Jealous AND Bitter?

A girl from my old Sunday School class at Second Baptist just published a book. When I got the e-mail telling me about this new book, my instant response was jealousy. I've always wanted to write a book and have it published. And to top it off, her book is on the same topic as a book I've started, but never finished. I took note of my initial reaction, then decided to move past it and go ahead and read the first chapter which can be accessed online.

As I read, God used this girl to speak directly to my heart. It occurred to me that I'm starting to get bitter because life hasn't met my expectations. I feel like God has forgotten me because I'm still single. Sure, I can quote the Scriptures about God knowing the plans He has for me and not being anxious about anything, but praying about everything. I can spout all the pithy mantras about God's timing and using my singleness to its utmost potential. I can remind myself of all the blessings I do have and all the things I've gotten to do in my life so far.

I can counsel others on trusting God, but there are just those times when I get tired of waiting and feel left behind, like that time Mom thought Dad was picking me up from school and Dad thought Mom had me. I sat outside the gym until it started to get dark and finally a kind policeman stopped and took me home only to discover neither of them was there. I ended up at the police station waiting for them to get home and answer the phone to learn where I was. Aren't you glad we have cell phones now?

Well, anyway, I've got some praying to do. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to be jealous of my girl friends' success or happiness. I want to be able to say with Paul that "to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Phil 2:20). I want to be so much more anxious to get to heaven than to get down the aisle. I want to want Jesus more than a husband...not that I can get rid of the desire to be married. I believe that is God-given, but I want to give that desire its rightful place in my total mindset.

By the way, I do want to reccommend my friend's book. I think it could help others besides me.