I Don't Remember a Thing...

You know it's funny...almost every time I tell someone I'm a Spanish teacher, they give me some form of the expression, "yeah, I took two years of Spanish in high school and I don't remember a thing."

Now, I could take that as a devaluation of my existence as a Spanish teacher, but then I remember Mr. Mahan, my 10th grade Geometry teacher. I remember very little of what he taught me. I couldn't tutor someone in the subject and I definitely couldn't teach it or use it as a career foundation, but there's something else Mr. Mahan did that I'll never forget...he valued me as a person. When I tore all the ligaments in my ankle the night before his final exam, I got up and went to school anyway, so I wouldn't let him down. I fell asleep in the middle of the exam (Codine will do that to ya') and he had the school call my mom to come pick me up. He told me not to worry about the test...I could make it up later. I don't remember Geometry, but I remember him. That's why I teach...not to make kids bilingual, but to make them better people.

I also remember Mrs. Kotis and Mrs. Christman. Now, these two teachers didn't value me as a person. They chose favorites and I wasn't one of them, and I knew it...they made sure I knew it. Maybe not intentionally or consciously, but with their snide comments and negative treatment, I felt their disfavor. That's why I teach...to make sure there's someone out there counteracting the Mrs. Kotises and the Mrs. Christmans. I pray I never make a kid feel the way those two women made me feel.

It doesn't matter if my students ever use their Spanish outside of class or if they remember anything I taught them when they get to be 20 or 30 years old. What matters is if they remember that Miss Turner valued them as a person, so maybe, just maybe it's ok to value themselves. That's why I teach.

Losing Your Appetite

I was watching a cheesy chick flick called Raising Helen (wonderful way to spend a lame Friday night alone) and it hit me that the big churchy word sanctification is really just about losing your appetite. Before you go, "huh? Karla's lost it," let me attempt to explain.

The movie is about a beautiful, young, successful New Yorker named Helen who is the top assistant to the owner of a premiere modeling agency. She has everything going for her until her sister and brother-in-law die and leave her with three kids ages 5-15 to raise. At the risk of ruining the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it, things don't go so well and Helen ends up giving the kids over to her other sister and attempts to go back to her old lifestyle. But something has happened to her. She has lost her appetite for the clubs and parties and fancy things that used to define her life. She's discovered how much being a "mom" means and how important those kids are to her. While they were with her, she met a Lutheran pastor (the kids' principal) who helped her see that life's not all about her, not just about fashion and fun.

Of course, the movie isn't evangelistic, but it does give a good picture of what happens to a person when they die to self. When we become Christians, we are accepting the headship of Christ over our lives so that we no longer live for ourselves. And as we grow closer to Him, in relationship to Christ, we lose our appetite for sin.

The apostle John put it this way in 1 John 3:6, "No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him." What I think John is saying is that if you don't start to lose your appetite for sin, then you probably don't have a good relationship with Christ because knowing Him will change your desires. Sure, it takes time and some people really struggle with surrender, but eventually, you look back and say "wow, those things I used to enjoy so much don't seem fun anymore." The closer you are to Christ, the more you find joy in the things that bring Him pleasure and glory. You realize that the world's idea of "fun" is really empty and meaningless...a chasing after the wind.

So, think about it. Are you losing your appetite for the things of the world? Do vapid songs, movies and tv shows leave you unsatisfied? Are you less and less inclined to invest your time in things that are temporary and more inclined to spend it on things that are eternal? If not, think about where you are with God. Listen to what Paul says to the church in Corinth, "Brothers, I could not addess you as spiritual, but as worldly, mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed you are still not ready. You are still worldly" (1 Cor. 3:1-3). Isn't that sad? Don't let that be you. Beg for new cravings. Beg to lose your appetite.

Bring It On!

It's that time again...school. My district starts pretty late compared to the school districts around us, but not as late as other parts of the country... they won't be going back for another week or two.

I'm not ready. Mentally-I'm getting there. Physically-I need to get back on track with my sleep schedule. Emotionally-kicking and screaming!! Spiritually...well, I told a teacher friend of mine at church today that I need a serious attitude check. This is a spiritual thing. God put me in the classroom for a reason. He wants me there...He wants to use me there. So, why am I so resistant to be there?

It sounds so spiritual and holy to say that I'd rather be on the mission field until I remind myself, I am on the mission field. America's public schools are as closed to the gospel as Eastern Europe before the fall of the Iron Curtain. Now, the consequences for breaking the law are very different (so far, no American teacher has had to suffer like the missionaries and martyrs who bring the gospel to Communist countries), but the enemy is definitely attempting to close the school doors to the gospel as Christian teachers are strictly warned not to "proselytize" in school or to use their position of authority as a platform for their faith.

So, what can I do as a Christian public school teacher? I can pray for my students. I can set a godly example for them. I can live my life in a way that makes them ask me what's different about me (if they ask, we're allowed to tell them). I can seek out Christian students and encourage them to share their faith because they're allowed to say things we aren't. I can sponsor a Christian club like Student Venture, FCA or Young Life, letting my students know that I am a Christian by my support of those organizations. I can be there for them.

This is bigger than me. It's bigger than any of us. This is a God-sized task, so thank God He's the One who's going to be doing the work...I just have to be willing to be used by Him.

So, tomorrow, when that bell rings and my new students come filing into my classroom, my mission begins anew. I may not want to go back to school, but I do want to glorify God with my life, so here's my chance. Bring it on!

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ... Pray that I may proclaim it clearly as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:2-6

Demoralization

Some of you girls out there may have already heard this if you've done the Beth Moore study "Believing God," but something she said in the video segment I watched online today hit me square between the eyes and I felt like I should share it with the readers and lurkers in BlogWorld. God, through Beth, gave me the 2x4 treatment today (you know, when God hits you upside the head with a 2x4 and it changes your life forever?). Here's what He said:

Demoralization is when the enemy figures out what you most fear that you are and sets about to confirm it.

When those words came out of Beth's mouth, I could feel God saying to me, "that's what you're letting happen to you. You fear you are a bad teacher, a lazy bum, an unlovable failure because you're still single...those are the lies Satan is convincing you are true, but they're not true. Here is what's true. You are mine. You are loved. You can do all things through Christ's strength in you. You have gifts and blessings that I have uniquely given you that I want to uniquely use to further my Kingdom."

How is Satan trying to demoralize you? What is it you most fear you are? Well, don't believe it.

Does that mean that there's not room for growth in those areas of my life and yours? Of course not. We all have room for growth and those things we fear most about ourselves are probably the areas where we need to grow most. But if we will give them to God and say, "I fear this about me, but I trust you with that fear and I'm yours," God will take that fear and give us the greatest victory in those very areas...and I venture to say, it will be so miraculous that you will not be able to explain it any other way than that it was the hand of God.

Don't let the enemy demoralize you. I imagine it's not any harder for you than it was for me to know immediately what I feared most I was. Give it to God. Then believe what God's Word says about you.

It's summed up in Ephesians 1:3-7.
v.3-you are BLESSED with every spiritual blessing
v.4-you are CHOSEN before the creation of the world
v.5-you are ADOPTED as His son (or daughter)
v.6-you are ACCEPTED as He freely gives us His glorious grace
v.7-you are REDEEMED through His blood
v.7-you are FORGIVEN of your sins and lavished with His grace.

Most importantly, verse 4 says that we were chosen in love. God chose you because He loves you...not because He just wants to reform you like some warden in a correctional facility. He wants to renew your mind, refresh your spirit, redeem your life, because He loves you.

You are LOVED.

Believe who God says you are, not who you fear you are.

If You're Not Sure...

Well, the big test is over. I had five hours to take a 70 question test, which of course only took and hour and a half, but I'm sure some people stayed to the bitter end. Not me! I was outta there as soon as I'd bubbled in #70 on my answer document.

Speaking of bubbling in answers, I was reading Page 1 in my test booklet, as instructed by the test administrator, which of course had all the mumbo jumbo about the test length, rules, instructions, etc. etc. The sample question was the first thing that took me by surprise. It read,

"What is the capital of Texas?"
a. Dallas
b. San Antonio
c. Austin
d. El Paso

Page 1 then proceeded to inform us of the correct answer and instuct us on how to bubble in the answer, complete with a picture in case we weren't sure. Mind you, this test is for teachers and future teachers of Gifted and Talented children. I'm sorry, but if we can't bubble answers by now, we have no business educating the future of America, much less the "gifted" future of America. The test itself was actually pretty tough, which further added to the irony of such explicit instructions.

If that weren't enough to amuse, amaze and sadden me, Page 1 then went on to explain that we should not leave any answers blank because we would "not be penalized for guessing." What? How in the world is that possible? The only way NOT to be penalized for guessing is to guess right. I guarantee you, if you guess wrong, you WILL be penalized. Duh! I think they just tell us that to keep us from leaving any answers blank, but come on people! Do we really fall for that?

Unfortunately, many people are falling for that lie daily...even Christians. We think if we're not sure about the truths of God's Word, it's ok to guess. Well guess what? It's NOT! Whole world religions, cults, false beliefs, etc. are based on the premise that it's ok to guess. If you're not sure, that's alright, God won't penalize you for guessing, as long as you're sincere about it. WRONG! If you guess wrong, you have everything to lose. That's a pretty big gamble with your eternity. Better hope you guess right.

The beauty of Christianity is that although it definitely calls for an element of faith, we have the Holy Spirit to grant us the assurance that we are not guessing. Jesus said, "if you hold to my teachings, you are really my disciples. Then you will KNOW the Truth and the Truth will make you free" (John 8:31-32). The same apostle who recorded those words of Jesus later writes a letter to some fellow believers encouraging them that they can KNOW that they have eternal life. He says, "And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may KNOW that you have eternal life" (I John 5:11-13).

We don't have to guess. We can KNOW. Now let's remember the words to the song we sang in Metro Thursday night. "All of life comes down to just one thing. That's to KNOW you, O Jesus, and to make you KNOWN." Anyone who doesn't KNOW will be penalized for guessing. Let's strive to eliminate the guesswork for them by making Him KNOWN by our words and actions.

What Happens if I Fail?

So, I was sitting in Starbucks yesterday studying for my big test on Saturday. I had just taken a break from the "Nature and Needs of Gifted and Talented Students" to catch up a little on my Bible study, "Believing God," when in walked a scantily clad woman who proceeded to the counter to order. She came and sat at the next table over, her top designed to show off her endowment/enhancement, whichever the case may be. I didn't think much of it, just contined studying the faith of Isaac and Joseph. A few moments later, Miss E/E was joined by a friend in much more modest workout attire.

They sat and talked and giggled a little. Suddenly, the thought crossed my mind, "those girls need Jesus." I shoved the thought back in my mind and continued my study which was asking me to apply the faith of our fathers to my own life there in the workbook. It took me a second to realize that the voice I had heard was not my own, but the Holy Spirit. I froze. My heart started beating faster and I sat there...I knew God wanted me to talk to them. The next thought was, "I do have some tracts in my bag." I tried to keep studying while praying, "God, if you want me to talk to them, open a door for conversation or something." What a faithless prayer! God obviously wanted me to talk to them! Why wouldn't He? These girls needed Jesus! And there I sat, with the Truth at my fingertips and even in my head...yes, I've been trained multiple times in evangelism. I know all the verses and even some extras that go with tough questions. So, why was I stuck there like a bump on a log hoarding the Truth to myself? I started praying for their souls, that God would speak to them and let them know their need for Him, but I was too scared to share it with them myself.

After about 10 minutes of agonizing over my fear of striking up a conversation with strangers, Miss E/E got up and left, accidentally bumping into a guy who had his back to her. He took the opportunity to watch her retreating form, much to the amusement of Miss Workout who was still sitting near me. I caught her eye and shared an amused smile...perfect door. But did I say anything? No, I was still praying for an "opening." Right away, Miss Workout got up and left. My heart sank. I had failed.

So, now what? I pray for forgiveness. I pray for another chance. I pray for the courage and boldness not to fail the next time. I keep praying for the souls of these two girls. I know God is bigger than my failures, but I missed out on the blessing of being used by Him...that's what happens when I fail. I could sit here and wallow in my failure and allow the enemy to convince me that I am totally unfit for Kingdom work. Instead of bemoaning my cowardice, however, I choose to remember the times I haven't shrunk back and God has used me (Heb 10:38). I go on in the strength of those victories remembering that I am not alone and that my struggle is not against flesh and blood...and I ask God to please redeem this situation by giving me an extra measure of boldness so that I will not fail again.

Will There be a Test Over This?

One of the most frustrating questions a teacher gets asked by students is "Will there be a test over this?" as if we were just telling them stuff for fun, not to actually educate them. My answer usually goes something like this, "No, I just thought y'all would be interested in conjugating irregular stem-changing verbs in the preterite, so I decided to put some up on the board for you" (I teach Spanish).

Despite my frustration with such questions, I've found myself doing the same thing to God. Have you ever noticed that when God wants to teach you something, you hear it over and over again from different sources in a short period of time? The pastor's sermon will be about that, then also the Sunday school lesson, then you'll read something on your own or a friend will call and say something similar. It's like "Ok, God, I'm listening!!"

But, then I'm always surprised when He puts what He's teaching me to the test. Lately He's been working on me in the areas of faith and contentment. No, actually, contentment isn't the right word. He wants me to have joy in the circumstances in which He's placed me and trust Him for everything. I've been learning how truly small my faith actually is. It's scary, in fact. Sunday school this week, my small group Bible study, a book I just read, several conversations with friends and this morning, an e-mail forward from Granddaddy have all been saying the same thing: "Trust Me."

Ok, God, I will trust you...but, will there be a test over this?