Grateful and Better
(or perhaps more aptly titled, "No Longer Jealous and Bitter")
This is for all the people who read my previous post and are worried about me. :) I did that praying that I was talking about and also did some more thinking, spent some time with good Christian friends, listened to some Chris Tomlin and Third Day (two of my favorite artists), went to church and studied some Scripture.
Life is good. Like one of my friends said in a recent e-mail, I'm doing pretty well if my main problem in life is being single. I still haven't written that best-seller and I am still dateless, but God is good. Not just good, He's sufficient. Every day there is something new to thank God for. Whether it's simply the fact that you woke up this morning or something huge like finding out your book is being published or starting a new relationship; God is there. His presence is more desireable than any blessing He can give.
Like being with your friends...you don't want to be with them for the things they give you. You simply enjoy their company. That's how God's presence is. God is not a Cosmic vending machine. He is a friend of sinners. How amazing is that? If you got to visit the White House or eat lunch with a celebrity, you'd talk about it for months. But think about this-you get to hang out with the One who designed every tree and animal and the human body and the veins on the back of a leaf and the sunset over the Pacific. That's your God. And not only that, He's your friend.
So, if you were worried about me being jealous and bitter, know that I was just having a "moment." We all have those. It's what we do with them in life that determines who we are.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Jealous AND Bitter?
A girl from my old Sunday School class at Second Baptist just published a book. When I got the e-mail telling me about this new book, my instant response was jealousy. I've always wanted to write a book and have it published. And to top it off, her book is on the same topic as a book I've started, but never finished. I took note of my initial reaction, then decided to move past it and go ahead and read the first chapter which can be accessed online.
As I read, God used this girl to speak directly to my heart. It occurred to me that I'm starting to get bitter because life hasn't met my expectations. I feel like God has forgotten me because I'm still single. Sure, I can quote the Scriptures about God knowing the plans He has for me and not being anxious about anything, but praying about everything. I can spout all the pithy mantras about God's timing and using my singleness to its utmost potential. I can remind myself of all the blessings I do have and all the things I've gotten to do in my life so far.
I can counsel others on trusting God, but there are just those times when I get tired of waiting and feel left behind, like that time Mom thought Dad was picking me up from school and Dad thought Mom had me. I sat outside the gym until it started to get dark and finally a kind policeman stopped and took me home only to discover neither of them was there. I ended up at the police station waiting for them to get home and answer the phone to learn where I was. Aren't you glad we have cell phones now?
Well, anyway, I've got some praying to do. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to be jealous of my girl friends' success or happiness. I want to be able to say with Paul that "to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Phil 2:20). I want to be so much more anxious to get to heaven than to get down the aisle. I want to want Jesus more than a husband...not that I can get rid of the desire to be married. I believe that is God-given, but I want to give that desire its rightful place in my total mindset.
By the way, I do want to reccommend my friend's book. I think it could help others besides me.
A girl from my old Sunday School class at Second Baptist just published a book. When I got the e-mail telling me about this new book, my instant response was jealousy. I've always wanted to write a book and have it published. And to top it off, her book is on the same topic as a book I've started, but never finished. I took note of my initial reaction, then decided to move past it and go ahead and read the first chapter which can be accessed online.
As I read, God used this girl to speak directly to my heart. It occurred to me that I'm starting to get bitter because life hasn't met my expectations. I feel like God has forgotten me because I'm still single. Sure, I can quote the Scriptures about God knowing the plans He has for me and not being anxious about anything, but praying about everything. I can spout all the pithy mantras about God's timing and using my singleness to its utmost potential. I can remind myself of all the blessings I do have and all the things I've gotten to do in my life so far.
I can counsel others on trusting God, but there are just those times when I get tired of waiting and feel left behind, like that time Mom thought Dad was picking me up from school and Dad thought Mom had me. I sat outside the gym until it started to get dark and finally a kind policeman stopped and took me home only to discover neither of them was there. I ended up at the police station waiting for them to get home and answer the phone to learn where I was. Aren't you glad we have cell phones now?
Well, anyway, I've got some praying to do. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to be jealous of my girl friends' success or happiness. I want to be able to say with Paul that "to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Phil 2:20). I want to be so much more anxious to get to heaven than to get down the aisle. I want to want Jesus more than a husband...not that I can get rid of the desire to be married. I believe that is God-given, but I want to give that desire its rightful place in my total mindset.
By the way, I do want to reccommend my friend's book. I think it could help others besides me.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Heresy, Blasphemy and Episode III
I was at a friend's house tonight watching Star Wars, Episode III and we were commenting on how New Age Yoda's instructions to Anakin Skywalker were. He told him that he needed to let go of all attachments and get rid of all feelings-love and hate, fear and anger in order to be a good Jedi Knight. Of course, if you've seen the movie, you know that Anakin doesn't follow Yoda's advice and ends up becoming Darth Vader after making some really dreadful decisions, thus seemingly proving Yoda right.
I was telling the others present that I don't like this Episode for that very reason. It's painful to watch someone with a dilemma like Skywalker's choose wrong, even if he thinks he's doing it for the right reasons.
Now, I know some of my friends out there in blog world may be shocked at my criticism of their beloved Star Wars, and may be even now accusing me of heresy, but that's ok. I do realize that everything works out in the end and Skywalker eventually does what is necessary to "bring balance to the Force," it's just sad that there are so many casualties along the way. Yeah, that's what's sad. But what's scary is the fact that so many people watch these movies and are unable to separate the drama and action from the philosophy and heresy woven throughout the six episodes.
Whether conciously or not, we can be affected by Yoda's advice to close ourselves off from attachments that could lead to painful experiences. We put up walls to protect ourselves from situations where we might get hurt or become angry. After all, look where it got Anakin. But, that's the gospel according to Yoda. Jesus says just the opposite, and the apostles John and Paul reiterate that we are to love one another; hate what is evil, cling to what is good; be angry, but do not sin; fear the Lord.
Can you imagine living in a world where we were told not to have emotions? That would make us more like droids than humans. Part of being created in the image of God is our ability to feel, to love, to express emotion. There is no Force to be balanced out with Nirvana-like removal of attachments. The world needs all the love we can give and God's power that is shown through His people fulfilling the purpose of the Church, is more amazing than any Jedi mind trick or use of the Force.
Letting down your walls and letting God love people through you almost certainly will expose you to painful situations, but consider the alternative-a life that is powerless and devoid of joy. Which would you choose?
I was at a friend's house tonight watching Star Wars, Episode III and we were commenting on how New Age Yoda's instructions to Anakin Skywalker were. He told him that he needed to let go of all attachments and get rid of all feelings-love and hate, fear and anger in order to be a good Jedi Knight. Of course, if you've seen the movie, you know that Anakin doesn't follow Yoda's advice and ends up becoming Darth Vader after making some really dreadful decisions, thus seemingly proving Yoda right.
I was telling the others present that I don't like this Episode for that very reason. It's painful to watch someone with a dilemma like Skywalker's choose wrong, even if he thinks he's doing it for the right reasons.
Now, I know some of my friends out there in blog world may be shocked at my criticism of their beloved Star Wars, and may be even now accusing me of heresy, but that's ok. I do realize that everything works out in the end and Skywalker eventually does what is necessary to "bring balance to the Force," it's just sad that there are so many casualties along the way. Yeah, that's what's sad. But what's scary is the fact that so many people watch these movies and are unable to separate the drama and action from the philosophy and heresy woven throughout the six episodes.
Whether conciously or not, we can be affected by Yoda's advice to close ourselves off from attachments that could lead to painful experiences. We put up walls to protect ourselves from situations where we might get hurt or become angry. After all, look where it got Anakin. But, that's the gospel according to Yoda. Jesus says just the opposite, and the apostles John and Paul reiterate that we are to love one another; hate what is evil, cling to what is good; be angry, but do not sin; fear the Lord.
Can you imagine living in a world where we were told not to have emotions? That would make us more like droids than humans. Part of being created in the image of God is our ability to feel, to love, to express emotion. There is no Force to be balanced out with Nirvana-like removal of attachments. The world needs all the love we can give and God's power that is shown through His people fulfilling the purpose of the Church, is more amazing than any Jedi mind trick or use of the Force.
Letting down your walls and letting God love people through you almost certainly will expose you to painful situations, but consider the alternative-a life that is powerless and devoid of joy. Which would you choose?
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Oops!
When I signed on to Yahoo! today, there was an article on the homepage about a casino owner in Vegas who accidentally poked a hole in an original Picasso painting he had just sold for $139 million! Of course, he did the right thing by releasing the buyer of his obligation to pay up on the damaged goods, but the story reminded me of how temporary this Earth and all its valuables really are.
For one thing, it amazes me that anyone would pay millions of dollars for a piece of cloth with paint on it. Who gets to say which paintings are more valuable than others? And now that the painting is no longer in perfect condition, how much is it worth? The guy's going to keep the painting and have it repaired, but would he ever be able to sell it now?
Aren't you glad that God doesn't treat us like that painting? We have supreme value because Jesus paid for us with His life, but what if God had decided we weren't worth anything anymore because we were "damaged goods" after the fall? When this life is over and all the Picasso's are burned up (along with all the other expensive stuff we spend too much money on), what will remain? We will. Man's soul will outlast all the art, all the technology, all the stuff. That should make us realize the value of people over everything else and it should challenge us to treat people as the supremely valuable creation that they are. Each individual life is worth infinite Picasso paintings.
That's why Jesus said "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also" (Matthew 6:19-21).
That treasure He's talking about is the souls that will be in heaven because you told them the truth about Christ. There's nothing else we can put in storage there. How awesome will it be to get to heaven and be greeted by our "treasure" in the form of people we made an eternal impact upon.
So, poor guy who ruined his Picasso painting. Let's pray he got a glimpse of the temporal nature of earthly things.
When I signed on to Yahoo! today, there was an article on the homepage about a casino owner in Vegas who accidentally poked a hole in an original Picasso painting he had just sold for $139 million! Of course, he did the right thing by releasing the buyer of his obligation to pay up on the damaged goods, but the story reminded me of how temporary this Earth and all its valuables really are.
For one thing, it amazes me that anyone would pay millions of dollars for a piece of cloth with paint on it. Who gets to say which paintings are more valuable than others? And now that the painting is no longer in perfect condition, how much is it worth? The guy's going to keep the painting and have it repaired, but would he ever be able to sell it now?
Aren't you glad that God doesn't treat us like that painting? We have supreme value because Jesus paid for us with His life, but what if God had decided we weren't worth anything anymore because we were "damaged goods" after the fall? When this life is over and all the Picasso's are burned up (along with all the other expensive stuff we spend too much money on), what will remain? We will. Man's soul will outlast all the art, all the technology, all the stuff. That should make us realize the value of people over everything else and it should challenge us to treat people as the supremely valuable creation that they are. Each individual life is worth infinite Picasso paintings.
That's why Jesus said "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also" (Matthew 6:19-21).
That treasure He's talking about is the souls that will be in heaven because you told them the truth about Christ. There's nothing else we can put in storage there. How awesome will it be to get to heaven and be greeted by our "treasure" in the form of people we made an eternal impact upon.
So, poor guy who ruined his Picasso painting. Let's pray he got a glimpse of the temporal nature of earthly things.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Forward Progress
It's football season. One of the only redeeming aspects of the NFL is getting to see your favorite college players take that step "up" and try to make it in the big arena. I put "up" in quotes because if you're like me, you prefer watching college ball over pro any day. So, it's time to don your favorite team's shirt and spend your Saturdays flipping between games revelling in the school spirit, the upsets and the victories, the huge plays and the "Hi Mom" signs that make up college football.
Now, even if you're not a fan, and you don't know much about the game, most people know that the goal is to get the football across the goal line to score a touchdown. Of course, there are other ways to score involving kicking, tackling in the opponents' end zone, etc., but the most common (and most effective pointwise) way to score is the touchdown. To get there, your team must make forward progress. Either by passing or running with it, the ball must get across that line.
The same goes with life. The goal is to win and the way to win is to score against the Enemy. To score against the Enemy, we must make forward progress.
Ways to score against the Enemy:
1) Surrender your life to Christ (salvation).
--John 10:10 says, "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly."
2) Surrender your life to be used by God
--I Corinthians 15:57-58 says, "But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, for you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."
--Romans 12:1-2 says, "I urge you therefore, to offer up your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God which is your spiritual act of worship. Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will know what God's will is-His good, pleasing and perfect will."
3) Through God's grace, conquer personal sin
--Ephesians 4:17-24 (Contemporary English Version) says,
17 As a follower of the Lord, I order you to stop living like stupid, godless people. 18 Their minds are in the dark, and they are stubborn and ignorant and have missed out on the life that comes from God. They no longer have any feelings about what is right, 19 and they are so greedy that they do all kinds of indecent things.
20-21 But that isn’t what you were taught about Jesus Christ. He is the truth, and you heard about him and learned about him. 22 You were told that your foolish desires will destroy you and that you must give up your old way of life with all its bad habits. 23 Let the Spirit change your way of thinking 24 and make you into a new person. You were created to be like God, and so you must please him and be truly holy.
There are many other ways to make forward progress in the Christian life, but these are a few of the big ones...the touchdowns, if you will.
One thing my pastor said on Sunday really hit home with me. He opened his sermon by saying that 3 steps forward and 2 steps back is still 1 step forward. Life is all about forward strides and setbacks. The problem is that so many of us focus on the 2 steps back and let them paralyze us rather than taking stock and realizing that hey, we just made forward progress. It may not have been much, but at least it was in the right direction.
In football, the defense is supposed to tackle the guy with the ball to keep him from going any farther forward. Sometimes they don't knock him down, but the ball is considered down because the defense has "stopped forward progress" by getting in the way of the player with the ball or pushing him backward. Don't let the Enemy stop your forward progress. He will point to your 2 steps back and discourage you saying, "you'll never get this Christian walk thing right. You might as well quit trying." When he does that, point to that step forward and remind him (and yourself) that you are already on the winning team.
It's football season. One of the only redeeming aspects of the NFL is getting to see your favorite college players take that step "up" and try to make it in the big arena. I put "up" in quotes because if you're like me, you prefer watching college ball over pro any day. So, it's time to don your favorite team's shirt and spend your Saturdays flipping between games revelling in the school spirit, the upsets and the victories, the huge plays and the "Hi Mom" signs that make up college football.
Now, even if you're not a fan, and you don't know much about the game, most people know that the goal is to get the football across the goal line to score a touchdown. Of course, there are other ways to score involving kicking, tackling in the opponents' end zone, etc., but the most common (and most effective pointwise) way to score is the touchdown. To get there, your team must make forward progress. Either by passing or running with it, the ball must get across that line.
The same goes with life. The goal is to win and the way to win is to score against the Enemy. To score against the Enemy, we must make forward progress.
Ways to score against the Enemy:
1) Surrender your life to Christ (salvation).
--John 10:10 says, "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly."
2) Surrender your life to be used by God
--I Corinthians 15:57-58 says, "But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, for you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."
--Romans 12:1-2 says, "I urge you therefore, to offer up your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God which is your spiritual act of worship. Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will know what God's will is-His good, pleasing and perfect will."
3) Through God's grace, conquer personal sin
--Ephesians 4:17-24 (Contemporary English Version) says,
17 As a follower of the Lord, I order you to stop living like stupid, godless people. 18 Their minds are in the dark, and they are stubborn and ignorant and have missed out on the life that comes from God. They no longer have any feelings about what is right, 19 and they are so greedy that they do all kinds of indecent things.
20-21 But that isn’t what you were taught about Jesus Christ. He is the truth, and you heard about him and learned about him. 22 You were told that your foolish desires will destroy you and that you must give up your old way of life with all its bad habits. 23 Let the Spirit change your way of thinking 24 and make you into a new person. You were created to be like God, and so you must please him and be truly holy.
There are many other ways to make forward progress in the Christian life, but these are a few of the big ones...the touchdowns, if you will.
One thing my pastor said on Sunday really hit home with me. He opened his sermon by saying that 3 steps forward and 2 steps back is still 1 step forward. Life is all about forward strides and setbacks. The problem is that so many of us focus on the 2 steps back and let them paralyze us rather than taking stock and realizing that hey, we just made forward progress. It may not have been much, but at least it was in the right direction.
In football, the defense is supposed to tackle the guy with the ball to keep him from going any farther forward. Sometimes they don't knock him down, but the ball is considered down because the defense has "stopped forward progress" by getting in the way of the player with the ball or pushing him backward. Don't let the Enemy stop your forward progress. He will point to your 2 steps back and discourage you saying, "you'll never get this Christian walk thing right. You might as well quit trying." When he does that, point to that step forward and remind him (and yourself) that you are already on the winning team.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Lonely in a Crowd
Starbucks is a great place to get some work done. Yesterday, I sat in my room all day and "worked" on papers that needed to be graded and recorded. I took frequent breaks to check my e-mail, surf the web or play a game on the computer. Not only that, but there was football on tv. I mean, I HAD to watch football, right? Needless to say, I didn't get much done. That meant that today was the day to finish up. So, after lunch, I grabbed my school bag and headed to the Starbucks. I mean, I was serious. With the help of a Grande Carmel Macciatto, those papers got graded in about two hours. Did I mention that I'd spent all day on them yesterday? Anyway, to the point of my story...
I finished up around 8:00pm, so I decided to go check out CityFest and see if things were still going on there. I found a great parking spot since a lot of folks with kids were leaving. As I wandered up to the main stage I started to feel really lonely. I was supposed to go with some girls from church, but that fell through. I made it to the stage right as Luis Palau was finishing his message. I realized if I'd come earlier, I could have helped out with decision counseling or something, but I hadn't been on the ball enough to sign up and show up.
So here I was, wandering through the crowd looking for familiar faces. I saw a few, but they were with significant others, so I kept walking. Chris Tomlin was about to go on, so I stuck around. As he started leading the crowd in worship, that lonely feeling intensified. Here were all these people with their friends and families around them worshipping God and I was all alone. I watched the people raising their hands, eyes closed, lost in the moment of worship and I thought this is what Heaven will be like, only without the loneliness and I can't wait for that day when I won't ever feel alone in a crowd again.
Then it hit me the words I was singing. "Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough for me." I was singing because I knew the words, but I wasn't really singing to God. I wasn't taking to heart the fact that even though I was there alone, I wasn't really alone and not only that, but the God who was there with me, in me, was enough for me. I won't tell you that I instantly felt good about being there alone. After all, God did design us for relationships, but I knew I would be ok and that even though I was experiencing a moment of loneliness, I was there for a reason. I needed to learn to lean on God's grace and find it enough for me in that moment. I stayed to the end and even bought a CD, then left still feeling alone, but knowing that no matter how lonely I feel, there will always be enough grace for me. I'm challenged as I struggle with my singleness and as I try to figure out God's purpose for my life, to turn those struggles and fears over to the only One who can meet my every need. His grace is enough...
"For the LORD is a sun and a shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Oh LORD almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you." Ps. 84:11-12
Starbucks is a great place to get some work done. Yesterday, I sat in my room all day and "worked" on papers that needed to be graded and recorded. I took frequent breaks to check my e-mail, surf the web or play a game on the computer. Not only that, but there was football on tv. I mean, I HAD to watch football, right? Needless to say, I didn't get much done. That meant that today was the day to finish up. So, after lunch, I grabbed my school bag and headed to the Starbucks. I mean, I was serious. With the help of a Grande Carmel Macciatto, those papers got graded in about two hours. Did I mention that I'd spent all day on them yesterday? Anyway, to the point of my story...
I finished up around 8:00pm, so I decided to go check out CityFest and see if things were still going on there. I found a great parking spot since a lot of folks with kids were leaving. As I wandered up to the main stage I started to feel really lonely. I was supposed to go with some girls from church, but that fell through. I made it to the stage right as Luis Palau was finishing his message. I realized if I'd come earlier, I could have helped out with decision counseling or something, but I hadn't been on the ball enough to sign up and show up.
So here I was, wandering through the crowd looking for familiar faces. I saw a few, but they were with significant others, so I kept walking. Chris Tomlin was about to go on, so I stuck around. As he started leading the crowd in worship, that lonely feeling intensified. Here were all these people with their friends and families around them worshipping God and I was all alone. I watched the people raising their hands, eyes closed, lost in the moment of worship and I thought this is what Heaven will be like, only without the loneliness and I can't wait for that day when I won't ever feel alone in a crowd again.
Then it hit me the words I was singing. "Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough for me." I was singing because I knew the words, but I wasn't really singing to God. I wasn't taking to heart the fact that even though I was there alone, I wasn't really alone and not only that, but the God who was there with me, in me, was enough for me. I won't tell you that I instantly felt good about being there alone. After all, God did design us for relationships, but I knew I would be ok and that even though I was experiencing a moment of loneliness, I was there for a reason. I needed to learn to lean on God's grace and find it enough for me in that moment. I stayed to the end and even bought a CD, then left still feeling alone, but knowing that no matter how lonely I feel, there will always be enough grace for me. I'm challenged as I struggle with my singleness and as I try to figure out God's purpose for my life, to turn those struggles and fears over to the only One who can meet my every need. His grace is enough...
"For the LORD is a sun and a shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Oh LORD almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you." Ps. 84:11-12
Friday, September 29, 2006
DIE-HARD ASTROS FANS ANONYMOUS
I went to get my haircut today and found a soulmate in Veronica, the hairdresser. I was overjoyed to find another girl out there who loves the Astros as much as I do and keeps on believing! There are two teachers in my lunch hour who are also abreast on the latest Astros news and can converse intelligently on the ins and outs of the team and the game. It's so refreshing to know I'm not alone.
It's also nice to know that there are some people out there who would never dream of taking my phone away just because I was checking the score. Those who would, and have, will remain nameless (unless it happens again) because they should feel the guilt.
NEVER STOP BELIEVING!!
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Ouch, That Hurt!
Something happened recently that hurt my pride. I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say that I was not a happy camper. As I simmered in my frustration, I searched for the source of the pain. I could point to the situation and the people involved and blame them for it. I could go through all the details and the "if only's" that would have made things turn out more pleasantly for me.
But, instead, I asked God why I was so hurt. I was surprised with the answer. It occurred to me suddenly and alarmingly that I was hurt because I still had pride left in me to be hurt. I mean, if I were dead to self, this situation would not have affected me like it did. Am I on the right track here? What do you think? Is it possible to get to the point where your pride can't be hurt?
Something happened recently that hurt my pride. I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say that I was not a happy camper. As I simmered in my frustration, I searched for the source of the pain. I could point to the situation and the people involved and blame them for it. I could go through all the details and the "if only's" that would have made things turn out more pleasantly for me.
But, instead, I asked God why I was so hurt. I was surprised with the answer. It occurred to me suddenly and alarmingly that I was hurt because I still had pride left in me to be hurt. I mean, if I were dead to self, this situation would not have affected me like it did. Am I on the right track here? What do you think? Is it possible to get to the point where your pride can't be hurt?
Monday, August 28, 2006
I Don't Remember a Thing...
You know it's funny...almost every time I tell someone I'm a Spanish teacher, they give me some form of the expression, "yeah, I took two years of Spanish in high school and I don't remember a thing."
Now, I could take that as a devaluation of my existence as a Spanish teacher, but then I remember Mr. Mahan, my 10th grade Geometry teacher. I remember very little of what he taught me. I couldn't tutor someone in the subject and I definitely couldn't teach it or use it as a career foundation, but there's something else Mr. Mahan did that I'll never forget...he valued me as a person. When I tore all the ligaments in my ankle the night before his final exam, I got up and went to school anyway, so I wouldn't let him down. I fell asleep in the middle of the exam (Codine will do that to ya') and he had the school call my mom to come pick me up. He told me not to worry about the test...I could make it up later. I don't remember Geometry, but I remember him. That's why I teach...not to make kids bilingual, but to make them better people.
I also remember Mrs. Kotis and Mrs. Christman. Now, these two teachers didn't value me as a person. They chose favorites and I wasn't one of them, and I knew it...they made sure I knew it. Maybe not intentionally or consciously, but with their snide comments and negative treatment, I felt their disfavor. That's why I teach...to make sure there's someone out there counteracting the Mrs. Kotises and the Mrs. Christmans. I pray I never make a kid feel the way those two women made me feel.
It doesn't matter if my students ever use their Spanish outside of class or if they remember anything I taught them when they get to be 20 or 30 years old. What matters is if they remember that Miss Turner valued them as a person, so maybe, just maybe it's ok to value themselves. That's why I teach.
You know it's funny...almost every time I tell someone I'm a Spanish teacher, they give me some form of the expression, "yeah, I took two years of Spanish in high school and I don't remember a thing."
Now, I could take that as a devaluation of my existence as a Spanish teacher, but then I remember Mr. Mahan, my 10th grade Geometry teacher. I remember very little of what he taught me. I couldn't tutor someone in the subject and I definitely couldn't teach it or use it as a career foundation, but there's something else Mr. Mahan did that I'll never forget...he valued me as a person. When I tore all the ligaments in my ankle the night before his final exam, I got up and went to school anyway, so I wouldn't let him down. I fell asleep in the middle of the exam (Codine will do that to ya') and he had the school call my mom to come pick me up. He told me not to worry about the test...I could make it up later. I don't remember Geometry, but I remember him. That's why I teach...not to make kids bilingual, but to make them better people.
I also remember Mrs. Kotis and Mrs. Christman. Now, these two teachers didn't value me as a person. They chose favorites and I wasn't one of them, and I knew it...they made sure I knew it. Maybe not intentionally or consciously, but with their snide comments and negative treatment, I felt their disfavor. That's why I teach...to make sure there's someone out there counteracting the Mrs. Kotises and the Mrs. Christmans. I pray I never make a kid feel the way those two women made me feel.
It doesn't matter if my students ever use their Spanish outside of class or if they remember anything I taught them when they get to be 20 or 30 years old. What matters is if they remember that Miss Turner valued them as a person, so maybe, just maybe it's ok to value themselves. That's why I teach.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Losing Your Appetite
I was watching a cheesy chick flick called Raising Helen (wonderful way to spend a lame Friday night alone) and it hit me that the big churchy word sanctification is really just about losing your appetite. Before you go, "huh? Karla's lost it," let me attempt to explain.
The movie is about a beautiful, young, successful New Yorker named Helen who is the top assistant to the owner of a premiere modeling agency. She has everything going for her until her sister and brother-in-law die and leave her with three kids ages 5-15 to raise. At the risk of ruining the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it, things don't go so well and Helen ends up giving the kids over to her other sister and attempts to go back to her old lifestyle. But something has happened to her. She has lost her appetite for the clubs and parties and fancy things that used to define her life. She's discovered how much being a "mom" means and how important those kids are to her. While they were with her, she met a Lutheran pastor (the kids' principal) who helped her see that life's not all about her, not just about fashion and fun.
Of course, the movie isn't evangelistic, but it does give a good picture of what happens to a person when they die to self. When we become Christians, we are accepting the headship of Christ over our lives so that we no longer live for ourselves. And as we grow closer to Him, in relationship to Christ, we lose our appetite for sin.
The apostle John put it this way in 1 John 3:6, "No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him." What I think John is saying is that if you don't start to lose your appetite for sin, then you probably don't have a good relationship with Christ because knowing Him will change your desires. Sure, it takes time and some people really struggle with surrender, but eventually, you look back and say "wow, those things I used to enjoy so much don't seem fun anymore." The closer you are to Christ, the more you find joy in the things that bring Him pleasure and glory. You realize that the world's idea of "fun" is really empty and meaningless...a chasing after the wind.
So, think about it. Are you losing your appetite for the things of the world? Do vapid songs, movies and tv shows leave you unsatisfied? Are you less and less inclined to invest your time in things that are temporary and more inclined to spend it on things that are eternal? If not, think about where you are with God. Listen to what Paul says to the church in Corinth, "Brothers, I could not addess you as spiritual, but as worldly, mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed you are still not ready. You are still worldly" (1 Cor. 3:1-3). Isn't that sad? Don't let that be you. Beg for new cravings. Beg to lose your appetite.
I was watching a cheesy chick flick called Raising Helen (wonderful way to spend a lame Friday night alone) and it hit me that the big churchy word sanctification is really just about losing your appetite. Before you go, "huh? Karla's lost it," let me attempt to explain.
The movie is about a beautiful, young, successful New Yorker named Helen who is the top assistant to the owner of a premiere modeling agency. She has everything going for her until her sister and brother-in-law die and leave her with three kids ages 5-15 to raise. At the risk of ruining the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it, things don't go so well and Helen ends up giving the kids over to her other sister and attempts to go back to her old lifestyle. But something has happened to her. She has lost her appetite for the clubs and parties and fancy things that used to define her life. She's discovered how much being a "mom" means and how important those kids are to her. While they were with her, she met a Lutheran pastor (the kids' principal) who helped her see that life's not all about her, not just about fashion and fun.
Of course, the movie isn't evangelistic, but it does give a good picture of what happens to a person when they die to self. When we become Christians, we are accepting the headship of Christ over our lives so that we no longer live for ourselves. And as we grow closer to Him, in relationship to Christ, we lose our appetite for sin.
The apostle John put it this way in 1 John 3:6, "No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him." What I think John is saying is that if you don't start to lose your appetite for sin, then you probably don't have a good relationship with Christ because knowing Him will change your desires. Sure, it takes time and some people really struggle with surrender, but eventually, you look back and say "wow, those things I used to enjoy so much don't seem fun anymore." The closer you are to Christ, the more you find joy in the things that bring Him pleasure and glory. You realize that the world's idea of "fun" is really empty and meaningless...a chasing after the wind.
So, think about it. Are you losing your appetite for the things of the world? Do vapid songs, movies and tv shows leave you unsatisfied? Are you less and less inclined to invest your time in things that are temporary and more inclined to spend it on things that are eternal? If not, think about where you are with God. Listen to what Paul says to the church in Corinth, "Brothers, I could not addess you as spiritual, but as worldly, mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed you are still not ready. You are still worldly" (1 Cor. 3:1-3). Isn't that sad? Don't let that be you. Beg for new cravings. Beg to lose your appetite.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Bring It On!
It's that time again...school. My district starts pretty late compared to the school districts around us, but not as late as other parts of the country... they won't be going back for another week or two.
I'm not ready. Mentally-I'm getting there. Physically-I need to get back on track with my sleep schedule. Emotionally-kicking and screaming!! Spiritually...well, I told a teacher friend of mine at church today that I need a serious attitude check. This is a spiritual thing. God put me in the classroom for a reason. He wants me there...He wants to use me there. So, why am I so resistant to be there?
It sounds so spiritual and holy to say that I'd rather be on the mission field until I remind myself, I am on the mission field. America's public schools are as closed to the gospel as Eastern Europe before the fall of the Iron Curtain. Now, the consequences for breaking the law are very different (so far, no American teacher has had to suffer like the missionaries and martyrs who bring the gospel to Communist countries), but the enemy is definitely attempting to close the school doors to the gospel as Christian teachers are strictly warned not to "proselytize" in school or to use their position of authority as a platform for their faith.
So, what can I do as a Christian public school teacher? I can pray for my students. I can set a godly example for them. I can live my life in a way that makes them ask me what's different about me (if they ask, we're allowed to tell them). I can seek out Christian students and encourage them to share their faith because they're allowed to say things we aren't. I can sponsor a Christian club like Student Venture, FCA or Young Life, letting my students know that I am a Christian by my support of those organizations. I can be there for them.
This is bigger than me. It's bigger than any of us. This is a God-sized task, so thank God He's the One who's going to be doing the work...I just have to be willing to be used by Him.
So, tomorrow, when that bell rings and my new students come filing into my classroom, my mission begins anew. I may not want to go back to school, but I do want to glorify God with my life, so here's my chance. Bring it on!
"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ... Pray that I may proclaim it clearly as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:2-6
It's that time again...school. My district starts pretty late compared to the school districts around us, but not as late as other parts of the country... they won't be going back for another week or two.
I'm not ready. Mentally-I'm getting there. Physically-I need to get back on track with my sleep schedule. Emotionally-kicking and screaming!! Spiritually...well, I told a teacher friend of mine at church today that I need a serious attitude check. This is a spiritual thing. God put me in the classroom for a reason. He wants me there...He wants to use me there. So, why am I so resistant to be there?
It sounds so spiritual and holy to say that I'd rather be on the mission field until I remind myself, I am on the mission field. America's public schools are as closed to the gospel as Eastern Europe before the fall of the Iron Curtain. Now, the consequences for breaking the law are very different (so far, no American teacher has had to suffer like the missionaries and martyrs who bring the gospel to Communist countries), but the enemy is definitely attempting to close the school doors to the gospel as Christian teachers are strictly warned not to "proselytize" in school or to use their position of authority as a platform for their faith.
So, what can I do as a Christian public school teacher? I can pray for my students. I can set a godly example for them. I can live my life in a way that makes them ask me what's different about me (if they ask, we're allowed to tell them). I can seek out Christian students and encourage them to share their faith because they're allowed to say things we aren't. I can sponsor a Christian club like Student Venture, FCA or Young Life, letting my students know that I am a Christian by my support of those organizations. I can be there for them.
This is bigger than me. It's bigger than any of us. This is a God-sized task, so thank God He's the One who's going to be doing the work...I just have to be willing to be used by Him.
So, tomorrow, when that bell rings and my new students come filing into my classroom, my mission begins anew. I may not want to go back to school, but I do want to glorify God with my life, so here's my chance. Bring it on!
"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ... Pray that I may proclaim it clearly as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:2-6
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Demoralization
Some of you girls out there may have already heard this if you've done the Beth Moore study "Believing God," but something she said in the video segment I watched online today hit me square between the eyes and I felt like I should share it with the readers and lurkers in BlogWorld. God, through Beth, gave me the 2x4 treatment today (you know, when God hits you upside the head with a 2x4 and it changes your life forever?). Here's what He said:
Demoralization is when the enemy figures out what you most fear that you are and sets about to confirm it.
When those words came out of Beth's mouth, I could feel God saying to me, "that's what you're letting happen to you. You fear you are a bad teacher, a lazy bum, an unlovable failure because you're still single...those are the lies Satan is convincing you are true, but they're not true. Here is what's true. You are mine. You are loved. You can do all things through Christ's strength in you. You have gifts and blessings that I have uniquely given you that I want to uniquely use to further my Kingdom."
How is Satan trying to demoralize you? What is it you most fear you are? Well, don't believe it.
Does that mean that there's not room for growth in those areas of my life and yours? Of course not. We all have room for growth and those things we fear most about ourselves are probably the areas where we need to grow most. But if we will give them to God and say, "I fear this about me, but I trust you with that fear and I'm yours," God will take that fear and give us the greatest victory in those very areas...and I venture to say, it will be so miraculous that you will not be able to explain it any other way than that it was the hand of God.
Don't let the enemy demoralize you. I imagine it's not any harder for you than it was for me to know immediately what I feared most I was. Give it to God. Then believe what God's Word says about you.
It's summed up in Ephesians 1:3-7.
v.3-you are BLESSED with every spiritual blessing
v.4-you are CHOSEN before the creation of the world
v.5-you are ADOPTED as His son (or daughter)
v.6-you are ACCEPTED as He freely gives us His glorious grace
v.7-you are REDEEMED through His blood
v.7-you are FORGIVEN of your sins and lavished with His grace.
Most importantly, verse 4 says that we were chosen in love. God chose you because He loves you...not because He just wants to reform you like some warden in a correctional facility. He wants to renew your mind, refresh your spirit, redeem your life, because He loves you.
You are LOVED.
Believe who God says you are, not who you fear you are.
Some of you girls out there may have already heard this if you've done the Beth Moore study "Believing God," but something she said in the video segment I watched online today hit me square between the eyes and I felt like I should share it with the readers and lurkers in BlogWorld. God, through Beth, gave me the 2x4 treatment today (you know, when God hits you upside the head with a 2x4 and it changes your life forever?). Here's what He said:
Demoralization is when the enemy figures out what you most fear that you are and sets about to confirm it.
When those words came out of Beth's mouth, I could feel God saying to me, "that's what you're letting happen to you. You fear you are a bad teacher, a lazy bum, an unlovable failure because you're still single...those are the lies Satan is convincing you are true, but they're not true. Here is what's true. You are mine. You are loved. You can do all things through Christ's strength in you. You have gifts and blessings that I have uniquely given you that I want to uniquely use to further my Kingdom."
How is Satan trying to demoralize you? What is it you most fear you are? Well, don't believe it.
Does that mean that there's not room for growth in those areas of my life and yours? Of course not. We all have room for growth and those things we fear most about ourselves are probably the areas where we need to grow most. But if we will give them to God and say, "I fear this about me, but I trust you with that fear and I'm yours," God will take that fear and give us the greatest victory in those very areas...and I venture to say, it will be so miraculous that you will not be able to explain it any other way than that it was the hand of God.
Don't let the enemy demoralize you. I imagine it's not any harder for you than it was for me to know immediately what I feared most I was. Give it to God. Then believe what God's Word says about you.
It's summed up in Ephesians 1:3-7.
v.3-you are BLESSED with every spiritual blessing
v.4-you are CHOSEN before the creation of the world
v.5-you are ADOPTED as His son (or daughter)
v.6-you are ACCEPTED as He freely gives us His glorious grace
v.7-you are REDEEMED through His blood
v.7-you are FORGIVEN of your sins and lavished with His grace.
Most importantly, verse 4 says that we were chosen in love. God chose you because He loves you...not because He just wants to reform you like some warden in a correctional facility. He wants to renew your mind, refresh your spirit, redeem your life, because He loves you.
You are LOVED.
Believe who God says you are, not who you fear you are.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
If You're Not Sure...
Well, the big test is over. I had five hours to take a 70 question test, which of course only took and hour and a half, but I'm sure some people stayed to the bitter end. Not me! I was outta there as soon as I'd bubbled in #70 on my answer document.
Speaking of bubbling in answers, I was reading Page 1 in my test booklet, as instructed by the test administrator, which of course had all the mumbo jumbo about the test length, rules, instructions, etc. etc. The sample question was the first thing that took me by surprise. It read,
"What is the capital of Texas?"
a. Dallas
b. San Antonio
c. Austin
d. El Paso
Page 1 then proceeded to inform us of the correct answer and instuct us on how to bubble in the answer, complete with a picture in case we weren't sure. Mind you, this test is for teachers and future teachers of Gifted and Talented children. I'm sorry, but if we can't bubble answers by now, we have no business educating the future of America, much less the "gifted" future of America. The test itself was actually pretty tough, which further added to the irony of such explicit instructions.
If that weren't enough to amuse, amaze and sadden me, Page 1 then went on to explain that we should not leave any answers blank because we would "not be penalized for guessing." What? How in the world is that possible? The only way NOT to be penalized for guessing is to guess right. I guarantee you, if you guess wrong, you WILL be penalized. Duh! I think they just tell us that to keep us from leaving any answers blank, but come on people! Do we really fall for that?
Unfortunately, many people are falling for that lie daily...even Christians. We think if we're not sure about the truths of God's Word, it's ok to guess. Well guess what? It's NOT! Whole world religions, cults, false beliefs, etc. are based on the premise that it's ok to guess. If you're not sure, that's alright, God won't penalize you for guessing, as long as you're sincere about it. WRONG! If you guess wrong, you have everything to lose. That's a pretty big gamble with your eternity. Better hope you guess right.
The beauty of Christianity is that although it definitely calls for an element of faith, we have the Holy Spirit to grant us the assurance that we are not guessing. Jesus said, "if you hold to my teachings, you are really my disciples. Then you will KNOW the Truth and the Truth will make you free" (John 8:31-32). The same apostle who recorded those words of Jesus later writes a letter to some fellow believers encouraging them that they can KNOW that they have eternal life. He says, "And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may KNOW that you have eternal life" (I John 5:11-13).
We don't have to guess. We can KNOW. Now let's remember the words to the song we sang in Metro Thursday night. "All of life comes down to just one thing. That's to KNOW you, O Jesus, and to make you KNOWN." Anyone who doesn't KNOW will be penalized for guessing. Let's strive to eliminate the guesswork for them by making Him KNOWN by our words and actions.
Well, the big test is over. I had five hours to take a 70 question test, which of course only took and hour and a half, but I'm sure some people stayed to the bitter end. Not me! I was outta there as soon as I'd bubbled in #70 on my answer document.
Speaking of bubbling in answers, I was reading Page 1 in my test booklet, as instructed by the test administrator, which of course had all the mumbo jumbo about the test length, rules, instructions, etc. etc. The sample question was the first thing that took me by surprise. It read,
"What is the capital of Texas?"
a. Dallas
b. San Antonio
c. Austin
d. El Paso
Page 1 then proceeded to inform us of the correct answer and instuct us on how to bubble in the answer, complete with a picture in case we weren't sure. Mind you, this test is for teachers and future teachers of Gifted and Talented children. I'm sorry, but if we can't bubble answers by now, we have no business educating the future of America, much less the "gifted" future of America. The test itself was actually pretty tough, which further added to the irony of such explicit instructions.
If that weren't enough to amuse, amaze and sadden me, Page 1 then went on to explain that we should not leave any answers blank because we would "not be penalized for guessing." What? How in the world is that possible? The only way NOT to be penalized for guessing is to guess right. I guarantee you, if you guess wrong, you WILL be penalized. Duh! I think they just tell us that to keep us from leaving any answers blank, but come on people! Do we really fall for that?
Unfortunately, many people are falling for that lie daily...even Christians. We think if we're not sure about the truths of God's Word, it's ok to guess. Well guess what? It's NOT! Whole world religions, cults, false beliefs, etc. are based on the premise that it's ok to guess. If you're not sure, that's alright, God won't penalize you for guessing, as long as you're sincere about it. WRONG! If you guess wrong, you have everything to lose. That's a pretty big gamble with your eternity. Better hope you guess right.
The beauty of Christianity is that although it definitely calls for an element of faith, we have the Holy Spirit to grant us the assurance that we are not guessing. Jesus said, "if you hold to my teachings, you are really my disciples. Then you will KNOW the Truth and the Truth will make you free" (John 8:31-32). The same apostle who recorded those words of Jesus later writes a letter to some fellow believers encouraging them that they can KNOW that they have eternal life. He says, "And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may KNOW that you have eternal life" (I John 5:11-13).
We don't have to guess. We can KNOW. Now let's remember the words to the song we sang in Metro Thursday night. "All of life comes down to just one thing. That's to KNOW you, O Jesus, and to make you KNOWN." Anyone who doesn't KNOW will be penalized for guessing. Let's strive to eliminate the guesswork for them by making Him KNOWN by our words and actions.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
What Happens if I Fail?
So, I was sitting in Starbucks yesterday studying for my big test on Saturday. I had just taken a break from the "Nature and Needs of Gifted and Talented Students" to catch up a little on my Bible study, "Believing God," when in walked a scantily clad woman who proceeded to the counter to order. She came and sat at the next table over, her top designed to show off her endowment/enhancement, whichever the case may be. I didn't think much of it, just contined studying the faith of Isaac and Joseph. A few moments later, Miss E/E was joined by a friend in much more modest workout attire.
They sat and talked and giggled a little. Suddenly, the thought crossed my mind, "those girls need Jesus." I shoved the thought back in my mind and continued my study which was asking me to apply the faith of our fathers to my own life there in the workbook. It took me a second to realize that the voice I had heard was not my own, but the Holy Spirit. I froze. My heart started beating faster and I sat there...I knew God wanted me to talk to them. The next thought was, "I do have some tracts in my bag." I tried to keep studying while praying, "God, if you want me to talk to them, open a door for conversation or something." What a faithless prayer! God obviously wanted me to talk to them! Why wouldn't He? These girls needed Jesus! And there I sat, with the Truth at my fingertips and even in my head...yes, I've been trained multiple times in evangelism. I know all the verses and even some extras that go with tough questions. So, why was I stuck there like a bump on a log hoarding the Truth to myself? I started praying for their souls, that God would speak to them and let them know their need for Him, but I was too scared to share it with them myself.
After about 10 minutes of agonizing over my fear of striking up a conversation with strangers, Miss E/E got up and left, accidentally bumping into a guy who had his back to her. He took the opportunity to watch her retreating form, much to the amusement of Miss Workout who was still sitting near me. I caught her eye and shared an amused smile...perfect door. But did I say anything? No, I was still praying for an "opening." Right away, Miss Workout got up and left. My heart sank. I had failed.
So, now what? I pray for forgiveness. I pray for another chance. I pray for the courage and boldness not to fail the next time. I keep praying for the souls of these two girls. I know God is bigger than my failures, but I missed out on the blessing of being used by Him...that's what happens when I fail. I could sit here and wallow in my failure and allow the enemy to convince me that I am totally unfit for Kingdom work. Instead of bemoaning my cowardice, however, I choose to remember the times I haven't shrunk back and God has used me (Heb 10:38). I go on in the strength of those victories remembering that I am not alone and that my struggle is not against flesh and blood...and I ask God to please redeem this situation by giving me an extra measure of boldness so that I will not fail again.
So, I was sitting in Starbucks yesterday studying for my big test on Saturday. I had just taken a break from the "Nature and Needs of Gifted and Talented Students" to catch up a little on my Bible study, "Believing God," when in walked a scantily clad woman who proceeded to the counter to order. She came and sat at the next table over, her top designed to show off her endowment/enhancement, whichever the case may be. I didn't think much of it, just contined studying the faith of Isaac and Joseph. A few moments later, Miss E/E was joined by a friend in much more modest workout attire.
They sat and talked and giggled a little. Suddenly, the thought crossed my mind, "those girls need Jesus." I shoved the thought back in my mind and continued my study which was asking me to apply the faith of our fathers to my own life there in the workbook. It took me a second to realize that the voice I had heard was not my own, but the Holy Spirit. I froze. My heart started beating faster and I sat there...I knew God wanted me to talk to them. The next thought was, "I do have some tracts in my bag." I tried to keep studying while praying, "God, if you want me to talk to them, open a door for conversation or something." What a faithless prayer! God obviously wanted me to talk to them! Why wouldn't He? These girls needed Jesus! And there I sat, with the Truth at my fingertips and even in my head...yes, I've been trained multiple times in evangelism. I know all the verses and even some extras that go with tough questions. So, why was I stuck there like a bump on a log hoarding the Truth to myself? I started praying for their souls, that God would speak to them and let them know their need for Him, but I was too scared to share it with them myself.
After about 10 minutes of agonizing over my fear of striking up a conversation with strangers, Miss E/E got up and left, accidentally bumping into a guy who had his back to her. He took the opportunity to watch her retreating form, much to the amusement of Miss Workout who was still sitting near me. I caught her eye and shared an amused smile...perfect door. But did I say anything? No, I was still praying for an "opening." Right away, Miss Workout got up and left. My heart sank. I had failed.
So, now what? I pray for forgiveness. I pray for another chance. I pray for the courage and boldness not to fail the next time. I keep praying for the souls of these two girls. I know God is bigger than my failures, but I missed out on the blessing of being used by Him...that's what happens when I fail. I could sit here and wallow in my failure and allow the enemy to convince me that I am totally unfit for Kingdom work. Instead of bemoaning my cowardice, however, I choose to remember the times I haven't shrunk back and God has used me (Heb 10:38). I go on in the strength of those victories remembering that I am not alone and that my struggle is not against flesh and blood...and I ask God to please redeem this situation by giving me an extra measure of boldness so that I will not fail again.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Will There be a Test Over This?
One of the most frustrating questions a teacher gets asked by students is "Will there be a test over this?" as if we were just telling them stuff for fun, not to actually educate them. My answer usually goes something like this, "No, I just thought y'all would be interested in conjugating irregular stem-changing verbs in the preterite, so I decided to put some up on the board for you" (I teach Spanish).
Despite my frustration with such questions, I've found myself doing the same thing to God. Have you ever noticed that when God wants to teach you something, you hear it over and over again from different sources in a short period of time? The pastor's sermon will be about that, then also the Sunday school lesson, then you'll read something on your own or a friend will call and say something similar. It's like "Ok, God, I'm listening!!"
But, then I'm always surprised when He puts what He's teaching me to the test. Lately He's been working on me in the areas of faith and contentment. No, actually, contentment isn't the right word. He wants me to have joy in the circumstances in which He's placed me and trust Him for everything. I've been learning how truly small my faith actually is. It's scary, in fact. Sunday school this week, my small group Bible study, a book I just read, several conversations with friends and this morning, an e-mail forward from Granddaddy have all been saying the same thing: "Trust Me."
Ok, God, I will trust you...but, will there be a test over this?
One of the most frustrating questions a teacher gets asked by students is "Will there be a test over this?" as if we were just telling them stuff for fun, not to actually educate them. My answer usually goes something like this, "No, I just thought y'all would be interested in conjugating irregular stem-changing verbs in the preterite, so I decided to put some up on the board for you" (I teach Spanish).
Despite my frustration with such questions, I've found myself doing the same thing to God. Have you ever noticed that when God wants to teach you something, you hear it over and over again from different sources in a short period of time? The pastor's sermon will be about that, then also the Sunday school lesson, then you'll read something on your own or a friend will call and say something similar. It's like "Ok, God, I'm listening!!"
But, then I'm always surprised when He puts what He's teaching me to the test. Lately He's been working on me in the areas of faith and contentment. No, actually, contentment isn't the right word. He wants me to have joy in the circumstances in which He's placed me and trust Him for everything. I've been learning how truly small my faith actually is. It's scary, in fact. Sunday school this week, my small group Bible study, a book I just read, several conversations with friends and this morning, an e-mail forward from Granddaddy have all been saying the same thing: "Trust Me."
Ok, God, I will trust you...but, will there be a test over this?
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Outstanding Debt
I'm in charge of the sign up sheet for my sunday school class for the upcoming First Baptist Night at the Astros game. Today, I wrote the standard "Name, Phone, E-mail, Paid?" heading across the top of a piece of paper and began recruiting folks to go. When Jonathan signed up, he immediately pulled out his wallet to pay for his ticket saying "I don't like to be in debt." A great philosophy to have in life, though rare in our consumer driven nation. Upon taking his $6, I was reminded of Paul's instruction to the Romans,"let no debt remain outstanding except the continuing debt to love one another" (Rms 13:8).
What did Paul mean by that? Well, Jesus commanded His disciples to love one another as He had loved them (John 15:12) and went on to allude again to His death with the next statement that "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." Love is a command, therefore I find it interesting that Paul calls it an outstanding debt. By definition, a debt is something owed to someone in exchange for something else. So, if love is a debt, does that mean we only "owe" love to those who have something to give us in exchange? I don't think so...that would be inconsistent with the rest of Scripture. We're called to love those who can't do anything for us (for example, your "neighbor" may be someone like the man in the story of the great Samaritan who is robbed, beaten and lying on the side of the road...he can't do a thing to earn your love). So, here's what I'm proposing.
The Person to whom we owe the real debt of love is Christ Himself. While we're called to "love the Lord our God with all our hearts, souls, minds and strength," we're also called to "love our neighbors as ourselves." It's kindof a "pay it forward" idea. We can never love Jesus enough to repay Him for the Cross, so instead, we must love Him with everything we do have, then attempt to continue paying Him back, by paying that love forward to others. We're to go to our grave making deposits on our debt of love.
But all this is theoretical...stuff we know in our heads, but are less definite on how to make it play out. How do we pay this debt in practical ways? First, we need to ask God to give us opportunities to show love to others. We must pray for His heart for them to beat in us so that our attitude toward them is one of compassion and kindness, rather than frustration and impatience. We must ask for the ability to love...it's not something we can muster up on our own. Pray about it, open your eyes and your heart and then make your payments. At the same time, recognize that this debt will always be outstanding; you will never fully pay it back, but delight in the ability to pay toward it at all.
Oh, and one more thing...don't be afraid to be a recipient of someone else's deposit. It wouldn't be fair to cheat them out of the joy of making a payment!
I'm in charge of the sign up sheet for my sunday school class for the upcoming First Baptist Night at the Astros game. Today, I wrote the standard "Name, Phone, E-mail, Paid?" heading across the top of a piece of paper and began recruiting folks to go. When Jonathan signed up, he immediately pulled out his wallet to pay for his ticket saying "I don't like to be in debt." A great philosophy to have in life, though rare in our consumer driven nation. Upon taking his $6, I was reminded of Paul's instruction to the Romans,"let no debt remain outstanding except the continuing debt to love one another" (Rms 13:8).
What did Paul mean by that? Well, Jesus commanded His disciples to love one another as He had loved them (John 15:12) and went on to allude again to His death with the next statement that "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." Love is a command, therefore I find it interesting that Paul calls it an outstanding debt. By definition, a debt is something owed to someone in exchange for something else. So, if love is a debt, does that mean we only "owe" love to those who have something to give us in exchange? I don't think so...that would be inconsistent with the rest of Scripture. We're called to love those who can't do anything for us (for example, your "neighbor" may be someone like the man in the story of the great Samaritan who is robbed, beaten and lying on the side of the road...he can't do a thing to earn your love). So, here's what I'm proposing.
The Person to whom we owe the real debt of love is Christ Himself. While we're called to "love the Lord our God with all our hearts, souls, minds and strength," we're also called to "love our neighbors as ourselves." It's kindof a "pay it forward" idea. We can never love Jesus enough to repay Him for the Cross, so instead, we must love Him with everything we do have, then attempt to continue paying Him back, by paying that love forward to others. We're to go to our grave making deposits on our debt of love.
But all this is theoretical...stuff we know in our heads, but are less definite on how to make it play out. How do we pay this debt in practical ways? First, we need to ask God to give us opportunities to show love to others. We must pray for His heart for them to beat in us so that our attitude toward them is one of compassion and kindness, rather than frustration and impatience. We must ask for the ability to love...it's not something we can muster up on our own. Pray about it, open your eyes and your heart and then make your payments. At the same time, recognize that this debt will always be outstanding; you will never fully pay it back, but delight in the ability to pay toward it at all.
Oh, and one more thing...don't be afraid to be a recipient of someone else's deposit. It wouldn't be fair to cheat them out of the joy of making a payment!
Sunday, July 16, 2006
I'm Independent!
Granddaddy got a new scooter. Many of my friends have heard all about this recent grasp for independence including how he went behind all of our backs to order the thing online, despite the fact that several family members had advised him against it. Then once it arrived, he decided that he didn't need to stay on the sidewalk (it was too bumpy), the street is much better...never mind that the scooter goes a whopping 6mph max. Anyway, we've had several talks about the scooter and where it's safe to ride, etc, etc. I did make him promise me that he would wait until I could go with him the first time he took it for a spin, which he did, only because by a stroke of Providence, the scooter arrived minus its all-important seat and in the meantime, I got back into town and "happened to be home" the day the missing part arrived. We took it down to the church (his primary desired destination)...him driving his 6mph and me jogging alongside. On the way home, he got disoriented and lost his street, then passed his house (this didn't foster much confidence in me),but we managed. Also, I had to take him to the bicycle shop to get an obnoxious horn, a bright orange flag and reflective triangle stickers so he could be somewhat safer out there.
It occurs to me that we do the same thing as Granddaddy in our spiritual lives. We run ahead of God, making our decisions despite what we're told in Scripture and ignoring the warnings of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. We assert our "independence" by choosing to ride on the "smoother street" because the sidewalks of life are too bumpy. We lose our way home because we get so caught up in the world that we forget what home looks like and we drive right past it.
It's ironic that even with all this "independence" Granddaddy's scooter brings him, I still had to take him to the store for scooter parts and I had to show him the way home the first time he went out on it. Independence is a farce, an illusion...it's the enemy telling us that we don't need God, we can maneuver through life just fine on our own. We can put on our little horn and flag and reflective stickers and we'll be safe from all the speeding, unheeding cars out there with which we're so determined to share the road.
The most freeing thing a Christian can do is not to assert his independence, but to recognize his utter dependence. This is what Christ meant when He said "Apart from me, you can do nothing" (John 15:5b). In fact, that whole chapter of John's gospel is about our sole dependence on Christ for everything. Stop believing the lie that you can be independent and start resting on the glorious fact that dependence means you're not in charge of the outcome...you only have to be faithful in the day-to-day. Rest on what Christ has done for you on the Cross and trust in the Lord with all your heart, not in your own understanding. Celebrate dependence! It means Someone who knows much better than you is taking care of you!
Oh, and please pray for my Granddaddy not to get lost or fall off that crazy thing somewhere between home and church.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Forgotten Fruit
I read a devotional this morning on the fruits of the Spirit. It was cool because Pastor Gregg also mentioned them this Sunday in his sermon, so they were fresh on my mind, meaning God is trying to hammer something home with me. So, after reading the devotional and doing a little thinking, I headed out for a walk so I could have fresh air to go along with my thoughts. (I find that sometimes I think better outside.)
As I walked and thought, I went through each fruit of the Spirit individually, considering what it would look like to have each trait. Some of them were easier than others. I mean, we're Christians, so we're always talking about Love and Joy and Peace and the dreaded Patience, but then there's also Kindness and Goodness. We don't talk about those as much. And what about Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control?
Kindness. It seems almost old-fashioned. "She's kind." "He's such a kind man." No one talks like that anymore. I remember learning the verse as a child in Sunday school, "Be ye kind, one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another. Just as in Christ, God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32" So, is kindness, the idea old-fashioned or just the term? What exactly does Paul mean when he says kindness is a fruit of the Spirit? How does kindness differ from love or gentleness? Certainly they're interrelated.
Goodness is also kindof a "forgotten fruit," though it's taught constantly, especially to children and teenagers, but in a disguised manner. A person whose life is abandoned to the Spirit of God will be someone who can be defined as "good." Hollywood has made goodness almost despicable or at the very least naive. The good girl is homely and the good guy is a nerd. Being good just isn't any fun, according to the world's standards. But Paul lists it at one of the signs that a person is living by the Spirit. Hmmm...interesting.
I'll have to mull a little more on the last three, so I'll save those for a future blog entry. Let me know what you think.
I read a devotional this morning on the fruits of the Spirit. It was cool because Pastor Gregg also mentioned them this Sunday in his sermon, so they were fresh on my mind, meaning God is trying to hammer something home with me. So, after reading the devotional and doing a little thinking, I headed out for a walk so I could have fresh air to go along with my thoughts. (I find that sometimes I think better outside.)
As I walked and thought, I went through each fruit of the Spirit individually, considering what it would look like to have each trait. Some of them were easier than others. I mean, we're Christians, so we're always talking about Love and Joy and Peace and the dreaded Patience, but then there's also Kindness and Goodness. We don't talk about those as much. And what about Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control?
Kindness. It seems almost old-fashioned. "She's kind." "He's such a kind man." No one talks like that anymore. I remember learning the verse as a child in Sunday school, "Be ye kind, one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another. Just as in Christ, God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32" So, is kindness, the idea old-fashioned or just the term? What exactly does Paul mean when he says kindness is a fruit of the Spirit? How does kindness differ from love or gentleness? Certainly they're interrelated.
Goodness is also kindof a "forgotten fruit," though it's taught constantly, especially to children and teenagers, but in a disguised manner. A person whose life is abandoned to the Spirit of God will be someone who can be defined as "good." Hollywood has made goodness almost despicable or at the very least naive. The good girl is homely and the good guy is a nerd. Being good just isn't any fun, according to the world's standards. But Paul lists it at one of the signs that a person is living by the Spirit. Hmmm...interesting.
I'll have to mull a little more on the last three, so I'll save those for a future blog entry. Let me know what you think.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
(Summer)Time's A'wastin' Have you heard that new Kenny Chesney song (I'm assuming it's new since I haven't listened to the radio much lately) called "Sweet Summertime"? It's all about how fun summer is for kids out of school...the freedom, hanging out with friends, etc. It's totally a feel-good song. Anyway, I woke up this morning thinking about all the things I told myself I'd do this summer and decided it was a good topic for another blog entry. As I mulled over what to say, that song came to mind. As a school teacher, summertime holds much of the same sentiment as the song...thoughts of freedom, time to relax and not worry about work. I usually go on a couple of mission trips or youth camps, hang with my family and try to visit friends, but I also make these grand resolutions to excercise and read my Bible more or memorize some of it. I have books I want to get read (or even books I'd love to write), but for some reason, summertime slips away and I don't seem to get these things done. I've travelled, hiked, boated and jet skiied, played around with friends, old and new, but here it is, the last few days of June, meaning summertime is about half over and I haven't spent more time with God, I've probably spent less. So, what does that mean? I think it indicates that when we have more time, we waste more time. I manage time better when I have less of it to work with. Is anyone else that way? How about my fellow teachers? Is any of this ringing a bell (not a school bell, thank goodness!!!)?
Sunday, June 11, 2006
GuatemalaI've heard it said that describing a mission trip to folks back home is kindof like trying to give a haircut through the mail. It's so hard to explain to people what God did and what you learned and experienced when on the field. But, they always ask and of course, those who've prayed and given money for you to go deserve to know how things went. So, here goes my attempt to tell you about my trip to Guatemala.
One of the main things God did in me personally was challenge me to live more by faith and less by sight. When we were there, we worked with several schools in which teachers from the US were serving as missionaries. I was amazed at the simplicity with which they explained their various paths to Guatemala. Three of them had been drawn back there after a mission trip they had taken with their respective church groups. Nancy and Stacy had committed to at least 2 years there. Maureen was there indefinitely. Rebecca was there as a career missionary running a school with her husband and Laura had just married a local Guatemalan man and is there for however long the Lord leads. It struck me that I could do something like. Back in college, I surrendered my life to whatever "mission" God had for me. So far, that has been America's public and sometimes private schools. But, I'm getting out of debt at the end of this school year, so who knows?? I'm challenged to be willing to join God's work in this beautiful Central American country.
Another challenge came on the day we went to the park to share our faith with the people. It was a Sunday afternoon and the plaza was packed. It was raining on and off, so every once in a while, everyone would make a mad dash for cover. As we hung out with these people, several members of our group struck up conversations (through translators) and many of them led folks to faith in Christ. My partner and I shared with a few people as well, but I didn't have the success of some of the others. Partly because I didn't go in there with faith in the Lord's power to speak through me. I went in with dread and fear of "bothering people." I am challenged to be more bold and trust God more with witnessing opportunities.
One of the places I did feel the Lord use me was in a small church nestled in the heart of gang warfare. It was in one of the colonias that is known for it's roughness. I was asked to speak a few minutes to a group of young people about their friendships and sticking together as Christians where they lived. As I stood up to speak, God just gave me the words to say and even reminded me of an illustration or two from my own life. My Spanish was better than ever because God was helping me say the right words. It was amazing to see their faces and know I was connecting.
So there you have it. What God did in Guatemala, in me and through you. Thanks for praying and giving. Remember, you don't have to go to a foreign country to experience the same things or face the same challenges. Ask God where He wants to use you, then obey. The blessings will follow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
