ones. I want them to keep asking, keep seeking and keep wondering about things. Now, if I can just figure out how to do that...

2007-12-29T21:18:00.000-08:00

Wearing Out

Have you ever noticed how nothing stays new? I bought a new car last year and within a few weeks it had a small white scratch on the door from another car's door. I had to buy a new computer because my old one got so slow. We need a new dishwasher, but Granddaddy is balking on that one. Even people get older and start to break down. Everything and everyone wears out.

Why? I submit that the deterioration of stuff and people is due to the fact that we live in a fallen world--a world that was created to be perfect and everlasting, but due to sin, is now subject to decay. But there's hope. This world isn't all there is...we have a perfect and everlasting home waiting for us where nothing will break, nothing will get scratched or wear out...and neither will we.

As Christians, whenever we get a scratch on our new car or something breaks, or whenever we get sick or start to feel old age creep up on us, rather than getting upset and disappointed about the loss of newness, we should let those things remind us that a perfect Heaven awaits.

Sure, we have a responsibility to take care of things--we are to be good stewards of everything God's given us, including our bodies. But, when stuff happens that is beyond your control, try cultivating an eternal perspective and seeing these events (however painful) as opportunities to look forward to the time when all things will be made new and stay that way forever.

2007-12-10T12:37:00.001-08:00

“Material possessions, winning scores, and great reputations are meaningless in the eyes of the Lord, because He knows what we really are and that is all that matters.”
-John Wooden

2007-11-17T09:06:00.000-08:00

theRoad

As soon as school was out, I headed up to the Hill Country to spend Thanksgiving with my family. First order on the agenda was the Burnet High School playoff game where my brother was coaching. I knew I wouldn't get there to see the whole game, but my goal was to get there by halftime. I'd printed a map of the Burnet school district and found the stadium on it, so I was armed and ready to go.

Traffic wasn't too bad getting out of Sugar Land, so I was plugging along pretty well and had made it to Bastrop when my dad called. He started giving me directions for an alternate route into Burnet. I had planned to take the route I was familiar with, which would take me along the south of Austin by the airport and then on out to where I could catch the road through Marble Falls. The route Dad was proposing sounded confusing with lots of turns and toll roads.

As I neared Austin, I had pretty much decided to stick to my plan of the familiar route when all of a sudden traffic stopped. Up ahead there was a wreck complete with flashy lights and rubber neckers, and combined with the ever-present construction, we were almost at a standstill. Up about 100 yards away, I could see the road that Dad had suggested as my alternate. I decided to go for it, even though I wasn't sure what to expect. It turned out to be a great plan. The toll road was mostly clear and my Houston toll tag worked at all the toll points...I didn't even have to slow down and wait for an arm to raise! It was dark, but the signs were all really well-lit and I was able to call Dad on the cell phone and verify that I was on the right track. Even so, there were a couple of times I second-guessed my instructions and had to call back for help. All in all, the alternate route was a much better choice than the old familiar and I only made two wrong turns before arriving at the game...right at halftime!

It's funny how we take the familiar routes in life because we're scared of the dark and unknown roads, not realizing that they may end up being better choices. When our Heavenly Father calls and gives us an alternate route, we need to be ready to strike out into the darkness and trust His guidance. Sure, sometimes we'll second-guess our intructions, misread a sign or somehow manage to take a detour, but our Father is ready to get us back on track when we do.

Lately I've noticed that my road of life has a lot of speed bumps. I think God has installed those purposely because I tend to get going too fast and I forget to stop and talk to Him about things. God wants us to take this journey of life with Him, enjoy the ride. Sometimes it's not so fun, like when the storms come, or at night, when things are all dark and you can't really see what's surrounding you. But, that's the cool part about it-God is always there with you, ready to redirect you and keep you on the right road.

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your paths."

Isaiah 30:21 "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Psalm 25:4 "Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths;"

2007-10-09T19:33:00.000-07:00

Quotes from Beth Moore's Esther study tonight:

"We can 'protect' ourselves right out of our calling. We must be willing to move from self-preservation to brave determination."

"Make decisions out of wisdom, not fear."

"Courage is not denying your situation but denying its power over you."

"The most frequent command in the Bible is 'Do not fear'."

2007-10-04T01:50:00.000-07:00

La cucaracha, la cucaracha...

Ya no puede caminar;
Porque no tiene,
Porque le falta
Una pata para andar.

The cockroach, the cockroach
He can't walk anymore
Because he doesn't have,
Because he's missing
A foot to walk with.

I was awakened at 3:11am by a weird scratching sound in my room. My first thought was "mouse!", but upon turning on the light, I discovered a cockroach crawling up a box that I had just removed from my closet and was sitting in front of my bookshelf. I ran to the bathroom for the ever handy Bengal Roach Spray (shameless advertisement here-this stuff is the best ever and it has no odor!!).

Roaches are amazing, because even after you spray them and you know, and they know, that they are dying, they manage to travel great distances...like from the box to the printer, to back behind the bookshelf...

Naturally, I couldn't go to sleep until he was dead, so I'm up at 3:56am typing a blog about him and waiting for him to die...he's behind my bookshelf now, so I can't whack him with a shoe. And repeated attempts to flush him out with Bengal are failing, so I wait...

I submit that whoever coined the phrase "Everything's bigger in Texas," had just seen a Houstonian coackroach. I wonder...do they have roaches in Venezuela?

2007-09-30T11:19:00.000-07:00

Opposition

I've noticed in my life (and in observing the lives of others) that when you take a step of obedience to God, opposition begins coming from every side. That is what I am experiencing right now. I know that our battle is not against flesh and blood, nor are our weapons of the flesh, but they are spiritual and they are powerful.

I needed to remind myself of that today...perhaps you needed that reminder too...

2007-09-24T18:03:00.000-07:00

Moving On...

(this is the e-mail I sent out to my prayer partners, friends and family)

Several folks have asked me how it went last week at the IMB missionary candidate conference in Richmond. Here are the highlights:

Tuesday night, we were encouraged to examine all the pieces of the puzzle and see if they all fit together. The pieces were:
Call-can you pinpoint a time when you felt the Lord specifically calling you to the mission field? Has that call been confirmed in any way? I knew the call was in place because I felt the Lord calling me to full-time service back in middle school, then it was confirmed on several occasions throughout college and afterwards. Last March, when I went to Guatemala, was when I felt God saying "it's time." That's when I applied to the IMB.
Timing-is there anything in your life right now that would prevent you from going into the field or cause you to come back before finishing your commitment? Now is the time I'm financially free, single and ready to go, so that piece was in place.
Job Match-is the job you selected appropriate for your skills, personality and desires? Are the location and culture things that you could adapt to, so that you could be most effective for God? After speaking to the second consultant, this was the one piece I was concerned about. Friday, I met with the regional director for South America. My concern was that the job was not appropriate for a single female, but he assured me that not only was the job one I was capable of doing, but that they already had a single female in the same town, working with a different group of people in a similar job. He said we could even be roommates if we wanted. :)
Wednesday, we had medical tests, photos, time to study about our country and people group in the library and a session about staying mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy on the field.
Thursday, I had an interview with a second consultant and a couple of group sessions where we shared our testimonies and specific callings on our lives.
Friday afternoon, after sessions about shipping stuff to the field and safety while on the field, I met with my original candidate consultant for a wrap-up session. He told me that the consultants had reviewed my file and they had talked with the South America director and they were unanimous about the decision for me to move forward.
Next Step: reference forms are going out now to all my references and the board will make a final decision on January 28 or 29. According to my consultant, I should be approved by the board without a problem unless something shows up in the medical tests.

Thank to all who are praying me through this thing. I am so excited about the upcoming changes and if I weren't teaching this year, I'd be chomping at the bit to get there ASAP! But, God's timing is perfect and I'm glad I have a good 10 months left with all of you here in the U.S. :)

2007-09-15T15:39:00.000-07:00

Redirection

Well, it's time to start researching Venezuela. Back in April, when I put in my original application, I would have never dreamed of Venezuela being my destination, but God had other plans. Here's how things went down:

March

I met a missionary in Guatemala who told me of a need for a missionary to the wealthier class and university students. I thought...cool! That would be fun.
I came home, found the job posted on the website and applied to the IMB.

April

Had an interview/information session with my candidate consultant who encouraged me to start looking at jobs to potentially choose from.
Went back online and the Guatemala job had disappeared! (I later found it had been reserved by someone else.)
Read through some job descriptions in Venezuela, Mexico, Columbia, Dominican Republic and even Moldova.

May

Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. Life story, belief statements, medical history, personality profile, background check...you know, the usual. :)
Kept looking at the options online and requested further information for jobs in Mexico, Venezuela and Peru.
Went on a mission trip to Costa Rica, I started thinking...hey, I could see myself here...

July

Wrote to missionaries in both Guatemala and Costa Rica. Didn't hear back from Guatemala, but Costa Rica said they were thinking of requesting someone for university ministry.
Picked Peru and Venezuela as 2nd and 3rd choices...switched the order when I found out that my cousins' old roommates were serving in Venezuela.
Second interview with candidate consultant. We talked about the fact that Costa Rica needed to hurry things up if I was going to make it to the September conference. (You're supposed to have a job reserved before you can be invited and you must be invited 30 days before the conference.)

August

Got invited to the September conference anyway since I had a first and a second choice picked out.
Waited and waited to hear from Costa Rica that the job was written and approved.
Started meeting people from Venezuela randomly: Sunday school teacher and his parents, teacher friend, two students...
Started wondering if God was trying to give me a sign...

September

Wrote my candidate consultant to see if he'd heard from Costa Rica. Heard back...Costa Rica is a no go.
Figured out that God was, indeed, directing me to Venezuela and now had removed my other option.

Guess what? The national sport of Venezuela is Baseball! Anyone who knows me, knows that makes me happy. :)

2007-08-25T19:46:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I was studying Daniel with Beth Moore (not literally "with" her, but doing the workbook study that she wrote) and it hit me as I finished up a whole week of study in one sitting that I have a spiritual eating disorder. I can go 2-3 days without reading my Bible and then gorge myself so that I don't retain much, if any, of it...sounds to me like biblical bulimia. I realize that's not a healthy way to grow spiritually strong. So, by way of confession, I'm taking the first step (though I don't think there are 12 in this case). I'm admitting I have a problem...I need more daily discipline and a healthier spiritual diet. Can anyone else out there relate? I have a feeling I'm probably not alone in this one.

Step 2 (not that I really know the steps) is doing something about it, so I'm committing to make some changes to my daily activities and ensure that God gets priority in my day. That means making some sacrifies. For me, it means less computer and tv time (since all I watch is the Astros, I guess they aren't really making that sacrifice too difficult on me with they way they've been playing). It means maybe getting up earlier and making sure I don't dawdle away my morning. All I know for sure is that no pure and sincere sacrifice for God ever goes unrewarded. In fact He's promised to multiply the rewards (see Matthew 19:29).

Do you have a spiritual eating disorder? What is it that is getting the time God deserves each day? What are you going to do about it?

2007-08-07T12:41:00.000-07:00

Waiting, but not worrying

This morning's devotional (as well as yesterday's, which I just got around to this morning) was about worry. The Scripture passage was the one where Jesus is telling the crowds not to worry about stuff like what you're going to eat and wear, etc. But I was hit by the fact that though I don't have to worry about those two things, I do worry about other stuff and worry is a sin. Flat out, Jesus said, "don't," but I do.

The writer of the devo book I was reading made a point that when we conjure up scenarios or desired outcomes to our life situations (like, I want that missionary job in Costa Rica) and insist that God make them turn out how we want them to, essentially, we are worrying that God can't handle our business and we need to do the thinking part for Him and just let Him make it happen. I'm not saying that praying for what you want is wrong, we're told to petition God for things, but to do so with thanksgiving, of course. What I mean is that when we worry and fret over life's circumstances, we demonstrate a lack of faith not only in God's power to take care of us, but in His desire to do so-thus doubting His goodness and His love for us.

This shows a misunderstanding of the character of God. We are told over and over in Scripture that God works out everything for our good, that He knows the plans He has for us and that they're good plans, that Jesus came to give us abundant lives, that He wants His joy to be in us and our joy to be full...all those sound like pretty good promises. So, why do we worry? Why do we act like God never promised us any of those things? Why do we only see the negative, feel the lack? I think it's because we hate waiting.

We're so used to instant everything that when God's timing to fulfill a promise isn't up to speed with our timing, we assume those promises of joy and fulfillment and good stuff are for someone else, not us. Not only that, but we forget about all the things He has blessed us with when we are focusing on the one thing He hasn't. How do we know, but that that one thing we think we must have to be happy would not turn out to be the worst thing for us right now? How do we know that the things we think we want are really what would fulfill us? And lest we forget, nothing on this earth is as satisfying as being in right relationship with God Himself. We've been promised so much, but we look at the temporary stuff as the source of happiness rather than realizing that outside of relationship with God, that stuff won't make us happy. Stuff without God is just stuff and rather disappointing stuff at that.

We're told to wait. We're told not to worry. Next time you find yourself worried and impatient, ask for God's help to reverse your thinking and give you the patience to wait in peace. While you're at it, start thinking about the many blessings in your life and try thanking God for them.

2007-07-24T12:15:00.000-07:00

Amplified...

Have you ever dreamed about something or looked forward to an event so much that you had it all built up in your mind, then when it actually happened, it just wasn't what you'd expected and it left you disappointed and frustrated? I think it's human nature to put so much stock in a certain job, a new home or car, even marriage, that once we get there, it just isn't all it's cracked up to be and we find ourselves disillusioned. For example, people who go to Hollywood to seek fame and fortune often find out that there's a whole other side to this fame thing that just isn't pretty...being on the cover of a magazine seems like the definition of success, but what if it's because your marriage has blown up and you are the latest Hollywood story, dirty laundry and all?

I must sound like a total cynic right now, but before you label me such, let me clarify where this is going. See, this is just another way God is working in my mind and heart to remind me that nothing else satisfies but Him. What we need to be amplifying in our minds is the joy and satisfaction that can only be found in relationship with our Creator. Instead, what we build up are the world's definitions of success and happiness...only to find that they aren't that great after all. The great thing thing, though, is that once we figure that out, our lives are freed up to experience the real thing...not just life, but the abundant life Christ promised.

2007-07-03T13:38:00.000-07:00

Missionary Application Update and Prayer Requests

In-depth interview scheduled for July 26

Where they probe into my innermost junk and decide if I'm fit to continue the process...pray I find grace and favor with the interviewer because we all know none of us are truly "worthy," but thank God, He uses us anyway.

Reserve a "job" from the IMB website

There are still no openings in Guatemala or Costa Rica, but there may be something in the works! Pray for that to work out.

Candidate Conference

We missed the August cutoff date, so it will probably be September...pray for grace with my job to be able to get the days off from school when the time comes.

2007-06-28T15:15:00.001-07:00

Catching up with God

I'm waiting out flooding in Central Texas as I am visiting family in Marble Falls and Kingsland. As I type this, I can look out my brother's back door and monitor the level of Lake LBJ which ironically is "down" right now. The reason-floodgates have been opened below us to allow the swelling Colorado River and its chain of lakes here in the Hill Country to continue to empty toward the ocean. They are expecting more rain and more potential flooding, so they have left the gates open to allow for more to come.

I've had a lot of time to read, catch up on my Bible study and study for my bus driver test (more on that in another entry). Isn't it funny how God sometimes forces us to stop? I finally took the time to really get some things straight with God today as I made a new entry in my much-neglected prayer journal. The great thing about journaling my prayers is that I almost always end up making some startling and life-changing discoveries about my attitude, unrealized sins, mistaken ways of thinking, ungratefulness or some other such ugly thing that needs to be dealt with.

As difficult as these times are, they are also so freeing as I finally cast off the old ugly stuff and replace it with God's grace resulting in a whole new outlook and the peace that often alludes. Paul talks about this in his letters to the churches.

In Romans 12:2, he says not to be conformed to the world's pattern, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
To the Corinthians, he wrote that they should test themselves to make sure they were in the faith and reminds them that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation (II Cor 13:5 and 5:17).
The Galatians are admonished with these words from chapter 4, verses 8-9, "Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. But now that you know God-or rather are known by God-how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles?"
To the believers in Ephesus he says, "You were taught with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, wich is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness" (Ephesians 4:22-24).
The Philippian christians are told to have the same attitude as Christ Himself in humility and obedience (Philippians 2:5-11). They are encouraged to pray instead of being anxious, to think about things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable and to rejoice in the Lord, rather than depend on circumstancial happiness (Philippians 4:4-8 and 12).
Colossians chapters 2 and 3 are all about this putting off the old self and putting on the new. Col 2:3-"So then, just as you received Jesus Christ as Lord, continue to live in Him." Col 2:20-"Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to it's rules?" Col 3:1-2-"Since then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above...set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."

There's more, but this is already a pretty long post. It just struck me how many times we're encouraged to remember that we're not who we were, so we need to act and think like it!

2007-06-20T12:49:00.000-07:00

The Package Has Been Delivered

Yes, that's right. Monday morning I sent all my paperwork via e-mail to the IMB. I don't know if I should have expected a reply email saying yes, we got your stuff, but I have heard nothing back...I'm starting to get nervous.

2007-06-13T08:27:00.000-07:00

No openings...

Many of you know that I am applying to be a full-time career missionary through the IMB. I am excited about the possibilities and although slightly overwhelmed by the daunting application process, I am certain of this, if God has called me to be a missionary, a missionary I will be!

Right now, there are no openings for the two places (Guatemala and Costa Rica) that have entered my heart through mission trips with Houston's First Baptist in the past three years. I know God may have another location for me to serve, so I'm praying that He will show me what that is. (Deep down, I'm praying that something will open up in my beloved Central America.)

This blog entry is a prayer request to all of you out there...please pray for me to know exactly where God wants me and to get through the current step of essay/biography writing for the Mission Board.

2007-06-06T20:18:00.000-07:00

Costa Rica...Pura Vida!
(If you're limited on time, but would like to see photos of our trip, you might want to scroll on down to the link at the end of this post, but come back and read what God did in Costa Rica when you have more time.)

PURA VIDA is the saying that Ticos (the nickname for Costa Ricans) use as their catch all phrase. It literally means "pure life," but it can be used for all such common phrases as "you're welcome", "hello", "thanks", "cool", "whatever" and various other things. If you really want to sound cool, you say, "Pura vida, mai (pronounced 'my')."

Our trip to Costa Rica, May 26-June 2 was Pura Vida! Twenty of the coolest single adults from Houston's First Baptist Church boarded Continental flight 14something and sailed to San Jose to share the love of Christ. Here are a few things God did on our trip:

1) The bestest thing that happened (at least in my book) is that our bus driver, Jonathan, received Christ on the last day we were there. We had been witnessing to him and praying for him the whole week. Every time we stopped to eat, we invited Jonathan along. We gave him a Bible, so he'd have some good reading material as he waited for us to do our various ministry activities. One of the days, he left the bus door open and watched us as we did VBS with a bunch of kids at a day care center. We were so excited when he made that step of faith and crossed over from death to life on Friday. He told us that this group was unlike any other he'd ever driven around and he would never forget us. I know it's Christ in us that he will always remember, even if he forgets every one of our names.

2) God taught me (and several others in our group) that we couldn't do this ministry thing on our own strength. Even something as simple as leading a few children's songs and telling a story was a total flop when I tried to do it on my own on Sunday. Thank God we got a second chance with that same group of kids on Thursday and it went much better because we were relying on the Lord to work through us. Here is a quote from Chris Tiegreen that I read in my daily devotional book "At His Feet" on Monday morning:

A lot of us have limited vision. We base most of our activities and plans on what we've learned from experience and the interests, talents, and abilities we know we have. We are reluctant to get in over our heads because of the discomfort we feel in such situations. We don't like having demands placed on us that are beyond our resources.

When Jesus calls us to follow Him, He always pushes us beyond our experience and beyond our abilities...Jesus doesn't call us to do the same things we've always done in the same ways we've always done them. He calls us to launch out further and deeper, to places where we cannot depend on our own experience and abilities. He puts us in places where we must depend entirely on Him...

3) God also gave us opportunities to impact the lives of the staff at the hotel. Although some may question us staying in an "Americanized hotel" on a mission trip, we looked at it as an opportunity to minister and witness to a set of people that might be overlooked by other missionaries. We met so many wonderful Costa Ricans just by being a presence at breakfast each morning and coming in tired and filthy, but happy each evening.

4) We saw the beauty of God's creation as we drove up through the mountains to the tropical rainforest. The sights were breathtaking and I doubt any of our pictures could do them justice. As we rode, we sang praises to God and read Psalms about creation and God's power. It was a powerful time and I know that also had an impact on our aforementioned driver. We got an even better view of all this beauty as we soared over the rainforest on zip lines and in cable cars. You'll have to check out pictures in my webshots album.

5) Finally, we felt God's presence as we loved on children, helped Youth With A Mission (YWAM) move to a newly acquired location, ministered to hurting women at First Baptist San Jose and witnessed to young people in a local park. God worked through each of us individually, using our gifts and often stretching us beyond our comfort zones, forcing us to grow. But He also did an incredible thing by turning us into a team, made up of an eclectic mix of folks from computer guys to teachers to former military to accountants, to contractors, with a few medical folks thrown in, just for fun. We barely even knew each other going into the week, but at the end of the time, we not only worked well together as a team, but we really liked each other!!

So, enough babbling about my trip. There's way more than I could possibly tell and this blog is getting long, so click the link below to see my photos. I pray each of you out there in blogworld gets a chance to have an experience like the one we had in Costa Rica. It will change your life...Pura Vida!

http://good-times.webshots.com/album/559338135igglKe?vhost=good-times

2007-05-01T10:46:00.000-07:00

Ready to go, but willing to stay...

A year ago last Friday, my Me-Maw passed away. As Christians, you often hear this described as "going home to be with the Lord." But I wonder how many of us really get the concept we're describing when we use that phrase. It's a comforting thought, but is that all it is?

Let's break it down:
"Going home" means we don't belong here and there's somewhere else we do belong. Anyone who's left home for college, military service, a job or an extended trip knows that home is an irreplaceable idea. We get homesick and we long for those we love that make home-home. Do we have that same longing for Heaven? Do we long to be there more than where we are? Do we get homesick for the One who makes Home-Home? If not, why not?

"To be with the Lord" means we will finally be face to face with our Creator, our Father, our Savior. We will have the relationship that Adam and Eve had with Him in the Garden before the forbidden fruit incident. We will be able to actually see Him when we talk to him. Think of it as the difference between reading an e-mail from someone you love and actually sitting down on the couch and talking with them. Being able to look into their eyes and read their expressions is so much better, don't you think? Do we picture being with the Lord this way? Do we love Him so much that we don't want to be away from Him, but instead long to be in His actual presence? Of course, being omnipresent, we are never out of His presence, but when we get to Heaven, we will be able to see Him, touch Him, talk to and hear Him. Does that idea get your heart beating faster? If not, why not?

So, how do we get to the point where instead of being ready to stay, but willing to go we're more ready to go, but willing to stay? Or biblically speaking, how do you get to the point where you can truly say with Paul, "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me. " (Phil 1:21-26)?

2007-04-23T14:06:00.000-07:00

Quiet Time (Revisited)

Ever since writing that blog entry about quiet times, I've been convicted of my need to make spending time with God more of a priority. I have actually come to "miss God" whenever I don't get some alone time with Him. It's been cool.

Anyway, I also know that when making big decisions like the ones I have coming up about the mission field, not just your daily devotional time will do. These things call for some serious get down on your face and wait until you hear from God time. That's what I headed out for on Saturday. Problem: I like to have these times near the water...something about being near water, especially running or moving water makes me feel closer to God (weird, I know). So, where does a Houston girl go to find a quiet place to sit near the water and pray (on the best weather day of the year so far-sunny and 72-perfect!)? Certainly NOT Hermann Park...that place was a ZOO!! Pun intended.

So, I turned the little blue Saturn South and headed down 288 to my home town of Lake Jackson...LJ, you know! (ok, not really, but it's nostalgic). There's a little pond with a park near my old house which although not nearly as crowded as Hermann, was still not the best place to be "alone" with God. But, I'd come this far, so I was determined not to waste the trip. I took my blanket and my bookbag and found a spot on the water's edge. I wish I could tell you I had some epiphany and that I came away knowing exactly what to do with my life, but I don't think it usually works that way.

What happened that day was goodbye. God took me to my hometown to show me not what He has for me, but what He doesn't. Sitting there in that place that held so many memories from growing up, surrounded by families with children fishing, running, swinging, feeding the ducks, it struck me that this American dream wasn't for me. I knew that I would probably never live in one of those houses on the water with my husband, our 2.5 kids and a golden retriever. My place is somewhere else. So I said goodbye to that way of life and opened my mind and my heart to what God does have for me, realizing that it might not be immediately revealed, but resting in the fact that He's already got it planned out.

And wouldn't you know it? Sunday morning, the sermon was on leaving your comfort zone. More than once Gregg mentioned the mission field and at the invitation, there was no question I was headed to the front. I don't like the front, but I went, stammered out to one of the missions pastors about my calling, got prayed over, spent some time on my knees weeping, got a hug from my Starbucks Tour '07 partner and said goodbye again...this time to my church. So, what's next? An interview with the IMB on May 17, then what? Not sure, but it doesn't matter.

2007-04-13T22:10:00.000-07:00

COSTA RICA!!

Ok, so now that you've read about my trip to Guatemala (see previous post), it's time to start gearing up to pray, give and GO to Costa Rica. I just found out that the deadline to sign up for the Costa Rica trip has been extended, so if you're thinking about going, but haven't taken the leap yet...DO IT NOW!!

Click on this link to sign up:

http://secure.signusup.com/registration/wz_event.aspx?ChurchID=1130&EventID=5506

Pray about it, seriously...I'd love to have you join me on mission to Central America...it will rock your world!

If you can't go, but want to be a part of what God is doing in Costa Rica, please consider being a prayer partner for me, and if you feel led, contributing to the cost of my trip. NO pressure! For those who do want to contribute, you may send checks* (payable to HFBC) to:

Houston's First Baptist Church
7401 Katy Freeway
Houston, TX 77024

*In order to receive a tax-deduction for your contribution, please do not put my name in the memo line. Instead, include a note with your gift indicating that it is to go toward Karla Turner's trip to Costa Rica.

2007-03-26T14:15:00.000-07:00

Gua-te-la-mal-a '07

As many of you know, I spent my Spring Break in Guatemala on a mission trip. This was my third jaunt to the land of volcanoes and it always amazes me how God does something new in and through me each time. Here are some highlights and lessons from my trip.

1) Victor, Ingrid, Jose and Maenor are students at Escuela Integrada with whom I got to share Christ. We had gone to one of the many ruins in Antigua to eat pizza and play with the students when suddenly, the groundskeeper comes out yelling at the kids telling them if they didn't respect the place they would never be allowed back. Come to find out, someone had written on a wall with a black marker. There was a private school there too and the principal of Escuela Integrada was highly upset that the guy assumed it was her kids because they were from the "poor school." Turns out, it was one of her kids, but that's beside the point. On the way back from the school, Victor was asking why the man was so mad. Somehow James (one of our group members) turned the question to the gospel...this is where I came in. I was able to tag team with James and share the gospel with Victor. When we got back to the school, several kids were really upset because their friend was in trouble for writing on the wall and was claiming she did it because she was possessed by demons. This gave me another opportunity to pray with the whole group of them and to share the Truth with a few who asked if I believed in spirits. That was a powerful time!

2) This Christmas, my cousin's fiance taught me the steps to solving the Rubik's Cube. I was passing on my new-found skill when it hit me that the first step is to make a cross. Then, as you do the second step, you have to continually go back to the cross and make sure you don't lose it. What an illustration! I took that and developed it a little further to make a gospel presentation as I solved the Cube (ask me sometime and I'll show you). Our first day in Guatemala, I was able to use the Cube to witness to a whole table full of teenagers at the mall. We followed it up with tracts and then prayed with them. What a crazy thing! Who knows what God's gonna' use!?!

3) Short term, long-term, career. These are the types of missionaries out there and I have up until now, only been the first, but this week while I was in Guatemala, God confirmed to me (again, because I've felt this call since Junior High) that He wants me to step it up and go long. So, I put in my application with the International Mission Board (IMB)...now to wait and see what God has next. My new friend Paula, who was part of our team, is in the same boat and we even talked about becoming roommates when we both get there...to Antigua, that is.

4) Use what you have. This was the devotional I read from "At His Feet" to our group on our last day. The passage was when Christ fed the 5,000 but the devotional had a different take from what I've heard before. It focused on the role of the disciples who only had 5 loaves and 2 fish that they'd bummed off some kid in the crowd. They offered what they had and Christ used it to feed a multitude. The author of the devotional was telling us that it's ok to pray for God to touch the nations and save the lost, but never to discount our role in that. What Jesus told the disciples when they urged Him to send the folks away to go buy food was "you give them something to eat." I'm sure their thought was, "Are you kidding me?" Obviously, He was not. It doesn't matter how small your offering to the Savior, He will multiply and use whatever you have to give.

Well, Those are some highlights and lessons from Guatemala '07. There is so much more that I could share, but for the sake of those who don't like to read lengthy blogs, I'll refrain. Follow the link below to see photos of our trip. There are a lot there, so I won't feel bad if you skim through them, but make sure you get to the part with Lake Atitlan. What a gorgeous bit of God's creation!

http://good-times.webshots.com/slideshow/558280195XYzMCN

And thanks a million to those who prayed and gave so I could go!

2007-03-21T05:00:00.000-07:00

It's Not About Me

It really would be nice if I could remember that. There would be no posts like the previous one in which I confess discontent and distorted views of God.

Comfortingly, we can see most of the Bible characters learn this same lesson. Great men of the faith have also been here, done this. However taking comfort from being in good company isn't really where I was going with this.

I just want to assure the blogworld out there that I do know that life's not about me. God's not here to make me happy, but He does intend to glorify Himself through me. If that means through my blessings or through my struggles, to God be the Glory. John Piper says (adapting from his reading of C.S. Lewis) that "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." Not in the stuff He gives us, but IN HIM. I pray for all of us, you, me and my friends who neither blog nor lurk, that we will discover what that means to be satisfied in God and thus to glorify Him with our lives.

2007-03-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

What's the Catch?

During another enlightening Starbuck's experience (in which I also discovered that although caramel and chocolate are both yummy, the "Grande Caramel Mocha" is just ok), I was confronted with a not so pretty understanding of how I view God.

I think I've been approaching my Father with an attitude of resentment because I feel like He's been holding out on me and I'm not getting all the good stuff He intends for me to have because there's something I still have to do. In the back of my mind, I come to Him in prayer with the mindset that He doesn't intend to really answer me on the things that I most especially want because somewhere along the way I failed to hit the right button (or perhaps I somehow hit the wrong button) and He's still punishing me for it. I keep thinking that the promises He gives us in Scripture come with a secret catch, some condition I haven't met and for that reason, I'm unworthy of His fulfilling them in my life.

Oh, deep down I know better, but that doesn't transfer over into the way I pray. I still pray assuming God's not going to answer me...not because He can't, but because He simply doesn't want to. Attributing that kind of cruelty and capriciousness to God is dangerous, foolhearty and downright dumb. I know God is GOOD and His desires for me are more than I can ask or imagine. The problem comes with my human impatience. Because God isn't answering in my time frame, I assume He doesn't care and isn't interested in my affairs. Because I've been asking for the same thing for 13 years, I've got it in my head that I've already got my answer and that answer is "no." Because I think God has said "no" to my request, I guess I feel like He's denying me something good. I feel He's chosen against me. And so insues the petulant fit, much like that of a child who asks for candy in the grocery store checkout and is denied her request. Forget that the parent has good reason for denying the request for candy...I want it and I want it NOW! Ok, sorry.

If God is like the parent in the grocery store, the petulant fit doesn't make Him want to hurry and honor my request, but to keep withholding until I grow up a little and am mature enough to handle what He has for me. But, in the meantime, He has already blessed me with so much. When I stop and take stock of my blessings, I find that I'm blessed beyond measure and way beyond what I deserve. I must remind myself often and regularly that I am so blessed that I can't even begin to count the ways.

Does anyone else share this struggle?

2007-03-03T06:55:00.000-08:00

Covenant

To go on a mission trip with Houston's First Baptist, you have to sign a covenant saying you will pay for the full cost of the trip, you won't abandon the group or do anything inappropriate or disrespectful, you will be accountable to the leader of the group and respect his/her decisions, etc, etc.

And then came #6. "I will be faithful to daily prayer and devotions in preparation for this trip, as well as faithfully attending the Church I represent. If I struggle with these spiritual disciplines, I will seek help immediately."

I think God is trying to push me past my sentiments in the previous blog and show me the need for a more disciplined daily time with Him. I have already sought help with this from the commenter of the previous blog, but now I am beginning to realize that it's a legitimate need in my life.

I've been depending on those growth spurts to keep me going and leaned on previous times of intimacy rather than seeking daily intimacy through devotional bible reading and prayer. I've also depended too much on the previous "knowledge about God and His Word" gleaned from years of theological education, rather than seeking to really KNOW Him and truly cherish His Word. This is going to call for a change in daily time management and habits. If you're out there reading this...pray for me. Thanks!

2007-02-26T21:01:00.000-08:00

Quiet Time

When I was a kid growing up in the First Baptist (Lake Jackson, not Houston) youth group, I remember all those talks the youth ministers and Sunday School teachers used to give us about having a "quiet time." We got special devotional books and cool teen journals, etc, etc. We had guides on what order to do our quiet time in and how long it should take and even what order to say our daily prayers. Every time, I would get this nagging guilty feeling that I was doomed because I didn't have a regular time with God and everyone else seemed to have it all together and be Masters of the Quiet Time. I, not so much. To this day, I struggle with the daily thing(Insert collective gasp here).

But, here's the thing. I wonder where the line is drawn between legalistic checking of the box "Bible read daily" and the real life experience of being in relationship with God. See, the way I see it (and I'm totally ok with being wrong) is that God wants us. He wants to be in relationship with us. That's a two-way street. But it's a personal, love-relationship, not a business one. We don't make conference calls and set up online web chats to do deals with people in Tokyo. I may not check the box daily, but I have a deep and passionate relationship with my Savior. I have learned and grown and changed and been used and found my true joy and peace in Him. I love His Word. I memorize it and cling to it and claim its promises. I talk to Him in the car, in the shower, in my room, by the lake, river, ocean, fountain, in countries near and far. I have seen His hand move in others' lives and been blessed to be used by Him.

Is it possible that the daily quiet time isn't so cut and dried as what those youth ministers and Sunday school teachers described (or rather prescribed)? Isn't it possible to have a comfortable silence with the Savior that doesn't involve either of us speaking? Is it perhaps those growth spurts during key times of our lives that keep us on the right track? Am I on the wrong track? Is someone out there reading this going, "wow, this girl needs help. She's way off on the whole 'spiritual disciplines thing.'" Maybe I am. But I don't think so. I think we beat ourselves up about not being "disciplined" when it's actually not God-given conviction, but self-imposed guilt. We DO need time with God. No relationship can flourish without times of intimacy. But rather than scourging ourselves for our lack of daily discipline, why not make the most of the deep, albeit potentially sporadic, times of fellowship, growth, prayer and Bible study? Why not make a vow to God to be His friend and make Him our confidant? I've found that sometimes the daily discipline of study is dry and unfruitful, while the sporadic times can be so much more fulfilling and nurturing.

Am I rationalizing? If so, somebody out there set me straight. For now, I will go on drinking daily of that which is already in my head and in my heart of God. I will pray and I will study and I will grow, but I will not wallow in guilt about my lack of a daily "quiet time."

2007-02-19T19:37:00.000-08:00

Dwell
*Disclaimer: this is an extremely disjointed, stream of consciousness blog that may not make a bit of sense to anyone who reads it. Don't expect to follow this train of thought...I think it derailed.

I've been told it's time to blog again. I think there are only two people who still read my blog, but that's ok, this is more a time to get my thoughts out than to really say anything to anyone, so I'm blogging again.

I was driving home from Starbucks just now, mulling over the talk I'd just had with my good friend Arshunda and trying to decide what to blog about. In that talk, I had mentioned a Caedmon's Call song called "You Created." The chorus says, "You created nothing that gives me more pleasure than you. And you won't give me something that gives me more pleasure than you." That's so not how my thinking has gone lately. I've been caught up in seeking something, a relationship, a place to plug in at church, a new adventure, whatever, just something because I haven't really been content with God. I've honestly just plain failed to let Him be my source of joy. It's the same old, same old I've got to wrap my head around. We have a God-shaped vacuum that we're all trying to fill with world-shaped stuff and it doesn't work. It never has. It never will. Only when we realize and really buy into the truth that God designed us with that vacuum and God intends to fill it with Himself, do we find joy.

Arshunda and I also talked about going on the offensive to combat the lies of the enemy and fight for that joy and abundance we're promised in Scripture. It's human nature to hole up and defend yourself...to put up your fences, your fists, and protect, protect, protect. But, going on the offensive involves dying to self. It calls for reckless abandonment of security and exposing yourself to the potential for hurt or even death. Paul says we are to offer our bodies as living sacrifices. Jesus told us to die to ourselves. Those things happen on the battle field. They happen as we shift our perspective from inward, focusing on me and my needs to outward, seeing the needs of others. So many of us are seeking to know God's individual plan for our lives, when God wants us to see His big picture plan for the world.

If we can die to self, if we can shift our focus, exchange our temporal perspectives for God's eternal one, then we won't mess around with worrying about who likes whom and why am I not being asked out? Forgiveness won't be such a chore. We won't stress over what so and so said to us at work or why our boss only manages to see our shortcomings and mistakes rather than praise our strengths and successes. We won't be so selfish with our time and insist on getting home in time for the game or our favorite TV show. Who cares? Does it really matter?

That same song I quoted above begins with this question: "Who is like unto the Lord our God who dwelleth on high, who dwelleth on high?" The answer is no one. The truth is that we seek to fulfill our lives with so many petty things and we dwell on the lack of fulfillment they bring. I suggest we move. Take up a new dwelling. Dwell. It's a weird word. It can mean where we live, like our house. It can mean to abide, hang out, stick around, just be. It can be figurative, like what we allow our mind to dwell upon. Philippians tells us to dwell upon things that are pure and lovely, etc. Paul says elsewhere that it's in Him that we "live and move and have our being." In other words, in Christ, we are to dwell. Christ Himself told His followers to abide (dwell) in Him. And so I ask, what are we doing with our time and where are we dwelling?

2007-01-20T10:42:00.000-08:00

Random thoughts from today's walk...

I went walking today and it only took 3 miles for me to realize how very selfish I can be. While walking, a million thoughts went through my head.

I pondered the words to the songs playing on my mp3 player and I realized that I have been stagnating...spending way too much time sitting in my room, watching movies, playing on my computer, reading, whatever... I spend a lot of time alone. Now, there is a time for that, don't get me wrong. We need to be alone sometimes. We need to get away and let God speak to us, but not all of my alone time has been spent pondering the deep things of God. Sure, some of it has, but not even a significant percentage, I must admit. And so it hit me as I walked, that life's not about me. I've heard it a million times and said it a few myself, but I think I'm starting to get it. It helps that I pondered this thought a bit the other day and wrote about it in my prayer journal (for those who don't know, that's like a blog that only God reads, usually written in a book full of blank paper with a pen...remember those?).

Anyway, one of the other things that went through my head was how the deep things of God are so simple and the complexities of the world are so shallow. People usually think to be deep, you must be complex, but there is nothing complex in the parables Jesus told...they were simple stories of observable situations with a much deeper meanings. Faith is simple. Sure, there are complexities that we go through, but those are hindrances to faith, often times brought on by the sin that so easily entangles or the sin of others in which we find ourselves victims. Regardless, they are to be thrown off and faith is to remain in all it's simplicity...the childlike belief that God is in control and that He cares about you individually.

And this concludes "random thoughts from today's walk." Tune in next time to find out what goes through Karla's brain when she walks again.

2006-12-23T10:40:00.000-08:00

What's Wrong with Nirvana?
(not the singing group...we're not going there...)

The other night, I was having dinner with a teacher friend of mine at Freebirds (yum) and we we were talking about the Christian life and how difficult it can be at times. She mentioned Nirvana and how Buddhism has a pretty interesting way of looking at desire and how it should be handled. She made a point to say that Buddhism is not a religion, but a way of life. I hadn't thought of that before, but at the same time, if you think about it, Christianity is both a religion and a way of life. In fact, most religions are a way of life...or at least a set of guidelines by which to live life. I think Buddhism is also both a religion and a way of life.

But, that's actually an afterthought to the conversation we were having. While we were talking, my immediate thought with regard to Nirvana is that it falls short of dealing with the entire human experience. In essence, it throws the baby out with the bath water. I know it has to do with eliminating desires and it's goal is to reach a level of absence of feelings and escape the pain that comes from unfulfilled desires (Very reminiscent of the advice Yoda gave young Anakin with regard to his love for Padme).

However, not being a Buddhist, I don't really know that much about the idea of Nirvana, so I decided to read up a little more, so I could write from an informed perspective rather than an ignorant one. Here's what I discovered. There's a lot of gibberish surrounding definitions of the concept and a lot more terms that would have to be defined in order to even begin to understand what in the world they're talking about. Here's the opening paragraph from Wikipedia's article on Nirvana. It's the best synopsis I've found so far:

[Nirvana] is a mode of being that is free from mind-contaminants (Kilesa) such as lust, anger or craving. It is thus a state of great inner peace and contentment - the end of suffering, or Dukkha. The Buddha in the Dhammapada says of Nirvana that it is "the highest happiness." This is not the transitory, sense-based happiness of everyday life, but rather an enduring, transcendental happiness integral to the calmness attained through enlightenment.

Here are my thoughts. As I was saying earlier, Nirvana throws the baby out with the bathwater. What I mean is that in order to get rid of the natural desires of the flesh, one would also have to give up the joy involved in the fulfillment of those desires. I don't believe God made us to be stoics (another philosophy involving the abandonment of desire). He made us in His image, with feelings. He made us male and female and He designed us for relationships. Yes, sin came into the world and brought with it pain and suffering, but although it marred the image of God in man, it did not eliminate it. The goal of attaining enlightenment seems to me to be an utterly selfish one in which relationships, as well as desires, would have to be sacrificed. While we cannot seek to make ourselves happy solely through relationships with others, God did create us for a relationship with Him and it is only in restoring that relationship through the experience of salvation that we find the abundant life He intended for Adam and Eve.

Nirvana seeks to get rid of pain by getting rid of desire, but the problem with that is that pain is also part of the human experience and serves a very real and in the long run, welcome, purpose of making us stronger, more mature, and better able to relate to others. Also, pain and suffering help us to long for Heaven, the true place of fulfillment.

Here are some additional thoughts of my friend Brant on the subject:
Some of the concepts about nirvana and Buddhism are so abstract, they are kind of hard to grasp. I read that Buddha, as a young kid, was sheltered from different kinds of suffering...people of old age...sickness...etc. At 29 years of age, he sought to find the origin of suffering and how it could be overcome. I guess the goal of Buddhism is to obtain the state of nirvana. In doing this, it involves getting rid of the desires which in the end lead to suffering. I agree with you in that setting a goal of nirvana is a selfish one. It reminds of some new age thoughts that are centered around "feeling good." I am also reminded of a saying I heard one time, "The worship service is not about giving you goose bumps! When you leave a service, you should not be concerned with how YOU feel, but how does God feel. Was he lifted up?" (paraphrase)
For a Christian, we are told in scripture that there will be persecution..suffering. There is no way to escape it. For some, it may be emotional suffering, but for some, such as persecuted believers and martyrs, there is actual physical suffering. Even though suffering may not be pleasant, it definitely has its place in a Christian's life. It reminds us of our weakness, teaches us about God, builds perserverance and helps us understand Christ's sacrifice. I found this passage Matt. 5:4..it says, "Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. " I look to our perfect example of how we should live...Jesus Christ...and how he suffered. It weird we can find enjoyment through suffereing for the cause, but its true.

What do you think?

2006-12-10T07:02:00.000-08:00

Cry Out to Jesus

After dropping Granddaddy off at his church, I was headed back to the house to get ready to go to mine when I passed a house with an assortment of inflatable Christmas decorations...you know the six-foot Santa, the Christmas Merry-Go-Round and of course the giant Frosty. As I approached, I could tell Frosty was holding something in his hand, but I couldn't tell what it was until I got closer. It was a candy cane-outstretched like he was offering it to someone, only the air had seeped out and the candy cane was drooping, just like the real ones when they're broken in half, but still hanging on by the plastic wrapper. It hit me that sometimes we look like that to God. Holding out our broken lives saying "Here you go, God. It's broken, but it's all I've got."

When I was a child, there was a song by the Gaithers that I loved called "Give Them All." I can't remember all the words, but the chorus went something like this,

Give them all,
Give them all
Give them all to Jesus.
Shattered dreams
Wounded hearts
And broken toys.
Give them all
Give them all
Give them all to Jesus,
And He will turn
Your sorrows
Into joys.

I was too young to understand the shattered dreams and wounded hearts part, but I got the broken toys. Now that I'm older, the toys aren't so much what I mourn, but the disappointments in life make me feel like that inflatable Frosty holding out my droopy candy cane saying, "God, can you fix it, or better yet, can I have a new one?"

The problem of pain exists and it's not getting better this side of Heaven. We're all victims, 100%, of the pain, sorrow and frustration that plagues humanity and while we may be aware that the ultimate cause is sin, and that we live in a fallen world, it's hard to find comfort in that. The only way to find comfort is to bring our sorrows to the Cross.

We often think of the Cross as only a place to get our sins forgiven and have our way paid to Heaven, but the truth is that not only was our redemption purchased there, but all the effects of sin were washed away there. We can have peace in the midst of trouble if we take our anxieties to Christ. Even if the sorrow is our own doing and we have failed miserably, God can redeem our biggest failures and make something beautiful come of them.

So many books and songs have been written addressing this very situation of humanity. The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis; Where's God When it Hurts by Philip Yancey; When God Doesn't Make Sense by James Dobson...and the list goes on.

The CD in my car's stereo right now has a song by Third Day called "Cry out to Jesus." It says no matter your situation, whether you are sad because of a tragic death, stuck in a marriage that isn't working out, fighting an addiction that won't let go or just plain lonely, the answer is to cry out to Jesus.

So, if you're feeling like Frosty with your broken candy cane of a life and there seems to be no light at the end of your tunnel, I pray you'll cry out to Jesus and let Him turn your sorrows into joys.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

2006-11-20T21:06:00.000-08:00

React or Respond?

Have you ever accidentally stepped on a dog's tail? You get one of two reactions: 1) a yelp of pain (usually followed by a whimper as the pain subsides), or 2) a snap of anger (also a reaction to pain). When a dog yelps, it's not because he is mad; it's because he is hurt. When he snaps, it's not because he is mean; it's because he is hurt.

We as humans are more in control of our reactions at times than animals, but in a way, we are just like them. When someone steps on our pride or our feelings, we often react with a raw emotion such as anger or hurt, which causes us to either yelp in pain and retreat to lick our wounds or lash out in anger and seek to inflict similar pain in retaliation.

As we've been learning in Sunday school lately, there are actually three wrong responses to conflict: 1) attack-speak out in justification/lash out in retaliation; 2) retreat-run away from the person/situation (avoidance); or 3) surrender-cower to that person/situation and let it control you or have its way. None of these really solves the problem, in fact, they usually complicate and prolong it.

But, then there is a higher way. It is the way Christ exemplified for us while on this earth. He encountered conflict all the time and He always knew how to handle the situation. Sometimes He did speak out in righteous anger. Other times, He compassionately opened the eyes of the attacker to allow them to see the reason behind their attack. And still other times, He simply walked away from the situation knowing "His time had not yet come."

The problem is training yourself to take that higher road. And even more challenging is learning to discern which response is most appropriate in each circumstance. How can we do this? I think the answer lies in staying closely connected to Christ. The more we study His Word and examine what Christ did, analyzing His words and actions for the sake of emulating them, the better chance we have of correctly identifying the situation and responding to it as He would do or as He would have us do. One of the keys is learning not to react immediately, but to check your pride and take a step back to give yourself time to correctly respond.

We're all human and God's not finished with us yet. We have times when we are hurt and our flesh takes over and we react. Maturity is when those times become less and less frequent and more often than not, you do begin to take the higher road.

React or Respond? (Part II)

This was on My Yahoo! homepage today:
Word of the Day
Information provided by Petersons.com
adversity
DEFINITION: (noun) a state or condition that is contrary to one of well-being.

EXAMPLE: It's easy to be patient and generous when things are going well; a person's true character is revealed under adversity.

I thought it fitting and slightly ironic, though certainly not coincidental, that I saw this word after I posted the above.

Oh, one more addendum:
Another source of reaction rather than response is fear. Fear of how that person views you. Fear that they might be right. Fear of being hurt again. Fear of not being able to control them or the situation. Yeah, fear's not so good, but according to the Scripture, there is no fear in love because perfect love casts out fear. So, if we recognize we are wholly and dearly loved by Christ and if we recognize that our attacker is as well, then we are more able to respond rather than react.

Ok, that's all I have to say about that.

2006-11-12T18:51:00.000-08:00

A Good Road?

David Livingstone was a missionary to Africa, one of the first of his kind. He went where no British, in fact, no white man had ever gone. Originally, a doctor, Livingstone made his way into the hearts of the people offering medical attention and solving problems of sanitation and unhealthy habits. Naturally curious and adventurous, Livingstone blazed trails mapping out the country and sending his findings back to Great Britian. He was the one who named Lake Victoria and Victoria Falls for the current queen of England. Today, statues and plaques can be found all over the continent honoring him as a beloved doctor and bearer of the Good News.

Once, while Dr. Livingstone was exploring new territory and discovering new people groups, he received a letter from the British Missionary Society telling him that if he had found a good road to where he was, they would send more men to help him. He wrote back with this message, "If the men you have to send will only come if there is a good road, they are not the men I want. I only want men who are willing to come where there is no road at all."

When my pastor quoted this letter in church today, it hit me that I don't know which kind of 'man' I am. Am I the type who only wants to go where there's a good road or am I willing to take the more difficult path into unknown territory and blaze a trail? Like the poem says, am I one who would take the "road less traveled?"

The Christian life that is safe and comfortable is usually also without fruit. It is those who live recklessly and passionately for God that see his hand move mightily through their lives. God did incredible, world-changing things through this Dr. Livingstone because he was one who did not need a good road. Are you?

2006-11-08T21:28:00.000-08:00

Veterans' Day

If you're like me, when you hear the word 'veteran,' you think of old guys sitting around the VFW hall playing dominoes or one-legged men in wheelchairs holding cardboard signs at the intersections of large cities. But, it hit me recently that with the Gulf War in the 80's and the current War on Terror, there are veterans that are actually younger than I, in fact, my little brother is one.

Yep, that's right, my baby brother, two years younger than me, has fought in a war and now bears the title of veteran. That changes my perspective on this upcoming holiday. So, today in advisory period (aka- study hall), I had my students write thank you cards to the men and women who are currently fighting for our freedom and will hopefully come home with the title of veteran.

Not to downplay what these brave soldiers are doing, I can't help but think of the war we're all a part of as Christians. The Bible tells us that we are to engage in combat with the enemy, but the weapons of our warfare are not physical, but spiritual. We're to dress ourselves with the armor of God and take up the shield of faith and the Sword of the Spirit which is the Bible. We're to battle in prayer. We're to take back captives and free the prisoners by sharing our faith and admonishing or encouraging our brothers in their walks with God. In a way, if we are engaging in this battle, we too may bear the title of veteran.

So, this November 11, as you remember and honor those who have fought and are fighting for your freedom as an American, take a moment to think and pray about what contribution God would have you make to the spiritual war that goes on all around you. Check your gear and make sure you're protected and armed. Read Ephesians 6:10-18 and 2 Corinthians 10:3-4 and step up and join the fight.

2006-10-28T07:59:00.000-07:00

Grateful and Better
(or perhaps more aptly titled, "No Longer Jealous and Bitter")

This is for all the people who read my previous post and are worried about me. :) I did that praying that I was talking about and also did some more thinking, spent some time with good Christian friends, listened to some Chris Tomlin and Third Day (two of my favorite artists), went to church and studied some Scripture.

Life is good. Like one of my friends said in a recent e-mail, I'm doing pretty well if my main problem in life is being single. I still haven't written that best-seller and I am still dateless, but God is good. Not just good, He's sufficient. Every day there is something new to thank God for. Whether it's simply the fact that you woke up this morning or something huge like finding out your book is being published or starting a new relationship; God is there. His presence is more desireable than any blessing He can give.

Like being with your friends...you don't want to be with them for the things they give you. You simply enjoy their company. That's how God's presence is. God is not a Cosmic vending machine. He is a friend of sinners. How amazing is that? If you got to visit the White House or eat lunch with a celebrity, you'd talk about it for months. But think about this-you get to hang out with the One who designed every tree and animal and the human body and the veins on the back of a leaf and the sunset over the Pacific. That's your God. And not only that, He's your friend.

So, if you were worried about me being jealous and bitter, know that I was just having a "moment." We all have those. It's what we do with them in life that determines who we are.

2006-10-24T19:53:00.000-07:00

Jealous AND Bitter?

A girl from my old Sunday School class at Second Baptist just published a book. When I got the e-mail telling me about this new book, my instant response was jealousy. I've always wanted to write a book and have it published. And to top it off, her book is on the same topic as a book I've started, but never finished. I took note of my initial reaction, then decided to move past it and go ahead and read the first chapter which can be accessed online.

As I read, God used this girl to speak directly to my heart. It occurred to me that I'm starting to get bitter because life hasn't met my expectations. I feel like God has forgotten me because I'm still single. Sure, I can quote the Scriptures about God knowing the plans He has for me and not being anxious about anything, but praying about everything. I can spout all the pithy mantras about God's timing and using my singleness to its utmost potential. I can remind myself of all the blessings I do have and all the things I've gotten to do in my life so far.

I can counsel others on trusting God, but there are just those times when I get tired of waiting and feel left behind, like that time Mom thought Dad was picking me up from school and Dad thought Mom had me. I sat outside the gym until it started to get dark and finally a kind policeman stopped and took me home only to discover neither of them was there. I ended up at the police station waiting for them to get home and answer the phone to learn where I was. Aren't you glad we have cell phones now?

Well, anyway, I've got some praying to do. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to be jealous of my girl friends' success or happiness. I want to be able to say with Paul that "to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Phil 2:20). I want to be so much more anxious to get to heaven than to get down the aisle. I want to want Jesus more than a husband...not that I can get rid of the desire to be married. I believe that is God-given, but I want to give that desire its rightful place in my total mindset.

By the way, I do want to reccommend my friend's book. I think it could help others besides me.

2006-10-22T20:19:00.000-07:00

Heresy, Blasphemy and Episode III

I was at a friend's house tonight watching Star Wars, Episode III and we were commenting on how New Age Yoda's instructions to Anakin Skywalker were. He told him that he needed to let go of all attachments and get rid of all feelings-love and hate, fear and anger in order to be a good Jedi Knight. Of course, if you've seen the movie, you know that Anakin doesn't follow Yoda's advice and ends up becoming Darth Vader after making some really dreadful decisions, thus seemingly proving Yoda right.

I was telling the others present that I don't like this Episode for that very reason. It's painful to watch someone with a dilemma like Skywalker's choose wrong, even if he thinks he's doing it for the right reasons.

Now, I know some of my friends out there in blog world may be shocked at my criticism of their beloved Star Wars, and may be even now accusing me of heresy, but that's ok. I do realize that everything works out in the end and Skywalker eventually does what is necessary to "bring balance to the Force," it's just sad that there are so many casualties along the way. Yeah, that's what's sad. But what's scary is the fact that so many people watch these movies and are unable to separate the drama and action from the philosophy and heresy woven throughout the six episodes.

Whether conciously or not, we can be affected by Yoda's advice to close ourselves off from attachments that could lead to painful experiences. We put up walls to protect ourselves from situations where we might get hurt or become angry. After all, look where it got Anakin. But, that's the gospel according to Yoda. Jesus says just the opposite, and the apostles John and Paul reiterate that we are to love one another; hate what is evil, cling to what is good; be angry, but do not sin; fear the Lord.

Can you imagine living in a world where we were told not to have emotions? That would make us more like droids than humans. Part of being created in the image of God is our ability to feel, to love, to express emotion. There is no Force to be balanced out with Nirvana-like removal of attachments. The world needs all the love we can give and God's power that is shown through His people fulfilling the purpose of the Church, is more amazing than any Jedi mind trick or use of the Force.

Letting down your walls and letting God love people through you almost certainly will expose you to painful situations, but consider the alternative-a life that is powerless and devoid of joy. Which would you choose?

2006-10-18T16:43:00.000-07:00

Oops!

When I signed on to Yahoo! today, there was an article on the homepage about a casino owner in Vegas who accidentally poked a hole in an original Picasso painting he had just sold for $139 million! Of course, he did the right thing by releasing the buyer of his obligation to pay up on the damaged goods, but the story reminded me of how temporary this Earth and all its valuables really are.

For one thing, it amazes me that anyone would pay millions of dollars for a piece of cloth with paint on it. Who gets to say which paintings are more valuable than others? And now that the painting is no longer in perfect condition, how much is it worth? The guy's going to keep the painting and have it repaired, but would he ever be able to sell it now?

Aren't you glad that God doesn't treat us like that painting? We have supreme value because Jesus paid for us with His life, but what if God had decided we weren't worth anything anymore because we were "damaged goods" after the fall? When this life is over and all the Picasso's are burned up (along with all the other expensive stuff we spend too much money on), what will remain? We will. Man's soul will outlast all the art, all the technology, all the stuff. That should make us realize the value of people over everything else and it should challenge us to treat people as the supremely valuable creation that they are. Each individual life is worth infinite Picasso paintings.

That's why Jesus said "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also" (Matthew 6:19-21).

That treasure He's talking about is the souls that will be in heaven because you told them the truth about Christ. There's nothing else we can put in storage there. How awesome will it be to get to heaven and be greeted by our "treasure" in the form of people we made an eternal impact upon.

So, poor guy who ruined his Picasso painting. Let's pray he got a glimpse of the temporal nature of earthly things.

2006-10-16T21:35:00.000-07:00

Forward Progress

It's football season. One of the only redeeming aspects of the NFL is getting to see your favorite college players take that step "up" and try to make it in the big arena. I put "up" in quotes because if you're like me, you prefer watching college ball over pro any day. So, it's time to don your favorite team's shirt and spend your Saturdays flipping between games revelling in the school spirit, the upsets and the victories, the huge plays and the "Hi Mom" signs that make up college football.

Now, even if you're not a fan, and you don't know much about the game, most people know that the goal is to get the football across the goal line to score a touchdown. Of course, there are other ways to score involving kicking, tackling in the opponents' end zone, etc., but the most common (and most effective pointwise) way to score is the touchdown. To get there, your team must make forward progress. Either by passing or running with it, the ball must get across that line.

The same goes with life. The goal is to win and the way to win is to score against the Enemy. To score against the Enemy, we must make forward progress.
Ways to score against the Enemy:
1) Surrender your life to Christ (salvation).
--John 10:10 says, "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly."
2) Surrender your life to be used by God
--I Corinthians 15:57-58 says, "But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, for you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."
--Romans 12:1-2 says, "I urge you therefore, to offer up your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God which is your spiritual act of worship. Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will know what God's will is-His good, pleasing and perfect will."
3) Through God's grace, conquer personal sin
--Ephesians 4:17-24 (Contemporary English Version) says,
17 As a follower of the Lord, I order you to stop living like stupid, godless people. 18 Their minds are in the dark, and they are stubborn and ignorant and have missed out on the life that comes from God. They no longer have any feelings about what is right, 19 and they are so greedy that they do all kinds of indecent things.
20-21 But that isn’t what you were taught about Jesus Christ. He is the truth, and you heard about him and learned about him. 22 You were told that your foolish desires will destroy you and that you must give up your old way of life with all its bad habits. 23 Let the Spirit change your way of thinking 24 and make you into a new person. You were created to be like God, and so you must please him and be truly holy.

There are many other ways to make forward progress in the Christian life, but these are a few of the big ones...the touchdowns, if you will.

One thing my pastor said on Sunday really hit home with me. He opened his sermon by saying that 3 steps forward and 2 steps back is still 1 step forward. Life is all about forward strides and setbacks. The problem is that so many of us focus on the 2 steps back and let them paralyze us rather than taking stock and realizing that hey, we just made forward progress. It may not have been much, but at least it was in the right direction.

In football, the defense is supposed to tackle the guy with the ball to keep him from going any farther forward. Sometimes they don't knock him down, but the ball is considered down because the defense has "stopped forward progress" by getting in the way of the player with the ball or pushing him backward. Don't let the Enemy stop your forward progress. He will point to your 2 steps back and discourage you saying, "you'll never get this Christian walk thing right. You might as well quit trying." When he does that, point to that step forward and remind him (and yourself) that you are already on the winning team.

2006-10-08T21:02:00.000-07:00

Lonely in a Crowd

Starbucks is a great place to get some work done. Yesterday, I sat in my room all day and "worked" on papers that needed to be graded and recorded. I took frequent breaks to check my e-mail, surf the web or play a game on the computer. Not only that, but there was football on tv. I mean, I HAD to watch football, right? Needless to say, I didn't get much done. That meant that today was the day to finish up. So, after lunch, I grabbed my school bag and headed to the Starbucks. I mean, I was serious. With the help of a Grande Carmel Macciatto, those papers got graded in about two hours. Did I mention that I'd spent all day on them yesterday? Anyway, to the point of my story...

I finished up around 8:00pm, so I decided to go check out CityFest and see if things were still going on there. I found a great parking spot since a lot of folks with kids were leaving. As I wandered up to the main stage I started to feel really lonely. I was supposed to go with some girls from church, but that fell through. I made it to the stage right as Luis Palau was finishing his message. I realized if I'd come earlier, I could have helped out with decision counseling or something, but I hadn't been on the ball enough to sign up and show up.

So here I was, wandering through the crowd looking for familiar faces. I saw a few, but they were with significant others, so I kept walking. Chris Tomlin was about to go on, so I stuck around. As he started leading the crowd in worship, that lonely feeling intensified. Here were all these people with their friends and families around them worshipping God and I was all alone. I watched the people raising their hands, eyes closed, lost in the moment of worship and I thought this is what Heaven will be like, only without the loneliness and I can't wait for that day when I won't ever feel alone in a crowd again.

Then it hit me the words I was singing. "Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough for me." I was singing because I knew the words, but I wasn't really singing to God. I wasn't taking to heart the fact that even though I was there alone, I wasn't really alone and not only that, but the God who was there with me, in me, was enough for me. I won't tell you that I instantly felt good about being there alone. After all, God did design us for relationships, but I knew I would be ok and that even though I was experiencing a moment of loneliness, I was there for a reason. I needed to learn to lean on God's grace and find it enough for me in that moment. I stayed to the end and even bought a CD, then left still feeling alone, but knowing that no matter how lonely I feel, there will always be enough grace for me. I'm challenged as I struggle with my singleness and as I try to figure out God's purpose for my life, to turn those struggles and fears over to the only One who can meet my every need. His grace is enough...

"For the LORD is a sun and a shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Oh LORD almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you." Ps. 84:11-12

2006-09-29T19:49:00.000-07:00

DIE-HARD ASTROS FANS ANONYMOUS

I went to get my haircut today and found a soulmate in Veronica, the hairdresser. I was overjoyed to find another girl out there who loves the Astros as much as I do and keeps on believing! There are two teachers in my lunch hour who are also abreast on the latest Astros news and can converse intelligently on the ins and outs of the team and the game. It's so refreshing to know I'm not alone.

It's also nice to know that there are some people out there who would never dream of taking my phone away just because I was checking the score. Those who would, and have, will remain nameless (unless it happens again) because they should feel the guilt.

NEVER STOP BELIEVING!!

2006-09-06T18:33:00.000-07:00

Ouch, That Hurt!

Something happened recently that hurt my pride. I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say that I was not a happy camper. As I simmered in my frustration, I searched for the source of the pain. I could point to the situation and the people involved and blame them for it. I could go through all the details and the "if only's" that would have made things turn out more pleasantly for me.

But, instead, I asked God why I was so hurt. I was surprised with the answer. It occurred to me suddenly and alarmingly that I was hurt because I still had pride left in me to be hurt. I mean, if I were dead to self, this situation would not have affected me like it did. Am I on the right track here? What do you think? Is it possible to get to the point where your pride can't be hurt?

2006-08-28T20:21:00.000-07:00

I Don't Remember a Thing...

You know it's funny...almost every time I tell someone I'm a Spanish teacher, they give me some form of the expression, "yeah, I took two years of Spanish in high school and I don't remember a thing."

Now, I could take that as a devaluation of my existence as a Spanish teacher, but then I remember Mr. Mahan, my 10th grade Geometry teacher. I remember very little of what he taught me. I couldn't tutor someone in the subject and I definitely couldn't teach it or use it as a career foundation, but there's something else Mr. Mahan did that I'll never forget...he valued me as a person. When I tore all the ligaments in my ankle the night before his final exam, I got up and went to school anyway, so I wouldn't let him down. I fell asleep in the middle of the exam (Codine will do that to ya') and he had the school call my mom to come pick me up. He told me not to worry about the test...I could make it up later. I don't remember Geometry, but I remember him. That's why I teach...not to make kids bilingual, but to make them better people.

I also remember Mrs. Kotis and Mrs. Christman. Now, these two teachers didn't value me as a person. They chose favorites and I wasn't one of them, and I knew it...they made sure I knew it. Maybe not intentionally or consciously, but with their snide comments and negative treatment, I felt their disfavor. That's why I teach...to make sure there's someone out there counteracting the Mrs. Kotises and the Mrs. Christmans. I pray I never make a kid feel the way those two women made me feel.

It doesn't matter if my students ever use their Spanish outside of class or if they remember anything I taught them when they get to be 20 or 30 years old. What matters is if they remember that Miss Turner valued them as a person, so maybe, just maybe it's ok to value themselves. That's why I teach.

2006-08-25T21:48:00.000-07:00

Losing Your Appetite

I was watching a cheesy chick flick called Raising Helen (wonderful way to spend a lame Friday night alone) and it hit me that the big churchy word sanctification is really just about losing your appetite. Before you go, "huh? Karla's lost it," let me attempt to explain.

The movie is about a beautiful, young, successful New Yorker named Helen who is the top assistant to the owner of a premiere modeling agency. She has everything going for her until her sister and brother-in-law die and leave her with three kids ages 5-15 to raise. At the risk of ruining the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it, things don't go so well and Helen ends up giving the kids over to her other sister and attempts to go back to her old lifestyle. But something has happened to her. She has lost her appetite for the clubs and parties and fancy things that used to define her life. She's discovered how much being a "mom" means and how important those kids are to her. While they were with her, she met a Lutheran pastor (the kids' principal) who helped her see that life's not all about her, not just about fashion and fun.

Of course, the movie isn't evangelistic, but it does give a good picture of what happens to a person when they die to self. When we become Christians, we are accepting the headship of Christ over our lives so that we no longer live for ourselves. And as we grow closer to Him, in relationship to Christ, we lose our appetite for sin.

The apostle John put it this way in 1 John 3:6, "No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him." What I think John is saying is that if you don't start to lose your appetite for sin, then you probably don't have a good relationship with Christ because knowing Him will change your desires. Sure, it takes time and some people really struggle with surrender, but eventually, you look back and say "wow, those things I used to enjoy so much don't seem fun anymore." The closer you are to Christ, the more you find joy in the things that bring Him pleasure and glory. You realize that the world's idea of "fun" is really empty and meaningless...a chasing after the wind.

So, think about it. Are you losing your appetite for the things of the world? Do vapid songs, movies and tv shows leave you unsatisfied? Are you less and less inclined to invest your time in things that are temporary and more inclined to spend it on things that are eternal? If not, think about where you are with God. Listen to what Paul says to the church in Corinth, "Brothers, I could not addess you as spiritual, but as worldly, mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed you are still not ready. You are still worldly" (1 Cor. 3:1-3). Isn't that sad? Don't let that be you. Beg for new cravings. Beg to lose your appetite.

2006-08-20T19:25:00.000-07:00

Bring It On!

It's that time again...school. My district starts pretty late compared to the school districts around us, but not as late as other parts of the country... they won't be going back for another week or two.

I'm not ready. Mentally-I'm getting there. Physically-I need to get back on track with my sleep schedule. Emotionally-kicking and screaming!! Spiritually...well, I told a teacher friend of mine at church today that I need a serious attitude check. This is a spiritual thing. God put me in the classroom for a reason. He wants me there...He wants to use me there. So, why am I so resistant to be there?

It sounds so spiritual and holy to say that I'd rather be on the mission field until I remind myself, I am on the mission field. America's public schools are as closed to the gospel as Eastern Europe before the fall of the Iron Curtain. Now, the consequences for breaking the law are very different (so far, no American teacher has had to suffer like the missionaries and martyrs who bring the gospel to Communist countries), but the enemy is definitely attempting to close the school doors to the gospel as Christian teachers are strictly warned not to "proselytize" in school or to use their position of authority as a platform for their faith.

So, what can I do as a Christian public school teacher? I can pray for my students. I can set a godly example for them. I can live my life in a way that makes them ask me what's different about me (if they ask, we're allowed to tell them). I can seek out Christian students and encourage them to share their faith because they're allowed to say things we aren't. I can sponsor a Christian club like Student Venture, FCA or Young Life, letting my students know that I am a Christian by my support of those organizations. I can be there for them.

This is bigger than me. It's bigger than any of us. This is a God-sized task, so thank God He's the One who's going to be doing the work...I just have to be willing to be used by Him.

So, tomorrow, when that bell rings and my new students come filing into my classroom, my mission begins anew. I may not want to go back to school, but I do want to glorify God with my life, so here's my chance. Bring it on!

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ... Pray that I may proclaim it clearly as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:2-6

2006-08-12T08:46:00.000-07:00

Demoralization

Some of you girls out there may have already heard this if you've done the Beth Moore study "Believing God," but something she said in the video segment I watched online today hit me square between the eyes and I felt like I should share it with the readers and lurkers in BlogWorld. God, through Beth, gave me the 2x4 treatment today (you know, when God hits you upside the head with a 2x4 and it changes your life forever?). Here's what He said:

Demoralization is when the enemy figures out what you most fear that you are and sets about to confirm it.

When those words came out of Beth's mouth, I could feel God saying to me, "that's what you're letting happen to you. You fear you are a bad teacher, a lazy bum, an unlovable failure because you're still single...those are the lies Satan is convincing you are true, but they're not true. Here is what's true. You are mine. You are loved. You can do all things through Christ's strength in you. You have gifts and blessings that I have uniquely given you that I want to uniquely use to further my Kingdom."

How is Satan trying to demoralize you? What is it you most fear you are? Well, don't believe it.

Does that mean that there's not room for growth in those areas of my life and yours? Of course not. We all have room for growth and those things we fear most about ourselves are probably the areas where we need to grow most. But if we will give them to God and say, "I fear this about me, but I trust you with that fear and I'm yours," God will take that fear and give us the greatest victory in those very areas...and I venture to say, it will be so miraculous that you will not be able to explain it any other way than that it was the hand of God.

Don't let the enemy demoralize you. I imagine it's not any harder for you than it was for me to know immediately what I feared most I was. Give it to God. Then believe what God's Word says about you.

It's summed up in Ephesians 1:3-7.
v.3-you are BLESSED with every spiritual blessing
v.4-you are CHOSEN before the creation of the world
v.5-you are ADOPTED as His son (or daughter)
v.6-you are ACCEPTED as He freely gives us His glorious grace
v.7-you are REDEEMED through His blood
v.7-you are FORGIVEN of your sins and lavished with His grace.

Most importantly, verse 4 says that we were chosen in love. God chose you because He loves you...not because He just wants to reform you like some warden in a correctional facility. He wants to renew your mind, refresh your spirit, redeem your life, because He loves you.

You are LOVED.

Believe who God says you are, not who you fear you are.

2006-08-06T00:05:00.000-07:00

If You're Not Sure...

Well, the big test is over. I had five hours to take a 70 question test, which of course only took and hour and a half, but I'm sure some people stayed to the bitter end. Not me! I was outta there as soon as I'd bubbled in #70 on my answer document.

Speaking of bubbling in answers, I was reading Page 1 in my test booklet, as instructed by the test administrator, which of course had all the mumbo jumbo about the test length, rules, instructions, etc. etc. The sample question was the first thing that took me by surprise. It read,

"What is the capital of Texas?"
a. Dallas
b. San Antonio
c. Austin
d. El Paso

Page 1 then proceeded to inform us of the correct answer and instuct us on how to bubble in the answer, complete with a picture in case we weren't sure. Mind you, this test is for teachers and future teachers of Gifted and Talented children. I'm sorry, but if we can't bubble answers by now, we have no business educating the future of America, much less the "gifted" future of America. The test itself was actually pretty tough, which further added to the irony of such explicit instructions.

If that weren't enough to amuse, amaze and sadden me, Page 1 then went on to explain that we should not leave any answers blank because we would "not be penalized for guessing." What? How in the world is that possible? The only way NOT to be penalized for guessing is to guess right. I guarantee you, if you guess wrong, you WILL be penalized. Duh! I think they just tell us that to keep us from leaving any answers blank, but come on people! Do we really fall for that?

Unfortunately, many people are falling for that lie daily...even Christians. We think if we're not sure about the truths of God's Word, it's ok to guess. Well guess what? It's NOT! Whole world religions, cults, false beliefs, etc. are based on the premise that it's ok to guess. If you're not sure, that's alright, God won't penalize you for guessing, as long as you're sincere about it. WRONG! If you guess wrong, you have everything to lose. That's a pretty big gamble with your eternity. Better hope you guess right.

The beauty of Christianity is that although it definitely calls for an element of faith, we have the Holy Spirit to grant us the assurance that we are not guessing. Jesus said, "if you hold to my teachings, you are really my disciples. Then you will KNOW the Truth and the Truth will make you free" (John 8:31-32). The same apostle who recorded those words of Jesus later writes a letter to some fellow believers encouraging them that they can KNOW that they have eternal life. He says, "And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may KNOW that you have eternal life" (I John 5:11-13).

We don't have to guess. We can KNOW. Now let's remember the words to the song we sang in Metro Thursday night. "All of life comes down to just one thing. That's to KNOW you, O Jesus, and to make you KNOWN." Anyone who doesn't KNOW will be penalized for guessing. Let's strive to eliminate the guesswork for them by making Him KNOWN by our words and actions.

2006-08-03T06:20:00.000-07:00

What Happens if I Fail?

So, I was sitting in Starbucks yesterday studying for my big test on Saturday. I had just taken a break from the "Nature and Needs of Gifted and Talented Students" to catch up a little on my Bible study, "Believing God," when in walked a scantily clad woman who proceeded to the counter to order. She came and sat at the next table over, her top designed to show off her endowment/enhancement, whichever the case may be. I didn't think much of it, just contined studying the faith of Isaac and Joseph. A few moments later, Miss E/E was joined by a friend in much more modest workout attire.

They sat and talked and giggled a little. Suddenly, the thought crossed my mind, "those girls need Jesus." I shoved the thought back in my mind and continued my study which was asking me to apply the faith of our fathers to my own life there in the workbook. It took me a second to realize that the voice I had heard was not my own, but the Holy Spirit. I froze. My heart started beating faster and I sat there...I knew God wanted me to talk to them. The next thought was, "I do have some tracts in my bag." I tried to keep studying while praying, "God, if you want me to talk to them, open a door for conversation or something." What a faithless prayer! God obviously wanted me to talk to them! Why wouldn't He? These girls needed Jesus! And there I sat, with the Truth at my fingertips and even in my head...yes, I've been trained multiple times in evangelism. I know all the verses and even some extras that go with tough questions. So, why was I stuck there like a bump on a log hoarding the Truth to myself? I started praying for their souls, that God would speak to them and let them know their need for Him, but I was too scared to share it with them myself.

After about 10 minutes of agonizing over my fear of striking up a conversation with strangers, Miss E/E got up and left, accidentally bumping into a guy who had his back to her. He took the opportunity to watch her retreating form, much to the amusement of Miss Workout who was still sitting near me. I caught her eye and shared an amused smile...perfect door. But did I say anything? No, I was still praying for an "opening." Right away, Miss Workout got up and left. My heart sank. I had failed.

So, now what? I pray for forgiveness. I pray for another chance. I pray for the courage and boldness not to fail the next time. I keep praying for the souls of these two girls. I know God is bigger than my failures, but I missed out on the blessing of being used by Him...that's what happens when I fail. I could sit here and wallow in my failure and allow the enemy to convince me that I am totally unfit for Kingdom work. Instead of bemoaning my cowardice, however, I choose to remember the times I haven't shrunk back and God has used me (Heb 10:38). I go on in the strength of those victories remembering that I am not alone and that my struggle is not against flesh and blood...and I ask God to please redeem this situation by giving me an extra measure of boldness so that I will not fail again.

2006-08-01T08:43:00.000-07:00

Will There be a Test Over This?

One of the most frustrating questions a teacher gets asked by students is "Will there be a test over this?" as if we were just telling them stuff for fun, not to actually educate them. My answer usually goes something like this, "No, I just thought y'all would be interested in conjugating irregular stem-changing verbs in the preterite, so I decided to put some up on the board for you" (I teach Spanish).

Despite my frustration with such questions, I've found myself doing the same thing to God. Have you ever noticed that when God wants to teach you something, you hear it over and over again from different sources in a short period of time? The pastor's sermon will be about that, then also the Sunday school lesson, then you'll read something on your own or a friend will call and say something similar. It's like "Ok, God, I'm listening!!"

But, then I'm always surprised when He puts what He's teaching me to the test. Lately He's been working on me in the areas of faith and contentment. No, actually, contentment isn't the right word. He wants me to have joy in the circumstances in which He's placed me and trust Him for everything. I've been learning how truly small my faith actually is. It's scary, in fact. Sunday school this week, my small group Bible study, a book I just read, several conversations with friends and this morning, an e-mail forward from Granddaddy have all been saying the same thing: "Trust Me."

Ok, God, I will trust you...but, will there be a test over this?

2006-07-23T12:28:00.000-07:00

Outstanding Debt

I'm in charge of the sign up sheet for my sunday school class for the upcoming First Baptist Night at the Astros game. Today, I wrote the standard "Name, Phone, E-mail, Paid?" heading across the top of a piece of paper and began recruiting folks to go. When Jonathan signed up, he immediately pulled out his wallet to pay for his ticket saying "I don't like to be in debt." A great philosophy to have in life, though rare in our consumer driven nation. Upon taking his $6, I was reminded of Paul's instruction to the Romans,"let no debt remain outstanding except the continuing debt to love one another" (Rms 13:8).

What did Paul mean by that? Well, Jesus commanded His disciples to love one another as He had loved them (John 15:12) and went on to allude again to His death with the next statement that "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." Love is a command, therefore I find it interesting that Paul calls it an outstanding debt. By definition, a debt is something owed to someone in exchange for something else. So, if love is a debt, does that mean we only "owe" love to those who have something to give us in exchange? I don't think so...that would be inconsistent with the rest of Scripture. We're called to love those who can't do anything for us (for example, your "neighbor" may be someone like the man in the story of the great Samaritan who is robbed, beaten and lying on the side of the road...he can't do a thing to earn your love). So, here's what I'm proposing.

The Person to whom we owe the real debt of love is Christ Himself. While we're called to "love the Lord our God with all our hearts, souls, minds and strength," we're also called to "love our neighbors as ourselves." It's kindof a "pay it forward" idea. We can never love Jesus enough to repay Him for the Cross, so instead, we must love Him with everything we do have, then attempt to continue paying Him back, by paying that love forward to others. We're to go to our grave making deposits on our debt of love.

But all this is theoretical...stuff we know in our heads, but are less definite on how to make it play out. How do we pay this debt in practical ways? First, we need to ask God to give us opportunities to show love to others. We must pray for His heart for them to beat in us so that our attitude toward them is one of compassion and kindness, rather than frustration and impatience. We must ask for the ability to love...it's not something we can muster up on our own. Pray about it, open your eyes and your heart and then make your payments. At the same time, recognize that this debt will always be outstanding; you will never fully pay it back, but delight in the ability to pay toward it at all.

Oh, and one more thing...don't be afraid to be a recipient of someone else's deposit. It wouldn't be fair to cheat them out of the joy of making a payment!

2006-07-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

I'm Independent!
Granddaddy got a new scooter. Many of my friends have heard all about this recent grasp for independence including how he went behind all of our backs to order the thing online, despite the fact that several family members had advised him against it. Then once it arrived, he decided that he didn't need to stay on the sidewalk (it was too bumpy), the street is much better...never mind that the scooter goes a whopping 6mph max. Anyway, we've had several talks about the scooter and where it's safe to ride, etc, etc. I did make him promise me that he would wait until I could go with him the first time he took it for a spin, which he did, only because by a stroke of Providence, the scooter arrived minus its all-important seat and in the meantime, I got back into town and "happened to be home" the day the missing part arrived.

We took it down to the church (his primary desired destination)...him driving his 6mph and me jogging alongside. On the way home, he got disoriented and lost his street, then passed his house (this didn't foster much confidence in me),but we managed. Also, I had to take him to the bicycle shop to get an obnoxious horn, a bright orange flag and reflective triangle stickers so he could be somewhat safer out there.

It occurs to me that we do the same thing as Granddaddy in our spiritual lives. We run ahead of God, making our decisions despite what we're told in Scripture and ignoring the warnings of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. We assert our "independence" by choosing to ride on the "smoother street" because the sidewalks of life are too bumpy. We lose our way home because we get so caught up in the world that we forget what home looks like and we drive right past it.

It's ironic that even with all this "independence" Granddaddy's scooter brings him, I still had to take him to the store for scooter parts and I had to show him the way home the first time he went out on it. Independence is a farce, an illusion...it's the enemy telling us that we don't need God, we can maneuver through life just fine on our own. We can put on our little horn and flag and reflective stickers and we'll be safe from all the speeding, unheeding cars out there with which we're so determined to share the road.

The most freeing thing a Christian can do is not to assert his independence, but to recognize his utter dependence. This is what Christ meant when He said "Apart from me, you can do nothing" (John 15:5b). In fact, that whole chapter of John's gospel is about our sole dependence on Christ for everything. Stop believing the lie that you can be independent and start resting on the glorious fact that dependence means you're not in charge of the outcome...you only have to be faithful in the day-to-day. Rest on what Christ has done for you on the Cross and trust in the Lord with all your heart, not in your own understanding. Celebrate dependence! It means Someone who knows much better than you is taking care of you!

Oh, and please pray for my Granddaddy not to get lost or fall off that crazy thing somewhere between home and church.

2006-07-03T14:39:00.000-07:00

Forgotten Fruit

I read a devotional this morning on the fruits of the Spirit. It was cool because Pastor Gregg also mentioned them this Sunday in his sermon, so they were fresh on my mind, meaning God is trying to hammer something home with me. So, after reading the devotional and doing a little thinking, I headed out for a walk so I could have fresh air to go along with my thoughts. (I find that sometimes I think better outside.)

As I walked and thought, I went through each fruit of the Spirit individually, considering what it would look like to have each trait. Some of them were easier than others. I mean, we're Christians, so we're always talking about Love and Joy and Peace and the dreaded Patience, but then there's also Kindness and Goodness. We don't talk about those as much. And what about Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control?

Kindness. It seems almost old-fashioned. "She's kind." "He's such a kind man." No one talks like that anymore. I remember learning the verse as a child in Sunday school, "Be ye kind, one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another. Just as in Christ, God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32" So, is kindness, the idea old-fashioned or just the term? What exactly does Paul mean when he says kindness is a fruit of the Spirit? How does kindness differ from love or gentleness? Certainly they're interrelated.

Goodness is also kindof a "forgotten fruit," though it's taught constantly, especially to children and teenagers, but in a disguised manner. A person whose life is abandoned to the Spirit of God will be someone who can be defined as "good." Hollywood has made goodness almost despicable or at the very least naive. The good girl is homely and the good guy is a nerd. Being good just isn't any fun, according to the world's standards. But Paul lists it at one of the signs that a person is living by the Spirit. Hmmm...interesting.

I'll have to mull a little more on the last three, so I'll save those for a future blog entry. Let me know what you think.

2006-06-28T06:17:00.000-07:00

(Summer)Time's A'wastin' Have you heard that new Kenny Chesney song (I'm assuming it's new since I haven't listened to the radio much lately) called "Sweet Summertime"? It's all about how fun summer is for kids out of school...the freedom, hanging out with friends, etc. It's totally a feel-good song. Anyway, I woke up this morning thinking about all the things I told myself I'd do this summer and decided it was a good topic for another blog entry. As I mulled over what to say, that song came to mind. As a school teacher, summertime holds much of the same sentiment as the song...thoughts of freedom, time to relax and not worry about work. I usually go on a couple of mission trips or youth camps, hang with my family and try to visit friends, but I also make these grand resolutions to excercise and read my Bible more or memorize some of it. I have books I want to get read (or even books I'd love to write), but for some reason, summertime slips away and I don't seem to get these things done. I've travelled, hiked, boated and jet skiied, played around with friends, old and new, but here it is, the last few days of June, meaning summertime is about half over and I haven't spent more time with God, I've probably spent less. So, what does that mean? I think it indicates that when we have more time, we waste more time. I manage time better when I have less of it to work with. Is anyone else that way? How about my fellow teachers? Is any of this ringing a bell (not a school bell, thank goodness!!!)?

2006-06-11T15:00:00.000-07:00

Guatemala
I've heard it said that describing a mission trip to folks back home is kindof like trying to give a haircut through the mail. It's so hard to explain to people what God did and what you learned and experienced when on the field. But, they always ask and of course, those who've prayed and given money for you to go deserve to know how things went. So, here goes my attempt to tell you about my trip to Guatemala.

One of the main things God did in me personally was challenge me to live more by faith and less by sight. When we were there, we worked with several schools in which teachers from the US were serving as missionaries. I was amazed at the simplicity with which they explained their various paths to Guatemala. Three of them had been drawn back there after a mission trip they had taken with their respective church groups. Nancy and Stacy had committed to at least 2 years there. Maureen was there indefinitely. Rebecca was there as a career missionary running a school with her husband and Laura had just married a local Guatemalan man and is there for however long the Lord leads. It struck me that I could do something like. Back in college, I surrendered my life to whatever "mission" God had for me. So far, that has been America's public and sometimes private schools. But, I'm getting out of debt at the end of this school year, so who knows?? I'm challenged to be willing to join God's work in this beautiful Central American country.

Another challenge came on the day we went to the park to share our faith with the people. It was a Sunday afternoon and the plaza was packed. It was raining on and off, so every once in a while, everyone would make a mad dash for cover. As we hung out with these people, several members of our group struck up conversations (through translators) and many of them led folks to faith in Christ. My partner and I shared with a few people as well, but I didn't have the success of some of the others. Partly because I didn't go in there with faith in the Lord's power to speak through me. I went in with dread and fear of "bothering people." I am challenged to be more bold and trust God more with witnessing opportunities.

One of the places I did feel the Lord use me was in a small church nestled in the heart of gang warfare. It was in one of the colonias that is known for it's roughness. I was asked to speak a few minutes to a group of young people about their friendships and sticking together as Christians where they lived. As I stood up to speak, God just gave me the words to say and even reminded me of an illustration or two from my own life. My Spanish was better than ever because God was helping me say the right words. It was amazing to see their faces and know I was connecting.

So there you have it. What God did in Guatemala, in me and through you. Thanks for praying and giving. Remember, you don't have to go to a foreign country to experience the same things or face the same challenges. Ask God where He wants to use you, then obey. The blessings will follow.

2006-05-27T02:57:00.000-07:00

Butterflies

My grandmother who just passed away used to collect butterfly stuff. She loved butterflies and her house is full of butterfly paraphenalia-crystal figurines, coffee mugs, pillows, pictures, etc, etc, etc. One time as a little girl, I picked up tiny clam shells at the beach and glued them to a block of unfinished wood in the shape of butterflies. That block has hung in the breakfast room for over 25 years. I like to think of myself a little like a butterfly. What is the big deal with butterflies?

Well, they are pretty, but that's not what I was thinking as far as myself. I was thinking more along the lines of what they do. Butterflies, unlike birds who build nests, tend to be a bit "flighty," never staying in one place very long. It's a good thing they don't because as they fly from flower to flower and plant to plant, they pick up and deposit seeds and pollen, allowing the flowers and plants to reproduce. Some people are like butterflies as we pick up knowledge and experience from one place and deposit it in another.

I am a school teacher, but I have never stayed in one school for more than 2 years. I like to move around. I grow that way and I get to impact more people that way. I am "flighty," but I like to think of it as being a good thing. Some teachers pour knowledge into their students like a mother bird feeding her babies. I like to plant the seeds of knowledge and let them grow, inticing them to learn more on their own. But don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking the birds; the world needs both birds and butterflies. Right?

*The picture at the top was painted by my Great Aunt Norma for my Me-Maw. It hangs in my bedroom.

2006-05-22T22:48:00.000-07:00

Sponges

I was chided recently for saying a friend of mine was a sponge. I meant it in the nicest way, of course, but I guess the others who heard the comment didn't understand what I meant. Some of us (perhaps not myself as much as I'd like), have a gift for soaking in the truths of God's Word being more apt to listen than to speak. I was truly complimenting my friend on her ability to do just that. I think we can all take a lesson from the sponge.

A sponge (not the sea creature, but the kitchen tool) is used to clean things, but it's defining characteristic is its ability to absorb liquid. If we think of ourselves as sponges, we will see that we all absorb whatever we expose ourselves to. As does my friend, God's Word should be the chief "liquid" we fill ourselves with. That way when squeezed, whether by the pressures of life and the world, or by allowing ourselves to be used in service, what will come out, but God's wisdom?

There are two dangers with being a sponge. The first, I've already hinted at. We have to be careful what we absorb. Now, I have to confess that I love country music, especially country love songs, but I refrain from absorbing too much of them because I've found that my thoughts turn inward as a single gal wanting to find that special someone like the songs describe. My ability to wait for God's best, my ability to sense and pray for or meet the needs of others, and most of all, my desire to serve and love Him above all else are all directly affected by how much I take in of this particular "liquid." Sappy chick flicks and even Christian romance novels can have some of the same effects, so I limit my diet of those as well. What I'm saying is, we have to be careful how much of these seemingly harmless things we take in. However purely they may present the love of a man and a woman and give us an example to follow in the future, we must be careful to not live in that future by soaking too much in the thoughts they inevitably bring to mind. Of course, I don't even need to mention those things that are obviously harmful to put in our minds, but for the sake of those who aren't tempted by the same "liquids" as I, there are plenty of things out there that we should avoid for the sake of keeping the sponges of our minds pure.

Secondly, the danger in being a sponge is never allowing yourself to be squeezed. A sponge that sits in a shallow dish of water for a long period of time will begin to mold and smell bad. There's a limit to how much a sponge can absorb before needing to release. That point is called saturation. The American church is full of saturated people, sitting in the dish of Bible teaching, but never putting themselves in God's hands to get squeezed. Sure, the pressures of life squeeze us some and we hope that the Word is saturating us at the time so that we will respond with wisdom, but I'm talking about being squeezed in service. There is so much work to be done, but so many of us are stinky saturated sponges unfit to be used because we have never been squeezed. I pray we will learn to give more thus making room for us to absorb more.

Be a sponge. Be careful what you fill yourself with. Take a good inventory of the things that fill your mind. Are they things you would want coming out of you when you get squeezed? Determine to fill yourself with God's wisdom through reading, studying and listening to God's Word. Then, ask God where He wants to squeeze you...do you need to volunteer to work with the youth or keep the nursery at church? Do you need to go on a mission trip or teach a Bible study? Maybe you should be mentoring a younger believer or working in an inner city mission church like the ones we will pair up with for Houston Project. Maybe you need to participate in an evangelistic training and outreach or visit the nursing home and bring some joy to the lonely. Maybe all of the above. It's a continuous cycle...being filled and squeezed. May you find the joy of being a sponge, filled and squeezed by God Himself.

2006-05-16T04:37:00.000-07:00

Monet

There's a line from the movie "Clueless" that has always stuck with me, but I never applied it to myself until today. It's at the part where the main character (Cher) has invited her protege (Ty) to a party and they are watching the snobby boy (Elton) who has rejected Ty dancing with a snobby girl (Amber) from school. Ty asks Cher, "Do you think Amber is pretty?" Cher's response is, "Naw, she's a full-on Monet." At Ty's confused look, Cher explains, "From far away, it's just fine, but up close, it's a big ole mess." For a supposedly ditzy blonde, that's a pretty deep analogy.

Here's where I am going with this. I think I may be a little like that...I think we may all be, but what we don't realize is that it's only at the middle range, when the viewer is a few feet away that they see the "big ole mess." I tend to keep people at a distance. I put up my velvet-covered musem barriers and say "you can only come this close." So, from far away, I look just fine, but then as people get close to me and see the big ole mess, they start to wonder what they were thinking wanting to get closer.

What I have failed to realize and by extension have failed to let people see, is that when you get past the velvet barrier and get really close, practically nose to the canvas, you see the mastery of the Monet. How in the world can someone take tiny splotches of color that seemingly have no distinction and make a bigger picture that is simply beautiful? Those splotches of color are beautiful in themselves. They are the individual experiences and elements of a person's life. They are the details that few people ever get close enough to see and each little splotch is worthy of individual celebration. But it takes getting past the barriers to see those for what they are. There are few people in our lives who can see both the big picture and the beautiful little splotches. Most we hold at arm's length where we're a "big ole mess." Sometimes people's ability to only see the "big ole mess" isn't our fault. Sometimes people stop at that point on their own accord and decide not to come any closer. That's when we feel rejection. That hurts.

Our Master is painting each of us as a beautiful person, perfectly placing splotch after splotch on our canvas until He has a beautiful picture that can not be explained, only appreciated. But, each of us is still a work in progress. We must do our part to take down the velvet barriers and let people past the "big ole mess" stage. But, we must also realize that if they don't want to come any closer, they will miss out on the beauty of the splotches, but then again, that is their own loss. Revel in the beauty God is making out of your life. Don't let the rejection of those who can't get past the velvet barriers keep you from recognizing the hand of the Master who is still at work on you. And if someone wants to get closer, let them. You never know, God could be using them as another splotch to complete your bigger picture. And you theirs.

2006-05-08T20:59:00.000-07:00

Blogging at Bedtime Part III

I just read the FCA devotional that comes to my inbox on a daily basis and today it happened to be about three things that allow us to stay at our best; they are Sleep, Eating (healthy) and Exercise. I see the writer's point...all three of these activities are important for keeping us in shape, mentally, physically, emotionally and even spiritually. Ironically, I am deficient in all of them! I know I don't get enough sleep and while I try to eat fairly healthy, I still have some poor eating habits. And as far as exercise, well...um...I mean I want to make time for it, but I guess I don't want to enough or I would. We all make time for those things that are true priorities. So, now I'm convicted. I know I need to make improvements in these three areas, so I'm calling all my friends, bloggers and lurkers alike, to help keep me accountable. I may fuss at you if you ask me about them, but don't take it personally! In three weeks summer vacation begins and I know I will be able to sleep a lot better than I do now, but I also know that I tend to not eat as healthy in the summer because I get bored sitting at home and then I raid the kitchen...not good! I will have more time to devote to excercise, but the question is, will I do it? We shall see. I'm going to pray that I will begin to build a better balance in my life in these three areas.

Ok, so now I better go so I can get some sleep and get up in time to make a nice healthy lunch and actually eat some breakfast and then possibly do a little excercise!

2006-04-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

Priceless

There's a billboard on Hwy 6 for a car dealership that reads, "A great deal is a deal you feel great about." The owner is declaring that the value of his vehicles is the price people feel good paying for them. Of course, we all love to find great deals. I was excited to find my car on the Saturn website because it had all the features I wanted and more that I hadn't even thought of, and because it was previously owned and had about 45,000 miles on it, I got it for half the price of a new car with the same features. It had obviously been very well cared for and was in great shape! I felt it was a great deal! Now, the value of the car was more than just what I payed for it...it represented reliable transportation and was meeting a need.

Think of the Master Card commercials which list the price for various things until they get to something that doesn't have a specific price...this thing they declare as "priceless."

As people, we struggle with determining our own value. We look for a sense of worth from a variety of sources such as the acceptance, approval and affections of other people, our ability to perform a task, our intellectual skills or how much money we have in the bank. The problem with basing our worth on these things is that they are all subjective (based on other people's whims) or at least subject to change. People are fickle, fragile and fallible. Circumstances can change and our supposed value could go flying out the window. We can't depend on our appearance, our finances, our abilities or our accomplishments to determine our worth. So, where does our value come from?

Value is defined as:

1) An amount, as of goods, services, or money, considered to be a fair and suitable equivalent for something else; a fair price or return.

-The Bible says, "...you are not your own, you were bought at a price..." (I Cor. 6:19b-20a). What is that price? Jesus' own blood. We are worth so much to God that He actually became a man and died in our place to buy us back from the Enemy! A fair price? According to our Creator...we are worth it!

2) Worth in usefulness or importance to the possessor; utility or merit [as in] the value of an education.

-Again, the Bible tells us that we are precious in His sight. This value is one of usefulness and importance to the God who made us, loves us and provides for us. We are a source of great joy to Him.

So, we never need to worry if we are valuable. We never need to question our worth. When you start to think you aren't good enough or smart enough or not enough people like you...remember you are supremely valuable. You are worth dying for. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

You are priceless.

2006-04-16T13:59:00.000-07:00

Peter Knows Best

I woke up this Easter morning thinking about Easter Sunday sermons. See, my grandmother (Me-Maw, as we all call her) is in hospice care with not much time remaining on this Earth and I was wishing she could attend church with us or at least have a service for today, most likely her last Easter. I got to thinking about what I would want preached in that sermon, and immediately I thought about the Apostle Peter.

It seems to me that no one on this earth knew Jesus as well as Peter did. Peter is one of the first disciples Jesus called. Jesus spent time at Peter's house when in Galilee (Matthew 8:14 and 17:25). He was the one who spoke up all the time with poignant statements and bold confessions. He was known for his passion. Here are just a few examples:

1) When Jesus walked on the water, Peter was the only one who had the faith to step out of the boat with Him.
2) Peter's the one who confessed that Jesus was the Christ.
3) Peter got to see Jesus transfigured and heard audibly the voice of God telling who Jesus was and to listen to Him. Peter speaks up and says they should build tabernacles for Jesus, Moses and Elijah who had also appeared.
4) Peter says the disciples had forsaken everything to follow Jesus.
5) When Jesus asked the disciples if they wanted to leave because His teachings were strange, Peter pipes up and says, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."
6) At the Last Supper, Peter at first doesn't let Jesus wash his feet, then when Jesus explains, he wants Him to wash his head and hands as well.
7) Peter declared he will follow Christ anywhere, even to death.
8) Peter cuts off the soldier's ear when they come to arrest Jesus.
9) Just as emphatically, he denies any knowledge of Jesus as soon as things get scary at Jesus' trial.
10) Peter declares his love for the resurrected Jesus when the Lord appears to them on the beach.

Ok, that's not all, but that's enough for now. I went to the trouble to list all of the above to give you some perspective on the author of the following passage:

1 Peter 1:3-8
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

You see, Peter KNEW Jesus. He had experienced that mercy and KNEW it to be great. He had witnessed the death and resurrection of Christ and was fully aware of where His Lord was at that moment. He KNEW that Heaven awaited him. Because of this assurance, he could write these words of reassurance to the believers. He himself had gone through the trials and KNEW that they were the means to increased and refined faith, the faith that allows God's power to shield you from the Enemy and preserve you for Heaven. He didn't just wish or dream, he KNEW! And because he KNEW, he had hope. Not uncertain wondering, but real, living hope, the kind of hope that looks forward to a better future despite the pain of the present. Because he KNEW the Lord personally and KNEW the love that sent Him to the cross, he could assure them that even though they couldn't see Him they could love Him. Finally, this Peter who KNEW Jesus, KNEW that the refined faith, the living hope and the blind love were the source of "an inexpressible and glorious joy."

No matter what you're going through. No matter how imminent your death. No matter how bad things may seem. This life is not all there is. Peter wanted us to know this. And Peter knew best.

2006-04-09T06:08:00.000-07:00

Waiting
On
WOW

WOW is an expression of amazement, wonder and surprise. Like many words in the English language, it gets overused and loses meaning, but I want to redeem it a little. WOW is that moment when you realize something that has previously escaped your notice or that catches you so off guard that you are stopped in your tracks and have no other word to use but WOW!

Isaiah had a WOW moment in Isaiah 6. He actually saw God and lived to tell about it. Isaac had one when he saw Rebekah for the first time. Peter, James and John had many as they walked with Jesus. These guys were actually WALKING with GOD around their own country, their hometown and watching Him heal the sick, calm storms, walk on water, be transfigured, raise the dead, feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish. WOW!

I think we fail to realize that that is the same God we know and worship. If we have recognized our sin and turned over our lives to Him, WOW has come to us. Why do we so often settle for less? A great missionary, William Carey once said, "Expect great things from God. Attempt great things for God." His life was amazing and he saw God do amazing things in and through him. But we don't have to go to India to see God do great things, nor to be used of God to do great things.

I want to challenge us to wait for WOW. We must pray for it, expect it and go for it with God. Never settle for less than WOW in your life.

Perhaps you're in a dead end job and just getting out of bed to go to work everyday is a chore. Perhaps you're single and you doubt what they say about there being "someone out there" for you. Perhaps you're stuck in some rut and there seems to be no light at the end of your long, dark tunnel. Whatever your situation, God wants to WOW you with His power through it. This will require faith on your part. WOW can't be forced, manipulated or mustered up. God is the owner and purveyor of WOW. If God doesn't do it, it's not WOW.

Pray for God to work out your situation and then wait and watch for His answer. Don't settle for mediocre when you can have WOW. Don't even settle for good when you can have WOW. Wait on God. Wait On WOW.

2006-04-03T04:27:00.000-07:00

Disappointment

Life throws us curves all the time. People get sick or even die. Relationships fail. Friends betray you or let you down. Injuries happen. Stuff breaks. Your team loses the big game. Jobs, promotions and raises go to other people. Conflicts arise and tough decisions have to be made.

Disappointment happens because we live in a fallen world where sin is rampant and every one of us has been the guilty party as well as the innocent victim. When stuff happens that hurts or that disappoints us, we have a choice of how to react. You see, disappointment is not sin. Being hurt is not sin. Sin connected to disappointment happens when you try to resolve the problem yourself. You may do this with anger, lashing out at the one who hurt you or worse, someone innocent who wasn't even involved. Or you may retreat within yourself, get depressed and refuse to allow healing to begin. You may whine and complain and throw a royal pity party. You may beat yourself up thinking the disappointment was somehow your fault and you could have done something to stop it from happening. Or, you may choose to give it to God and let Him take the pain upon Himself and heal you.

This final option, which of course is the right one, is very difficult. It requires letting go and surrendering your will and your desires to Someone else. The beautiful thing about surrender is that it opens the door for blessing. God hates pain. He hates sin. He loves us and like a parent that never wants to see his child scrape a knee or get made fun of at school, He is very protective of us. But life still happens and He allows it because so often the pain will bring us right into His arms. He wants to be the Comforter and the Healer. God could stop sin and one day He will, but in His love for us, He gave us the ability to choose to love or reject Him, to obey or disobey Him. He wants us to choose Him and disappointment is the result of people not choosing to love and obey God.

So, right now, if things are painful in your life. If you've been hurt or a disappointment has come your way, give it to the Father who loves you and who wants to make it all better. It may take time, but pray about it and thank Him for all the blessings you can think of, then the peace of God will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus. Jesus said "My Peace I leave with you; peace I give to you. I do not give it to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" (John 14:27). Again, he says "I have told you these things so that in me, you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world (John 16:33)." We can trust that Jesus' death and resurrection will set everything right. We can trust that even though people will let us down in this life, God will never let us down. We can trust that even if our future looks bleak and our present is painful, there is a God who wants to hold us and who has something in store for us that is greater than we can imagine. The blessing in disguise that comes with disappointment is that when things finally do get right and you come out on the other side of it, you are stronger and you appreciate the joys in life that much more because you have felt the pains and known the heartaches.

Give it to God. Pray for peace. Wait for healing. It will come.

2006-04-02T06:32:00.000-07:00

Procrastination

On the floor of my room, piles of Spanish projects collected over the last two weeks are awaiting my attention. So far, I have made a small dent in the work, but there is so much more to be done. And what did I do yesterday? I read a book, washed dishes, played softball, visited with family...basically everything but grade these papers. How hypocritical of me that I get on to my students for not turning in their work on time when I can't get it back to them in a reasonable amount of time. Oh, I'll get it done. I always do, but I'll have to sacrifice some sleep time and will probably end up not doing as good a job of giving them feedback as I would have if I had really sat down and applied myself to the task this weekend.

So, why do we procrastinate? Am I alone in this habit? Is it a maturity thing? A personality thing? A sin? What do you think?

2006-03-29T22:02:00.000-08:00

Blogging at Bedtime Part II

I had to throw my two cents in about the fight over Kirk Phifer, henceforth ever to be known as ULM (Ultimate Ladies' Man). See below for more on this topic. Aside from that, I actually had some deep thoughts and quandries for the blogworld.

Tonight in Deeper (AKA Dive Hometeam), we discussed the "blip" on the radar screen of eternity that is our life. We talked about how to cultivate an eternal perspective while still living daily life with all its troubles. I think the deep and thoughtful members of our little group came up with some wonderful thoughts. At the end, our fearless leader, Chip (AKA The Gambler), read some questions about Heaven, which we did not have time to discuss and proceeded to assign us homework to answer them. Since this is not for a grade, I'd like a little help with my homework...so I'm going to extend this assignment to all you bloggers, commentators and lurkers (even though the last group won't answer because they only lurk).

So, here are the questions:

How different do you think Heaven will be from Earth?
Will there be cars, buildings, relationships, technology?
What about nature? Plants, animals, oceans, mountains?
What Scriptures do we have that back up or inform us about Heaven?

Can't wait to hear what y'all come up with!

2006-03-29T21:55:00.000-08:00

The Ladies' Man
Some of my girl friends have been fighting over my good friend Kirk. I am wondering if I should choose sides, discourage the fight or jump in and try to win the man myself. I'm thinking it might have to be the latter. After all, Kirk is, by all reports, the ultimate ladies' man. Hmmm... Check out the fight and tell me what you think.

Lackadaisical'>http://1cor1558.blogspot.com/2006/03/bring-it-on.html#links">Lackadaisical

http://flaminlarry.blogspot.com/2006/03/girl-fight.html

http://fairygodseester.blogspot.com/

http://fairygodseester.blogspot.com/2006/03/kirk-phifer-smooth-operator.html

2006-03-27T17:36:00.000-08:00

Dive Class at Hunt Retreat

Thanks to Brian Wilson's birthday, we took advantage of the opportunity for some cake and ice cream. Yummy!

Lee, Jonathan and Chip

2006-03-26T20:42:00.000-08:00

Blogging at bedtime

Ok, so I got online to check my e-mail and found a comment had been posted to my entry with the picture of my cousin's baby. I had not realized how much I had hoped for more comments on my blogs, especially those soul searching and gut checking ones...geez, another thing to affect my sense of self-worth! Regardless, the comment led me to the blog of the commentator, Jessica, which in turn led me to other blogs...you know how it goes, and suddenly I look up and it's past my bedtime! Ugh! I need some sleep...yet I had to post another blog just for the sake of posting. I noticed in my lurking, reading and occasional commenting, that many posts are simple "here's what happened to me today" posts and really don't have to be deep and meaningful. I'm still learning, folks. All that to say, here's my first "meaningless" post. If you don't like it, that's ok because I'm not expecting comments on this one. In fact, I've decided that just like the outcome of sporting events, I must choose not to base my sense of self-worth on whether or not people read and comment on my blog entries. That's a topic for a future post, though, and I'm simply too tired after the Dive retreat to go there. Goodnight, blogworld.

2006-03-19T15:04:00.000-08:00

My cousins' baby, Bruce, is so adorable! Check out their blog to see more pics.

http://www.tbsatwood.blogspot.com

2006-03-16T13:09:00.000-08:00

The Relinquished Life

*I'm starting to sense a pattern in what the Lord is trying to hammer home with me in the last few days and weeks. Here is the devotional that "just happened to be" lying open on the desk at a friend's house this week.

"I am crucified with Christ." Gal. 2:20
No one is ever united with Jesus Christ until he is willing to relinquish not sin only, but his whole way of looking at things. To be born from above of the Spirit of God means that we must let go before we lay hold, and in the first stages it is the relinquishing of all pretence. What Our Lord wants us to present to Him is not goodness, nor honesty, nor endeavour, but real solid sin; that is all He can take from us. And what does He give in exchange for our sin? Real solid righteousness. But we must reliquish all pretence of being anything, all claim of being worthy of God's consideration.
Then the Spirit of God will show us what further there is to relinquish. There will have to be the reliquinshing of my claim to my right to myself in every phase. Am I willing to reliquish my hold on all I possess, my hold on my affections, and on everything, and to be identified with the death of Jesus Christ?
There is always a sharp painful disillusionment to go through before we do relinquish. When a man really sees himself as the Lord sees him, it is not the abominable sins of the flesh that shock him, but the awful nature of the pride of his own heart against Jesus Christ. When he sees himself in the light of the Lord, the shame and the horror and the desperate conviction come home. If you are up against the question of relinquishing, go through the crisis, relinquish all, and God will make you fit for all that He requires of you.

by Oswald Chambers
From: My Utmost For His Highest
March 8th

Lord, Surrender is a scary thing. Sacrifice does not come easy. Please help us to be like Abraham, who knew that giving up Isaac was the only way to live in obedience to you and was so confident in your goodness and provision that he knew you were going to either raise him from the dead or perform some sort of miracle to make things right. May we anticipate the miracles our obedience will allow you to perform in our surrendered lives and may we wholeheartedly welcome opportunities for sacrifice that demonstrate your power, provision and goodness. Amen.

2006-03-13T12:41:00.000-08:00

Do you want to get well?

This is an excerpt from the FCA devotional I read for today. It seems to go along well with my last post and like my friend Erin Bayles and her Joyce Meyer desktop devotional calendar, it goes along perfectly with what I have been dealing with in my life lately.

Why would Jesus ask a man who had been paralyzed for 38 years if he wants to get well? You would think it would be a no-brainer. But Jesus wants to know if the man has faith that He can make him well and if he has the will or desire to get well. Also, Jesus often deals in the spiritual realm, rather than merely the physical, so it wasn't just about his body being healed, but his soul as well.

When it comes to spiritual matters this is often the way it is in life; people just really don't want to get well. We say we want to, but we make excuses just like the paralyzed man (John 5:7) about why we are still in the same condition. Until we truly want to get well, and until we realize that Jesus is the only One who can heal us, we will continue life in our sickness.

God wants a relationship with you today. Do you want Him? Really?

2006-03-10T04:11:00.000-08:00

Resisting God

Why do we fight and struggle against the very One who made us and the only One who really and truly wants our best? Why do we resist His working in our lives? I think deep down it is a power struggle. We want control of our own lives, our own destinies. It's been said that "surrender is the highest act of the will." We have no greater battle in life than the battle with self. We resist God because in our human, finite minds, we think we know better for us than He does. We think we can do a better job running our lives than He can. We think we can get what we want on our own and we fear if we surrender we will have to wait or settle for something other than our hearts' desire. What we fail to realize is that God's best for us is so much better than what our hearts can even imagine. So, we go on holding on to our dreams and desires instead of letting God take them, and not shatter them, but mold them to fit His will for us. Not all desires are bad. Desire is not the sin. The sin comes when rather than surrendering that desire to God, we seek to fulfill it ourselves. What we end up with is a cheap imitation of what we really wanted and a broken heart about the fact that it fails to satisfy. Resisting God's best for us will never bring about the joy and fulfillment that can be ours by surrendering to His will. The bottom line is that lack of surrender is sin. Sin will steal your joy.
While we are talking about sin, this is another area where we resist God's working in our lives. We have the Scriptures and they are clear about what sin is and what actions in our lives qualify as sin. So, why do we continue to succomb to sin? I think the answer is fear. We are afraid that we must change on our own and we know from experience that we will fail in the attempt. What we don't realize is that getting rid of sin in our lives is God's job. He wants to give us clean hands and pure hearts, but we simply don't let Him. No one can forgive and transform a life but God. Surrendering our wills to Him allows him to do that. We think repentance is a long process where we have to continually battle our sin and fall on our faces over and over in the effort to change our behaviors. Repent simply means to turn around. There's not even any forward progress in the motion. It is just a spin, a 180. All we have to do is turn our hearts to God and set our sins at His feet. Let Him have them. He will fix us Himself. Every person who has tried to help himself has failed. Every person who has thrown up his hands and said "I can't do it myself" has found the joy and peace of God stepping in and saying, "Finally. Let me do it for you."
We resist God because we don't trust God. We don't trust God because we don't really know God. We don't really know God because we don't take the time to get to know Him. So, the key to learning the art of surrender is getting to know God. Invest in your relationship with God. Give Him the opportunity to prove His love for you and His power over your sin. At the end of the day, He will do a much better job of running your life than you could.

2006-03-08T14:23:00.000-08:00

Weak or Strong?

I know there are verses in the Bible about being strong (Deut. 31:6; I Kings 2:2; Joshua 1:6, 7, 9) and there are verses about being weak and allowing God to be strong through us (II Corinthians 12:9-10). Sometimes I feel like I have no strength when I'm supposed to be strong and when I am supposed to be letting God work though my weakness, that's when I think I'm strong enough to handle things myself. I have so much going on in my life and I try to handle everything. I try to make decisions based on knowledge or previous experience rather than letting God have my struggles and work them out for me. I want to do it myself, like a little child just learning to get dressed or make a sandwich. I don't want help, but I have my pants on backwards and there's jelly all over the counter. On the other hand, there are times when I know I have to be strong. I know God has given me a challenge and He intends for me to meet it head on. But what do I do? I cower in fear and take the easy way out. I don't face my fears. Then again, isn't this weakness something God wants to be strong in also? He's not going to give me a challenge that He won't be there to uphold me through. I know deep down that rather than just telling us to be bold and corageous, God has empowered us to be so. I may face some really tough things in life. In fact, Christ told us we would have troubles in this world, but we are to take heart because He has already overcome the world. I don't have to have all the answers and I don't have to be the strongest person in the world. I just have to lean on and trust my Savior who loved me enough to die for me. I have to give Him my struggles and my fears and let Him make things work together for my good. I know these things. Why don't I live like I believe them?

2006-01-29T06:57:00.000-08:00

Seeking God's Will for Your Life...
So many of us claim to be doing just that. We say we want God's will for us, no matter what the cost. Is that really true? I mean does that statement bear out in our daily decisions and lifestyle? I'm wondering that for myself. I know somewhere deep down, I want to please God and glorify Him with my life, but on the day-to-day, what am I really doing to that end? Perhaps I being too hard on myself? Perhaps I'm being too easy. At the end of the day, what we do reflects what we truly believe.

If we believe that God is good, we will surrender our hearts, our possessions and our time to Him knowing He is going to make it all work together for our good. If we don't truly believe He is good, we will try to keep running our own lives, making tons of mistakes along the way and potentially doing some major damage.

If we believe God loves us, we can surrender our relationships, our self-image and our view of others to Him. A person who knows they are loved behaves drastically differently from a person who thinks they are unloved or doesn't know they are loved. The Bible says that we love because God first loved us. We are able to understand and feel the love of others and reach out and give love to others when we know we are loved by God. If we don't believe God loves us, we may try to earn His love with empty works or with a check list for life. We may become bitter about hard times or even little things that would normally not affect the secure believer. We will see ourselves as unworthy scum that no one can love and is not able to love others right. And we'll feel badly about the latter, but be powerless to change it.

If we believe that God is all powerful, we will be able to hand over the reins and allow Him to drive the daily as well as the big decisions we make. We will pray more for others and trust in the outcome of those prayers. If we don't believe in His power, we will not surrender our lives to Him because we will feel we need to maintain control. We will live by the philosophy that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. We won't let others in and give them opportunities to serve and grace to grow and make mistakes.

If we believe God is Holy, we will seek to be holy ourselves. We will cringe and the thought of sin. We will be offended by the things He is offended by. We will know how to handle different convictions on the part of others, not becoming tainted by them, and at the same time, not judgemental of them. If we don't believe in the holiness of God, the world will stain and spot us with it's filth in the name of entertainment or fun. We will fail to please Him with our personal lives and begin to rationalize the injunctions of Scripture saying they are outdated or culturally bound.

Back to the title. Seeking God's will for your life means seeking to know and believe the truth about God and allowing it to change who you are and in turn, what you do. God's will for your life is all over Scripture. He wants us to be holy, pure, empowered and effective for Him. Bottom line: God's will is that you glorify Him in every thought and action by understanding who He is and letting that guide your thoughts and actions so that people see Him, not you.

2006-01-13T23:10:00.000-08:00

Disillusionment

In college, we had a Christian illusionist come do a show on campus. He made a point to tell us that the tricks he did were not "magic." They were simply his developed skills at fooling our eyes and hence our minds. Also in college, our pastor preached a sermon I'll never forget. He was talking about the reasons we struggle in the Christian life. The main reason, he said, is that we believe error instead of truth. In short, we are deluded, illusioned, tricked by our own desire to be in control or by the Enemy's desire to steal, kill and destroy us. Illusion is not a good thing. Basing our lives on false beliefs about ourselves or the world around us is not only dangerous, it can be life-threatening.

Disillusionment, by definition, is "freeing from false belief or illusions." Only, we tend to think of it more as disappointment, making it to our confused minds, a bad thing, rather than a good one. I venture to say, we should pray daily for disillusionment. There is a Christian author I like named Grace Livingston Hill. She's written over 100 short romance novels. In one of the first I read, there was a mother praying for disillusionment for her daughter about the man she was dating. When I read that, something clicked in my head. I finally got the fact that disillusionment is so very important and vital to our faith. Who wants to walk around believing falsehood his or her whole life? I guess some people do.

Remember in the Matrix when Neo is given the choice to take the red pill or the blue pill? I can't remember which was which, but one would let him forget he'd ever met Morpheus and go on living in his illusionary world created by the Matrix. The other would open his eyes to the real world, ugly though it was, but would also give him the opportunity to do something about that ugliness. We all know which one he chose. But remember the traitor? There was a guy on the Nebuchadnezzar with Neo and Morpheus who, though he'd taken the disillusionment pill, prefered the illusion to the truth and was willing to give up the fight for truth in order to go back to his illusionary world. How dangerous that was for all involved. How dangerous is it for us to do the same?

Forgive my continual movie references, but I'm also reminded of The Truman Show where Truman, played by Jim Carey, has been raised on an elaborate television set created around him to broadcast his entire life to the world. He has no idea that he is not living in the real world. He thinks the people and things around him are it. Until one day things stop making sense and he realizes that something is very wrong. In his quest for the truth, he makes the ultimate discovery that there is more out there and that he has been a prisoner all this time, confined to the bubble the producer had made as his world.

Let's not accept things at face value and believe what we hear on television or what we see in magazines. Let's read our Bibles prayerfully, asking God to open our eyes to the falsehoods we've been operating under. Let's ask Him to show us things in our lives that are deluding us and keeping us from knowing and operating under the Truth. Let's pray for disillusionment. Sure, there might be disappointment along with it, as we realize that we have been duped all this time. Sure, we might struggle with the ongoing battle to allow the renewing of our minds to transform our lives and behavior. But, Jesus promised that if we were really His disciples, then we would know the Truth and the Truth would set us free.

2005-12-20T18:29:00.000-08:00

sometimes sage, sometimes silly

What do I mean by that? Well, I was talking to a good friend just now on the phone and the meaning of my blog title came out of my mouth without me even realizing it.

Rewind: We were conversing on the matter of grace and the fact that everything we receive, everything we are is a matter of God's grace. I was explaining the huge leap I made in my quest for self-worth when I found the verse in Romans 9 (cf Isaiah 29) saying the pot had no business asking the Potter why He made you this way. I realized that I had no right to question God about my appearance or anything else about how I was made. I came to terms with the fact that everything about me was how God had intended it and no matter how I perceived "me," God was pleased with what He had made. However, my friend and I also talked about the world's idea of beauty and worth versus God's idea, because honestly, there are people who have not even a semblance of earthly beauty or zero social, intellectual or technical skills and it seems like God has abandonded them or failed them in some way. It seems to me that all ugliness and ineptitude is a result of the fall. I'm thinking if there had never been sin, the perfection of Adam and Eve would be all that was known. Maybe I'm totally off base, but who knows? Maybe I'm just silly.

So, we come to the moment that hit me..."sometimes sage, sometimes silly" is humans with finite minds attempting to understand and explain the Infinite. We don't know anything that God hasn't revealed to us. When we speak from that revelation, our words are sage, wise, true. But when we speak from our own understanding and attempt to sound sage, we are nothing but silly. Paul encourages us in Colossians to teach and admonish one another with all wisdom as he says he and his fellow missionaries did with the power God worked through them. He warns us not to be deceived by clever-sounding, though worldly philosophies.

But, that's not all. I do want to be sage. I want to speak about God and the meaning of life with the wisdom of the revelation we have in Scripture. I also believe, though, that there are times when we don't have to be so dadgum serious and it's ok to just be silly. So, there you have it...that's me...Sometimes sage, sometimes silly.

2005-11-20T14:48:00.000-08:00

Crushes...

"Never settle" is a great motto and I do my best to live by that, but that doesn't stop me from those inevitable and sometimes annoying little things that come to most of us single people called crushes. See, I belong to a wonderful church where some of God's most humble and sincere (and surprisingly single) servants also choose to worship. That puts me in a difficult position. While I know that God has me single at this time of my life for His glory, I can't help but notice the people around me and think, "hey, he would make a great ministry partner" or "what would it be like to share the rest of my life with him?"

On the one hand, I believe that my crushes have usually been on the right type of guy, the type God would want me to hold out for. But on the other hand, I wonder if the crushes are in themselves displeasing to Him because they do take up thought time and emotional energy, not to mention doing a number on my sense of contentment in Christ. Also, along those lines, crushes tend to bring out the flirt in me and I'm almost certain that doesn't glorify God. Almost. So, I put the question out to the blogworld.

What are we to do with crushes? What I do is pray a lot. I confess to God that I want Him to be number one in my life and that I trust His sovereignty over my life. I ask Him for a real sense of His love for me that will remind me that not only is He in control, but He's working all things together for my good. I pray for strength and wisdom to handle myself in an appropriate and godly manner around said crush-ees. And finally, I pray for Him to "move or move me." (Thanks FFH for those words.) Feedback?

2005-09-10T09:59:00.000-07:00

The Problem of Pain

Do you think if Adam and Eve had never sinned, that the human race would know what pain was? Of course, we know that sin would have entered the world eventually because we were given a free will and somewhere down the road that will would have chosen poorly. But supposing it hadn't, supposing sin had never entered the world, would there be pain? In other words, is pain a result or a byproduct of sin? At first thought, I would say of course it is. Look at the curses God meted out to the original sinners. To Adam, hard work, an unforgiving earth full of throns and tough soil, as Genesis 3:17-19 says, "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life...By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food..." To Eve, the physical pain of childbearing coupled with the emotional pain of longing for a husband and having him rule over her. But then if you look more closely at the curse given to Eve in Genesis 3:16, God says, "I will greatly increase your pain in childbearing." The Hebrew word for increase, rabah, means multiply or make great. So, that makes me wonder, was pain already there or at least the potential of it without sin, before sin?

What do you think?

2005-08-13T10:09:00.000-07:00

Never Settle...

This has been my byline for a long time. I plan to stick to it, though it has been difficult at times to wait on God's best. Recently, an anonymous female from church wrote a semi-cynical, semi-lighthearted poem about the fact that the single men in our church don't ask girls out very much. The poem was posted on another girl's blog site...this sparked a bit of conversation, both on and off the web, and it got me to thinking...not that it takes much to get me to thinking, but thinking coherently is quite a different thing from just plain thinking. I'm hoping this is the coherent kind.

My thoughts:
Single people are single for a reason. The reasons vary from fear of committment to social ineptitude to the plain and simple fact that it just isn't God's timing for them to be married. I think this last reason is the most overspoken and underbelieved reason of all. It's right up there with "do not be anxious about anything..." See, we singles can spout faith-filled sentiments saying, "God is in control" or "I know He has somebody for me somewhere" but then, we go off and try to make things happen on our own or we pine, whine and worry about our lack of a dating life. Do we really believe God is in control and that He has someone "out there" for us if we are constantly talking about our singleness? Maybe we are using tunnel vision and seeing only marriage as the end-all, be-all of existence, when truthfully, there are limitless callings in life that are just as viable and believe it or not, fulfilling, as marriage. A lot of us who whine (and I'm including myself, because I've done my share) probably will get married eventually, but what are we doing with our singleness and do we have the mentality that even if we never do marry, we can live an adventurous, victorious and God-glorifying life as a single person? Are we willing for God to call us to singleness?

Never settle...I've always thought of that injuction only in terms of who I'd be willing to end up with. But, it's bigger than that. Never settle for less than God's best whether that be marriage or singleness, a desk job in the city or a remote mission field assignment, teaching or ministry, in my case.
I've learned that "Never Settle" is not an excuse to close my mind to what I think I don't want. It's a command to be open to what God wants.