Lonely in a Crowd

Starbucks is a great place to get some work done. Yesterday, I sat in my room all day and "worked" on papers that needed to be graded and recorded. I took frequent breaks to check my e-mail, surf the web or play a game on the computer. Not only that, but there was football on tv. I mean, I HAD to watch football, right? Needless to say, I didn't get much done. That meant that today was the day to finish up. So, after lunch, I grabbed my school bag and headed to the Starbucks. I mean, I was serious. With the help of a Grande Carmel Macciatto, those papers got graded in about two hours. Did I mention that I'd spent all day on them yesterday? Anyway, to the point of my story...

I finished up around 8:00pm, so I decided to go check out CityFest and see if things were still going on there. I found a great parking spot since a lot of folks with kids were leaving. As I wandered up to the main stage I started to feel really lonely. I was supposed to go with some girls from church, but that fell through. I made it to the stage right as Luis Palau was finishing his message. I realized if I'd come earlier, I could have helped out with decision counseling or something, but I hadn't been on the ball enough to sign up and show up.

So here I was, wandering through the crowd looking for familiar faces. I saw a few, but they were with significant others, so I kept walking. Chris Tomlin was about to go on, so I stuck around. As he started leading the crowd in worship, that lonely feeling intensified. Here were all these people with their friends and families around them worshipping God and I was all alone. I watched the people raising their hands, eyes closed, lost in the moment of worship and I thought this is what Heaven will be like, only without the loneliness and I can't wait for that day when I won't ever feel alone in a crowd again.

Then it hit me the words I was singing. "Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough for me." I was singing because I knew the words, but I wasn't really singing to God. I wasn't taking to heart the fact that even though I was there alone, I wasn't really alone and not only that, but the God who was there with me, in me, was enough for me. I won't tell you that I instantly felt good about being there alone. After all, God did design us for relationships, but I knew I would be ok and that even though I was experiencing a moment of loneliness, I was there for a reason. I needed to learn to lean on God's grace and find it enough for me in that moment. I stayed to the end and even bought a CD, then left still feeling alone, but knowing that no matter how lonely I feel, there will always be enough grace for me. I'm challenged as I struggle with my singleness and as I try to figure out God's purpose for my life, to turn those struggles and fears over to the only One who can meet my every need. His grace is enough...

"For the LORD is a sun and a shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Oh LORD almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you." Ps. 84:11-12