Reflection on 1 Peter 3:3-7

So, last night’s Bible study was about relationships. The text, 1 Peter 3:3-7 speaks to both women and men. It tells the women about true beauty and it’s source. It tells men how women should be treated. Here are my rambling thoughts on the subject.

Let me go backwards...as far as the man’s role in taking care of the woman, Peter is speaking specifically to husbands telling them to live intimately with their wives, knowing them deeply and treating them with honor and great caution as the precious and fragile vessel they are. Ok, so what about us women who have been forced to become independent because there is no man to treat us that way? We have to kill our own bugs, drive our own nails, fix our own leaky faucets, maintain our own vehicles, earn our own living, protect ourselves out in the world and most importantly, see to our own spiritual growth and maturity. These are things that a man is supposed to do for his wife. Obviously, he’s not supposed to do them because she can’t. I’ve been doing for myself for years. I don’t need a husband for those things, but I want one. I don’t particularly like killing my own bugs. I truly believe that the husband doing those things for a wife fulfills a deeper need in both the man and the woman. The man needs to feel needed, appreciated and wanted. He needs to be the strong protector, the decision-maker, the leader, the fixer of things. The woman also needs to feel needed, appreciated and wanted. She needs to have the security of a man’s strong protection, the peace in a man’s ability to make decisions for the family, the comfort of knowing her needs are taken care of and the cherished understanding that a man is going to do for her what Christ did for the Church—give his life up, present her as a radiant bride, without blemish or wrinkle, love her as his own body (Ephesians 5:25-31).

So, where does this leave us single women? I know not every woman is supposed to marry, some are called to singleness and therefore must depend on the Lord for the things mentioned above. But what about those of us who long for marriage, but it’s just not happened yet? We long for the man who will be our protector, spiritual leader, provider and lover. But, we’re stuck waiting. The church is full of women waiting for men to do their job. Many of us are still single because there hasn’t come along a man who can lead spiritually…many are the men who can protect us physically, provide for us financially and kill the bugs, fix the faucet and maintain the vehicle, but the spiritual leaders are few and far between.

Men, single and married, have fumbled the ball and women have had to pick it up and keep going. We’re determined not to let the enemy force a turnover. Women are fighting for their families, taking their kids to church, gutting it out single and taking on leadership roles in the church because the men just aren’t doing it. Sure, there are some, but walk into any church in the world (with rare exception) and observe the ratio. Ever since the Garden of Eden, when Adam, who was with Eve stood by and watched her fall into the Devil’s trap, men have been falling down on their job. Hopefully, this does not sound like a bitter diatribe from a single woman who longs to be married; it is an honest, though not pretty, observation of reality.

Women have also failed in their role of submissiveness. Peter clearly states that what made Sarah beautiful was her submissiveness to Abraham. Although we know she was outwardly beautiful as well because of the accounts of Abraham lying and saying she was his sister to keep from being killed by men who might want her. There are other examples of outward beauty with the women of old-look at Rachel and Leah. So, what do we do with this biblical teaching about true beauty? As women, we have failed to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit. We have failed submit to authority and instead have sought our own will, asserted our own independence. Many women have rejected marriage in the pursuit of a career, while others of us have pursued a career because marriage didn’t present itself as an option. Women have turned to outward beauty as a source of self-worth resulting in immodest dress, exhorbitant spending on beauty products and treatments and obsession with clothes, shoes and accessories. Why do we do this? Beauty makes a woman feel powerful because it gets the man’s attention and makes the other women jealous. But as we know charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30).

So what are we to do? I say the only thing we can do is examine ourselves to make sure that we are doing what we know God has called us to do. Look inward and make sure we are not failing at our role of biblical manhood or womanhood and make the necessary changes. Then, pray, pray, pray for the church. Pray for men to stand up and be men. Pray for women to accept their role as women. Pray for spiritual leaders, assertive, yet gentle men to be raised up and to pursue the godly women in an appropriate way. Pray for single women to not give in to fear, but to wait for the right man, to be submissive to authority and willing to give up their independence. Pray for the church to teach these concepts of biblical manhood and womanhood. Pray for men and women around the world to understand and obey the clear teachings of God’s Word on their roles and to determine in their hearts to carry out with their actions what they know God would have them to be.

Here’s where I currently stand in this effort:
To begin with, the concept of beauty is a tricky one. I know that Biblical beauty comes from a gentle and quiet spirit, a precious and valuable thing in God’s sight. Is it precious and valuable in man’s? To a godly man, it should be, but so many Christian men are still looking for the outward beauty that Proverbs tells us is fleeting. Beauty also comes from submissiveness, specifically to a husband. So, what if you have no husband? I know we are to be submissive to authority both in society and in the church, but does that scream ‘beautiful’ to those around us? Peter goes on to say that we are Sarah’s daughters if we do what is right and do not give way to fear. Doing what is right is much easier than not giving way to fear…at least for me. I’m deathly afraid of being alone for the rest of my life, but I will keep on doing what is right, with or without a husband. I guess that is not giving way to fear. I’m determined not to let my fear of being alone cause me to compromise in the area of relationships. It has in the past and it’s very tempting to allow it to in the present. It’s not my role to seek a husband and there’s no way I’ll settle for less than God’s best. So, why do I continually find myself looking around? It is a daily struggle for me as a single missionary to submit to God's will for my life, to accept my current situation and to glorify God through it. I daily pray for my own attitude, will and actions to conform to God's perfect plan. I also daily pray for a godly husband to partner with in ministry. Unless I hear a clear word from God saying that is not in His plan for me, I will continue to do so. Now, my next step is to take my own advice and to pray for the Church.