Quiet Time
When I was a kid growing up in the First Baptist (Lake Jackson, not Houston) youth group, I remember all those talks the youth ministers and Sunday School teachers used to give us about having a "quiet time." We got special devotional books and cool teen journals, etc, etc. We had guides on what order to do our quiet time in and how long it should take and even what order to say our daily prayers. Every time, I would get this nagging guilty feeling that I was doomed because I didn't have a regular time with God and everyone else seemed to have it all together and be Masters of the Quiet Time. I, not so much. To this day, I struggle with the daily thing(Insert collective gasp here).
But, here's the thing. I wonder where the line is drawn between legalistic checking of the box "Bible read daily" and the real life experience of being in relationship with God. See, the way I see it (and I'm totally ok with being wrong) is that God wants us. He wants to be in relationship with us. That's a two-way street. But it's a personal, love-relationship, not a business one. We don't make conference calls and set up online web chats to do deals with people in Tokyo. I may not check the box daily, but I have a deep and passionate relationship with my Savior. I have learned and grown and changed and been used and found my true joy and peace in Him. I love His Word. I memorize it and cling to it and claim its promises. I talk to Him in the car, in the shower, in my room, by the lake, river, ocean, fountain, in countries near and far. I have seen His hand move in others' lives and been blessed to be used by Him.
Is it possible that the daily quiet time isn't so cut and dried as what those youth ministers and Sunday school teachers described (or rather prescribed)? Isn't it possible to have a comfortable silence with the Savior that doesn't involve either of us speaking? Is it perhaps those growth spurts during key times of our lives that keep us on the right track? Am I on the wrong track? Is someone out there reading this going, "wow, this girl needs help. She's way off on the whole 'spiritual disciplines thing.'" Maybe I am. But I don't think so. I think we beat ourselves up about not being "disciplined" when it's actually not God-given conviction, but self-imposed guilt. We DO need time with God. No relationship can flourish without times of intimacy. But rather than scourging ourselves for our lack of daily discipline, why not make the most of the deep, albeit potentially sporadic, times of fellowship, growth, prayer and Bible study? Why not make a vow to God to be His friend and make Him our confidant? I've found that sometimes the daily discipline of study is dry and unfruitful, while the sporadic times can be so much more fulfilling and nurturing.
Am I rationalizing? If so, somebody out there set me straight. For now, I will go on drinking daily of that which is already in my head and in my heart of God. I will pray and I will study and I will grow, but I will not wallow in guilt about my lack of a daily "quiet time."
Monday, February 26, 2007
Monday, February 19, 2007
Dwell
*Disclaimer: this is an extremely disjointed, stream of consciousness blog that may not make a bit of sense to anyone who reads it. Don't expect to follow this train of thought...I think it derailed.
I've been told it's time to blog again. I think there are only two people who still read my blog, but that's ok, this is more a time to get my thoughts out than to really say anything to anyone, so I'm blogging again.
I was driving home from Starbucks just now, mulling over the talk I'd just had with my good friend Arshunda and trying to decide what to blog about. In that talk, I had mentioned a Caedmon's Call song called "You Created." The chorus says, "You created nothing that gives me more pleasure than you. And you won't give me something that gives me more pleasure than you." That's so not how my thinking has gone lately. I've been caught up in seeking something, a relationship, a place to plug in at church, a new adventure, whatever, just something because I haven't really been content with God. I've honestly just plain failed to let Him be my source of joy. It's the same old, same old I've got to wrap my head around. We have a God-shaped vacuum that we're all trying to fill with world-shaped stuff and it doesn't work. It never has. It never will. Only when we realize and really buy into the truth that God designed us with that vacuum and God intends to fill it with Himself, do we find joy.
Arshunda and I also talked about going on the offensive to combat the lies of the enemy and fight for that joy and abundance we're promised in Scripture. It's human nature to hole up and defend yourself...to put up your fences, your fists, and protect, protect, protect. But, going on the offensive involves dying to self. It calls for reckless abandonment of security and exposing yourself to the potential for hurt or even death. Paul says we are to offer our bodies as living sacrifices. Jesus told us to die to ourselves. Those things happen on the battle field. They happen as we shift our perspective from inward, focusing on me and my needs to outward, seeing the needs of others. So many of us are seeking to know God's individual plan for our lives, when God wants us to see His big picture plan for the world.
If we can die to self, if we can shift our focus, exchange our temporal perspectives for God's eternal one, then we won't mess around with worrying about who likes whom and why am I not being asked out? Forgiveness won't be such a chore. We won't stress over what so and so said to us at work or why our boss only manages to see our shortcomings and mistakes rather than praise our strengths and successes. We won't be so selfish with our time and insist on getting home in time for the game or our favorite TV show. Who cares? Does it really matter?
That same song I quoted above begins with this question: "Who is like unto the Lord our God who dwelleth on high, who dwelleth on high?" The answer is no one. The truth is that we seek to fulfill our lives with so many petty things and we dwell on the lack of fulfillment they bring. I suggest we move. Take up a new dwelling. Dwell. It's a weird word. It can mean where we live, like our house. It can mean to abide, hang out, stick around, just be. It can be figurative, like what we allow our mind to dwell upon. Philippians tells us to dwell upon things that are pure and lovely, etc. Paul says elsewhere that it's in Him that we "live and move and have our being." In other words, in Christ, we are to dwell. Christ Himself told His followers to abide (dwell) in Him. And so I ask, what are we doing with our time and where are we dwelling?
*Disclaimer: this is an extremely disjointed, stream of consciousness blog that may not make a bit of sense to anyone who reads it. Don't expect to follow this train of thought...I think it derailed.
I've been told it's time to blog again. I think there are only two people who still read my blog, but that's ok, this is more a time to get my thoughts out than to really say anything to anyone, so I'm blogging again.
I was driving home from Starbucks just now, mulling over the talk I'd just had with my good friend Arshunda and trying to decide what to blog about. In that talk, I had mentioned a Caedmon's Call song called "You Created." The chorus says, "You created nothing that gives me more pleasure than you. And you won't give me something that gives me more pleasure than you." That's so not how my thinking has gone lately. I've been caught up in seeking something, a relationship, a place to plug in at church, a new adventure, whatever, just something because I haven't really been content with God. I've honestly just plain failed to let Him be my source of joy. It's the same old, same old I've got to wrap my head around. We have a God-shaped vacuum that we're all trying to fill with world-shaped stuff and it doesn't work. It never has. It never will. Only when we realize and really buy into the truth that God designed us with that vacuum and God intends to fill it with Himself, do we find joy.
Arshunda and I also talked about going on the offensive to combat the lies of the enemy and fight for that joy and abundance we're promised in Scripture. It's human nature to hole up and defend yourself...to put up your fences, your fists, and protect, protect, protect. But, going on the offensive involves dying to self. It calls for reckless abandonment of security and exposing yourself to the potential for hurt or even death. Paul says we are to offer our bodies as living sacrifices. Jesus told us to die to ourselves. Those things happen on the battle field. They happen as we shift our perspective from inward, focusing on me and my needs to outward, seeing the needs of others. So many of us are seeking to know God's individual plan for our lives, when God wants us to see His big picture plan for the world.
If we can die to self, if we can shift our focus, exchange our temporal perspectives for God's eternal one, then we won't mess around with worrying about who likes whom and why am I not being asked out? Forgiveness won't be such a chore. We won't stress over what so and so said to us at work or why our boss only manages to see our shortcomings and mistakes rather than praise our strengths and successes. We won't be so selfish with our time and insist on getting home in time for the game or our favorite TV show. Who cares? Does it really matter?
That same song I quoted above begins with this question: "Who is like unto the Lord our God who dwelleth on high, who dwelleth on high?" The answer is no one. The truth is that we seek to fulfill our lives with so many petty things and we dwell on the lack of fulfillment they bring. I suggest we move. Take up a new dwelling. Dwell. It's a weird word. It can mean where we live, like our house. It can mean to abide, hang out, stick around, just be. It can be figurative, like what we allow our mind to dwell upon. Philippians tells us to dwell upon things that are pure and lovely, etc. Paul says elsewhere that it's in Him that we "live and move and have our being." In other words, in Christ, we are to dwell. Christ Himself told His followers to abide (dwell) in Him. And so I ask, what are we doing with our time and where are we dwelling?
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