What's Wrong with Nirvana?
(not the singing group...we're not going there...)

The other night, I was having dinner with a teacher friend of mine at Freebirds (yum) and we we were talking about the Christian life and how difficult it can be at times. She mentioned Nirvana and how Buddhism has a pretty interesting way of looking at desire and how it should be handled. She made a point to say that Buddhism is not a religion, but a way of life. I hadn't thought of that before, but at the same time, if you think about it, Christianity is both a religion and a way of life. In fact, most religions are a way of life...or at least a set of guidelines by which to live life. I think Buddhism is also both a religion and a way of life.

But, that's actually an afterthought to the conversation we were having. While we were talking, my immediate thought with regard to Nirvana is that it falls short of dealing with the entire human experience. In essence, it throws the baby out with the bath water. I know it has to do with eliminating desires and it's goal is to reach a level of absence of feelings and escape the pain that comes from unfulfilled desires (Very reminiscent of the advice Yoda gave young Anakin with regard to his love for Padme).

However, not being a Buddhist, I don't really know that much about the idea of Nirvana, so I decided to read up a little more, so I could write from an informed perspective rather than an ignorant one. Here's what I discovered. There's a lot of gibberish surrounding definitions of the concept and a lot more terms that would have to be defined in order to even begin to understand what in the world they're talking about. Here's the opening paragraph from Wikipedia's article on Nirvana. It's the best synopsis I've found so far:

[Nirvana] is a mode of being that is free from mind-contaminants (Kilesa) such as lust, anger or craving. It is thus a state of great inner peace and contentment - the end of suffering, or Dukkha. The Buddha in the Dhammapada says of Nirvana that it is "the highest happiness." This is not the transitory, sense-based happiness of everyday life, but rather an enduring, transcendental happiness integral to the calmness attained through enlightenment.

Here are my thoughts. As I was saying earlier, Nirvana throws the baby out with the bathwater. What I mean is that in order to get rid of the natural desires of the flesh, one would also have to give up the joy involved in the fulfillment of those desires. I don't believe God made us to be stoics (another philosophy involving the abandonment of desire). He made us in His image, with feelings. He made us male and female and He designed us for relationships. Yes, sin came into the world and brought with it pain and suffering, but although it marred the image of God in man, it did not eliminate it. The goal of attaining enlightenment seems to me to be an utterly selfish one in which relationships, as well as desires, would have to be sacrificed. While we cannot seek to make ourselves happy solely through relationships with others, God did create us for a relationship with Him and it is only in restoring that relationship through the experience of salvation that we find the abundant life He intended for Adam and Eve.

Nirvana seeks to get rid of pain by getting rid of desire, but the problem with that is that pain is also part of the human experience and serves a very real and in the long run, welcome, purpose of making us stronger, more mature, and better able to relate to others. Also, pain and suffering help us to long for Heaven, the true place of fulfillment.

Here are some additional thoughts of my friend Brant on the subject:
Some of the concepts about nirvana and Buddhism are so abstract, they are kind of hard to grasp. I read that Buddha, as a young kid, was sheltered from different kinds of suffering...people of old age...sickness...etc. At 29 years of age, he sought to find the origin of suffering and how it could be overcome. I guess the goal of Buddhism is to obtain the state of nirvana. In doing this, it involves getting rid of the desires which in the end lead to suffering. I agree with you in that setting a goal of nirvana is a selfish one. It reminds of some new age thoughts that are centered around "feeling good." I am also reminded of a saying I heard one time, "The worship service is not about giving you goose bumps! When you leave a service, you should not be concerned with how YOU feel, but how does God feel. Was he lifted up?" (paraphrase)
For a Christian, we are told in scripture that there will be persecution..suffering. There is no way to escape it. For some, it may be emotional suffering, but for some, such as persecuted believers and martyrs, there is actual physical suffering. Even though suffering may not be pleasant, it definitely has its place in a Christian's life. It reminds us of our weakness, teaches us about God, builds perserverance and helps us understand Christ's sacrifice. I found this passage Matt. 5:4..it says, "Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. " I look to our perfect example of how we should live...Jesus Christ...and how he suffered. It weird we can find enjoyment through suffereing for the cause, but its true.

What do you think?

Cry Out to Jesus

After dropping Granddaddy off at his church, I was headed back to the house to get ready to go to mine when I passed a house with an assortment of inflatable Christmas decorations...you know the six-foot Santa, the Christmas Merry-Go-Round and of course the giant Frosty. As I approached, I could tell Frosty was holding something in his hand, but I couldn't tell what it was until I got closer. It was a candy cane-outstretched like he was offering it to someone, only the air had seeped out and the candy cane was drooping, just like the real ones when they're broken in half, but still hanging on by the plastic wrapper. It hit me that sometimes we look like that to God. Holding out our broken lives saying "Here you go, God. It's broken, but it's all I've got."

When I was a child, there was a song by the Gaithers that I loved called "Give Them All." I can't remember all the words, but the chorus went something like this,

Give them all,
Give them all
Give them all to Jesus.
Shattered dreams
Wounded hearts
And broken toys.
Give them all
Give them all
Give them all to Jesus,
And He will turn
Your sorrows
Into joys.

I was too young to understand the shattered dreams and wounded hearts part, but I got the broken toys. Now that I'm older, the toys aren't so much what I mourn, but the disappointments in life make me feel like that inflatable Frosty holding out my droopy candy cane saying, "God, can you fix it, or better yet, can I have a new one?"

The problem of pain exists and it's not getting better this side of Heaven. We're all victims, 100%, of the pain, sorrow and frustration that plagues humanity and while we may be aware that the ultimate cause is sin, and that we live in a fallen world, it's hard to find comfort in that. The only way to find comfort is to bring our sorrows to the Cross.

We often think of the Cross as only a place to get our sins forgiven and have our way paid to Heaven, but the truth is that not only was our redemption purchased there, but all the effects of sin were washed away there. We can have peace in the midst of trouble if we take our anxieties to Christ. Even if the sorrow is our own doing and we have failed miserably, God can redeem our biggest failures and make something beautiful come of them.

So many books and songs have been written addressing this very situation of humanity. The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis; Where's God When it Hurts by Philip Yancey; When God Doesn't Make Sense by James Dobson...and the list goes on.

The CD in my car's stereo right now has a song by Third Day called "Cry out to Jesus." It says no matter your situation, whether you are sad because of a tragic death, stuck in a marriage that isn't working out, fighting an addiction that won't let go or just plain lonely, the answer is to cry out to Jesus.

So, if you're feeling like Frosty with your broken candy cane of a life and there seems to be no light at the end of your tunnel, I pray you'll cry out to Jesus and let Him turn your sorrows into joys.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

React or Respond?

Have you ever accidentally stepped on a dog's tail? You get one of two reactions: 1) a yelp of pain (usually followed by a whimper as the pain subsides), or 2) a snap of anger (also a reaction to pain). When a dog yelps, it's not because he is mad; it's because he is hurt. When he snaps, it's not because he is mean; it's because he is hurt.

We as humans are more in control of our reactions at times than animals, but in a way, we are just like them. When someone steps on our pride or our feelings, we often react with a raw emotion such as anger or hurt, which causes us to either yelp in pain and retreat to lick our wounds or lash out in anger and seek to inflict similar pain in retaliation.

As we've been learning in Sunday school lately, there are actually three wrong responses to conflict: 1) attack-speak out in justification/lash out in retaliation; 2) retreat-run away from the person/situation (avoidance); or 3) surrender-cower to that person/situation and let it control you or have its way. None of these really solves the problem, in fact, they usually complicate and prolong it.

But, then there is a higher way. It is the way Christ exemplified for us while on this earth. He encountered conflict all the time and He always knew how to handle the situation. Sometimes He did speak out in righteous anger. Other times, He compassionately opened the eyes of the attacker to allow them to see the reason behind their attack. And still other times, He simply walked away from the situation knowing "His time had not yet come."

The problem is training yourself to take that higher road. And even more challenging is learning to discern which response is most appropriate in each circumstance. How can we do this? I think the answer lies in staying closely connected to Christ. The more we study His Word and examine what Christ did, analyzing His words and actions for the sake of emulating them, the better chance we have of correctly identifying the situation and responding to it as He would do or as He would have us do. One of the keys is learning not to react immediately, but to check your pride and take a step back to give yourself time to correctly respond.

We're all human and God's not finished with us yet. We have times when we are hurt and our flesh takes over and we react. Maturity is when those times become less and less frequent and more often than not, you do begin to take the higher road.

React or Respond? (Part II)

This was on My Yahoo! homepage today:
Word of the Day
Information provided by Petersons.com
adversity
DEFINITION: (noun) a state or condition that is contrary to one of well-being.

EXAMPLE: It's easy to be patient and generous when things are going well; a person's true character is revealed under adversity.

I thought it fitting and slightly ironic, though certainly not coincidental, that I saw this word after I posted the above.

Oh, one more addendum:
Another source of reaction rather than response is fear. Fear of how that person views you. Fear that they might be right. Fear of being hurt again. Fear of not being able to control them or the situation. Yeah, fear's not so good, but according to the Scripture, there is no fear in love because perfect love casts out fear. So, if we recognize we are wholly and dearly loved by Christ and if we recognize that our attacker is as well, then we are more able to respond rather than react.

Ok, that's all I have to say about that.

A Good Road?

David Livingstone was a missionary to Africa, one of the first of his kind. He went where no British, in fact, no white man had ever gone. Originally, a doctor, Livingstone made his way into the hearts of the people offering medical attention and solving problems of sanitation and unhealthy habits. Naturally curious and adventurous, Livingstone blazed trails mapping out the country and sending his findings back to Great Britian. He was the one who named Lake Victoria and Victoria Falls for the current queen of England. Today, statues and plaques can be found all over the continent honoring him as a beloved doctor and bearer of the Good News.

Once, while Dr. Livingstone was exploring new territory and discovering new people groups, he received a letter from the British Missionary Society telling him that if he had found a good road to where he was, they would send more men to help him. He wrote back with this message, "If the men you have to send will only come if there is a good road, they are not the men I want. I only want men who are willing to come where there is no road at all."

When my pastor quoted this letter in church today, it hit me that I don't know which kind of 'man' I am. Am I the type who only wants to go where there's a good road or am I willing to take the more difficult path into unknown territory and blaze a trail? Like the poem says, am I one who would take the "road less traveled?"

The Christian life that is safe and comfortable is usually also without fruit. It is those who live recklessly and passionately for God that see his hand move mightily through their lives. God did incredible, world-changing things through this Dr. Livingstone because he was one who did not need a good road. Are you?

Veterans' Day

If you're like me, when you hear the word 'veteran,' you think of old guys sitting around the VFW hall playing dominoes or one-legged men in wheelchairs holding cardboard signs at the intersections of large cities. But, it hit me recently that with the Gulf War in the 80's and the current War on Terror, there are veterans that are actually younger than I, in fact, my little brother is one.

Yep, that's right, my baby brother, two years younger than me, has fought in a war and now bears the title of veteran. That changes my perspective on this upcoming holiday. So, today in advisory period (aka- study hall), I had my students write thank you cards to the men and women who are currently fighting for our freedom and will hopefully come home with the title of veteran.

Not to downplay what these brave soldiers are doing, I can't help but think of the war we're all a part of as Christians. The Bible tells us that we are to engage in combat with the enemy, but the weapons of our warfare are not physical, but spiritual. We're to dress ourselves with the armor of God and take up the shield of faith and the Sword of the Spirit which is the Bible. We're to battle in prayer. We're to take back captives and free the prisoners by sharing our faith and admonishing or encouraging our brothers in their walks with God. In a way, if we are engaging in this battle, we too may bear the title of veteran.

So, this November 11, as you remember and honor those who have fought and are fighting for your freedom as an American, take a moment to think and pray about what contribution God would have you make to the spiritual war that goes on all around you. Check your gear and make sure you're protected and armed. Read Ephesians 6:10-18 and 2 Corinthians 10:3-4 and step up and join the fight.

Grateful and Better
(or perhaps more aptly titled, "No Longer Jealous and Bitter")

This is for all the people who read my previous post and are worried about me. :) I did that praying that I was talking about and also did some more thinking, spent some time with good Christian friends, listened to some Chris Tomlin and Third Day (two of my favorite artists), went to church and studied some Scripture.

Life is good. Like one of my friends said in a recent e-mail, I'm doing pretty well if my main problem in life is being single. I still haven't written that best-seller and I am still dateless, but God is good. Not just good, He's sufficient. Every day there is something new to thank God for. Whether it's simply the fact that you woke up this morning or something huge like finding out your book is being published or starting a new relationship; God is there. His presence is more desireable than any blessing He can give.

Like being with your friends...you don't want to be with them for the things they give you. You simply enjoy their company. That's how God's presence is. God is not a Cosmic vending machine. He is a friend of sinners. How amazing is that? If you got to visit the White House or eat lunch with a celebrity, you'd talk about it for months. But think about this-you get to hang out with the One who designed every tree and animal and the human body and the veins on the back of a leaf and the sunset over the Pacific. That's your God. And not only that, He's your friend.

So, if you were worried about me being jealous and bitter, know that I was just having a "moment." We all have those. It's what we do with them in life that determines who we are.

Jealous AND Bitter?

A girl from my old Sunday School class at Second Baptist just published a book. When I got the e-mail telling me about this new book, my instant response was jealousy. I've always wanted to write a book and have it published. And to top it off, her book is on the same topic as a book I've started, but never finished. I took note of my initial reaction, then decided to move past it and go ahead and read the first chapter which can be accessed online.

As I read, God used this girl to speak directly to my heart. It occurred to me that I'm starting to get bitter because life hasn't met my expectations. I feel like God has forgotten me because I'm still single. Sure, I can quote the Scriptures about God knowing the plans He has for me and not being anxious about anything, but praying about everything. I can spout all the pithy mantras about God's timing and using my singleness to its utmost potential. I can remind myself of all the blessings I do have and all the things I've gotten to do in my life so far.

I can counsel others on trusting God, but there are just those times when I get tired of waiting and feel left behind, like that time Mom thought Dad was picking me up from school and Dad thought Mom had me. I sat outside the gym until it started to get dark and finally a kind policeman stopped and took me home only to discover neither of them was there. I ended up at the police station waiting for them to get home and answer the phone to learn where I was. Aren't you glad we have cell phones now?

Well, anyway, I've got some praying to do. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to be jealous of my girl friends' success or happiness. I want to be able to say with Paul that "to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Phil 2:20). I want to be so much more anxious to get to heaven than to get down the aisle. I want to want Jesus more than a husband...not that I can get rid of the desire to be married. I believe that is God-given, but I want to give that desire its rightful place in my total mindset.

By the way, I do want to reccommend my friend's book. I think it could help others besides me.

Heresy, Blasphemy and Episode III

I was at a friend's house tonight watching Star Wars, Episode III and we were commenting on how New Age Yoda's instructions to Anakin Skywalker were. He told him that he needed to let go of all attachments and get rid of all feelings-love and hate, fear and anger in order to be a good Jedi Knight. Of course, if you've seen the movie, you know that Anakin doesn't follow Yoda's advice and ends up becoming Darth Vader after making some really dreadful decisions, thus seemingly proving Yoda right.

I was telling the others present that I don't like this Episode for that very reason. It's painful to watch someone with a dilemma like Skywalker's choose wrong, even if he thinks he's doing it for the right reasons.

Now, I know some of my friends out there in blog world may be shocked at my criticism of their beloved Star Wars, and may be even now accusing me of heresy, but that's ok. I do realize that everything works out in the end and Skywalker eventually does what is necessary to "bring balance to the Force," it's just sad that there are so many casualties along the way. Yeah, that's what's sad. But what's scary is the fact that so many people watch these movies and are unable to separate the drama and action from the philosophy and heresy woven throughout the six episodes.

Whether conciously or not, we can be affected by Yoda's advice to close ourselves off from attachments that could lead to painful experiences. We put up walls to protect ourselves from situations where we might get hurt or become angry. After all, look where it got Anakin. But, that's the gospel according to Yoda. Jesus says just the opposite, and the apostles John and Paul reiterate that we are to love one another; hate what is evil, cling to what is good; be angry, but do not sin; fear the Lord.

Can you imagine living in a world where we were told not to have emotions? That would make us more like droids than humans. Part of being created in the image of God is our ability to feel, to love, to express emotion. There is no Force to be balanced out with Nirvana-like removal of attachments. The world needs all the love we can give and God's power that is shown through His people fulfilling the purpose of the Church, is more amazing than any Jedi mind trick or use of the Force.

Letting down your walls and letting God love people through you almost certainly will expose you to painful situations, but consider the alternative-a life that is powerless and devoid of joy. Which would you choose?

Oops!

When I signed on to Yahoo! today, there was an article on the homepage about a casino owner in Vegas who accidentally poked a hole in an original Picasso painting he had just sold for $139 million! Of course, he did the right thing by releasing the buyer of his obligation to pay up on the damaged goods, but the story reminded me of how temporary this Earth and all its valuables really are.

For one thing, it amazes me that anyone would pay millions of dollars for a piece of cloth with paint on it. Who gets to say which paintings are more valuable than others? And now that the painting is no longer in perfect condition, how much is it worth? The guy's going to keep the painting and have it repaired, but would he ever be able to sell it now?

Aren't you glad that God doesn't treat us like that painting? We have supreme value because Jesus paid for us with His life, but what if God had decided we weren't worth anything anymore because we were "damaged goods" after the fall? When this life is over and all the Picasso's are burned up (along with all the other expensive stuff we spend too much money on), what will remain? We will. Man's soul will outlast all the art, all the technology, all the stuff. That should make us realize the value of people over everything else and it should challenge us to treat people as the supremely valuable creation that they are. Each individual life is worth infinite Picasso paintings.

That's why Jesus said "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also" (Matthew 6:19-21).

That treasure He's talking about is the souls that will be in heaven because you told them the truth about Christ. There's nothing else we can put in storage there. How awesome will it be to get to heaven and be greeted by our "treasure" in the form of people we made an eternal impact upon.

So, poor guy who ruined his Picasso painting. Let's pray he got a glimpse of the temporal nature of earthly things.

Forward Progress

It's football season. One of the only redeeming aspects of the NFL is getting to see your favorite college players take that step "up" and try to make it in the big arena. I put "up" in quotes because if you're like me, you prefer watching college ball over pro any day. So, it's time to don your favorite team's shirt and spend your Saturdays flipping between games revelling in the school spirit, the upsets and the victories, the huge plays and the "Hi Mom" signs that make up college football.

Now, even if you're not a fan, and you don't know much about the game, most people know that the goal is to get the football across the goal line to score a touchdown. Of course, there are other ways to score involving kicking, tackling in the opponents' end zone, etc., but the most common (and most effective pointwise) way to score is the touchdown. To get there, your team must make forward progress. Either by passing or running with it, the ball must get across that line.

The same goes with life. The goal is to win and the way to win is to score against the Enemy. To score against the Enemy, we must make forward progress.
Ways to score against the Enemy:
1) Surrender your life to Christ (salvation).
--John 10:10 says, "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly."
2) Surrender your life to be used by God
--I Corinthians 15:57-58 says, "But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, for you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."
--Romans 12:1-2 says, "I urge you therefore, to offer up your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God which is your spiritual act of worship. Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will know what God's will is-His good, pleasing and perfect will."
3) Through God's grace, conquer personal sin
--Ephesians 4:17-24 (Contemporary English Version) says,
17 As a follower of the Lord, I order you to stop living like stupid, godless people. 18 Their minds are in the dark, and they are stubborn and ignorant and have missed out on the life that comes from God. They no longer have any feelings about what is right, 19 and they are so greedy that they do all kinds of indecent things.
20-21 But that isn’t what you were taught about Jesus Christ. He is the truth, and you heard about him and learned about him. 22 You were told that your foolish desires will destroy you and that you must give up your old way of life with all its bad habits. 23 Let the Spirit change your way of thinking 24 and make you into a new person. You were created to be like God, and so you must please him and be truly holy.

There are many other ways to make forward progress in the Christian life, but these are a few of the big ones...the touchdowns, if you will.

One thing my pastor said on Sunday really hit home with me. He opened his sermon by saying that 3 steps forward and 2 steps back is still 1 step forward. Life is all about forward strides and setbacks. The problem is that so many of us focus on the 2 steps back and let them paralyze us rather than taking stock and realizing that hey, we just made forward progress. It may not have been much, but at least it was in the right direction.

In football, the defense is supposed to tackle the guy with the ball to keep him from going any farther forward. Sometimes they don't knock him down, but the ball is considered down because the defense has "stopped forward progress" by getting in the way of the player with the ball or pushing him backward. Don't let the Enemy stop your forward progress. He will point to your 2 steps back and discourage you saying, "you'll never get this Christian walk thing right. You might as well quit trying." When he does that, point to that step forward and remind him (and yourself) that you are already on the winning team.

Lonely in a Crowd

Starbucks is a great place to get some work done. Yesterday, I sat in my room all day and "worked" on papers that needed to be graded and recorded. I took frequent breaks to check my e-mail, surf the web or play a game on the computer. Not only that, but there was football on tv. I mean, I HAD to watch football, right? Needless to say, I didn't get much done. That meant that today was the day to finish up. So, after lunch, I grabbed my school bag and headed to the Starbucks. I mean, I was serious. With the help of a Grande Carmel Macciatto, those papers got graded in about two hours. Did I mention that I'd spent all day on them yesterday? Anyway, to the point of my story...

I finished up around 8:00pm, so I decided to go check out CityFest and see if things were still going on there. I found a great parking spot since a lot of folks with kids were leaving. As I wandered up to the main stage I started to feel really lonely. I was supposed to go with some girls from church, but that fell through. I made it to the stage right as Luis Palau was finishing his message. I realized if I'd come earlier, I could have helped out with decision counseling or something, but I hadn't been on the ball enough to sign up and show up.

So here I was, wandering through the crowd looking for familiar faces. I saw a few, but they were with significant others, so I kept walking. Chris Tomlin was about to go on, so I stuck around. As he started leading the crowd in worship, that lonely feeling intensified. Here were all these people with their friends and families around them worshipping God and I was all alone. I watched the people raising their hands, eyes closed, lost in the moment of worship and I thought this is what Heaven will be like, only without the loneliness and I can't wait for that day when I won't ever feel alone in a crowd again.

Then it hit me the words I was singing. "Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough for me." I was singing because I knew the words, but I wasn't really singing to God. I wasn't taking to heart the fact that even though I was there alone, I wasn't really alone and not only that, but the God who was there with me, in me, was enough for me. I won't tell you that I instantly felt good about being there alone. After all, God did design us for relationships, but I knew I would be ok and that even though I was experiencing a moment of loneliness, I was there for a reason. I needed to learn to lean on God's grace and find it enough for me in that moment. I stayed to the end and even bought a CD, then left still feeling alone, but knowing that no matter how lonely I feel, there will always be enough grace for me. I'm challenged as I struggle with my singleness and as I try to figure out God's purpose for my life, to turn those struggles and fears over to the only One who can meet my every need. His grace is enough...

"For the LORD is a sun and a shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Oh LORD almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you." Ps. 84:11-12

DIE-HARD ASTROS FANS ANONYMOUS

I went to get my haircut today and found a soulmate in Veronica, the hairdresser. I was overjoyed to find another girl out there who loves the Astros as much as I do and keeps on believing! There are two teachers in my lunch hour who are also abreast on the latest Astros news and can converse intelligently on the ins and outs of the team and the game. It's so refreshing to know I'm not alone.

It's also nice to know that there are some people out there who would never dream of taking my phone away just because I was checking the score. Those who would, and have, will remain nameless (unless it happens again) because they should feel the guilt.

NEVER STOP BELIEVING!!

Ouch, That Hurt!

Something happened recently that hurt my pride. I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say that I was not a happy camper. As I simmered in my frustration, I searched for the source of the pain. I could point to the situation and the people involved and blame them for it. I could go through all the details and the "if only's" that would have made things turn out more pleasantly for me.

But, instead, I asked God why I was so hurt. I was surprised with the answer. It occurred to me suddenly and alarmingly that I was hurt because I still had pride left in me to be hurt. I mean, if I were dead to self, this situation would not have affected me like it did. Am I on the right track here? What do you think? Is it possible to get to the point where your pride can't be hurt?

I Don't Remember a Thing...

You know it's funny...almost every time I tell someone I'm a Spanish teacher, they give me some form of the expression, "yeah, I took two years of Spanish in high school and I don't remember a thing."

Now, I could take that as a devaluation of my existence as a Spanish teacher, but then I remember Mr. Mahan, my 10th grade Geometry teacher. I remember very little of what he taught me. I couldn't tutor someone in the subject and I definitely couldn't teach it or use it as a career foundation, but there's something else Mr. Mahan did that I'll never forget...he valued me as a person. When I tore all the ligaments in my ankle the night before his final exam, I got up and went to school anyway, so I wouldn't let him down. I fell asleep in the middle of the exam (Codine will do that to ya') and he had the school call my mom to come pick me up. He told me not to worry about the test...I could make it up later. I don't remember Geometry, but I remember him. That's why I teach...not to make kids bilingual, but to make them better people.

I also remember Mrs. Kotis and Mrs. Christman. Now, these two teachers didn't value me as a person. They chose favorites and I wasn't one of them, and I knew it...they made sure I knew it. Maybe not intentionally or consciously, but with their snide comments and negative treatment, I felt their disfavor. That's why I teach...to make sure there's someone out there counteracting the Mrs. Kotises and the Mrs. Christmans. I pray I never make a kid feel the way those two women made me feel.

It doesn't matter if my students ever use their Spanish outside of class or if they remember anything I taught them when they get to be 20 or 30 years old. What matters is if they remember that Miss Turner valued them as a person, so maybe, just maybe it's ok to value themselves. That's why I teach.

Losing Your Appetite

I was watching a cheesy chick flick called Raising Helen (wonderful way to spend a lame Friday night alone) and it hit me that the big churchy word sanctification is really just about losing your appetite. Before you go, "huh? Karla's lost it," let me attempt to explain.

The movie is about a beautiful, young, successful New Yorker named Helen who is the top assistant to the owner of a premiere modeling agency. She has everything going for her until her sister and brother-in-law die and leave her with three kids ages 5-15 to raise. At the risk of ruining the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it, things don't go so well and Helen ends up giving the kids over to her other sister and attempts to go back to her old lifestyle. But something has happened to her. She has lost her appetite for the clubs and parties and fancy things that used to define her life. She's discovered how much being a "mom" means and how important those kids are to her. While they were with her, she met a Lutheran pastor (the kids' principal) who helped her see that life's not all about her, not just about fashion and fun.

Of course, the movie isn't evangelistic, but it does give a good picture of what happens to a person when they die to self. When we become Christians, we are accepting the headship of Christ over our lives so that we no longer live for ourselves. And as we grow closer to Him, in relationship to Christ, we lose our appetite for sin.

The apostle John put it this way in 1 John 3:6, "No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him." What I think John is saying is that if you don't start to lose your appetite for sin, then you probably don't have a good relationship with Christ because knowing Him will change your desires. Sure, it takes time and some people really struggle with surrender, but eventually, you look back and say "wow, those things I used to enjoy so much don't seem fun anymore." The closer you are to Christ, the more you find joy in the things that bring Him pleasure and glory. You realize that the world's idea of "fun" is really empty and meaningless...a chasing after the wind.

So, think about it. Are you losing your appetite for the things of the world? Do vapid songs, movies and tv shows leave you unsatisfied? Are you less and less inclined to invest your time in things that are temporary and more inclined to spend it on things that are eternal? If not, think about where you are with God. Listen to what Paul says to the church in Corinth, "Brothers, I could not addess you as spiritual, but as worldly, mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed you are still not ready. You are still worldly" (1 Cor. 3:1-3). Isn't that sad? Don't let that be you. Beg for new cravings. Beg to lose your appetite.

Bring It On!

It's that time again...school. My district starts pretty late compared to the school districts around us, but not as late as other parts of the country... they won't be going back for another week or two.

I'm not ready. Mentally-I'm getting there. Physically-I need to get back on track with my sleep schedule. Emotionally-kicking and screaming!! Spiritually...well, I told a teacher friend of mine at church today that I need a serious attitude check. This is a spiritual thing. God put me in the classroom for a reason. He wants me there...He wants to use me there. So, why am I so resistant to be there?

It sounds so spiritual and holy to say that I'd rather be on the mission field until I remind myself, I am on the mission field. America's public schools are as closed to the gospel as Eastern Europe before the fall of the Iron Curtain. Now, the consequences for breaking the law are very different (so far, no American teacher has had to suffer like the missionaries and martyrs who bring the gospel to Communist countries), but the enemy is definitely attempting to close the school doors to the gospel as Christian teachers are strictly warned not to "proselytize" in school or to use their position of authority as a platform for their faith.

So, what can I do as a Christian public school teacher? I can pray for my students. I can set a godly example for them. I can live my life in a way that makes them ask me what's different about me (if they ask, we're allowed to tell them). I can seek out Christian students and encourage them to share their faith because they're allowed to say things we aren't. I can sponsor a Christian club like Student Venture, FCA or Young Life, letting my students know that I am a Christian by my support of those organizations. I can be there for them.

This is bigger than me. It's bigger than any of us. This is a God-sized task, so thank God He's the One who's going to be doing the work...I just have to be willing to be used by Him.

So, tomorrow, when that bell rings and my new students come filing into my classroom, my mission begins anew. I may not want to go back to school, but I do want to glorify God with my life, so here's my chance. Bring it on!

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ... Pray that I may proclaim it clearly as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:2-6

Demoralization

Some of you girls out there may have already heard this if you've done the Beth Moore study "Believing God," but something she said in the video segment I watched online today hit me square between the eyes and I felt like I should share it with the readers and lurkers in BlogWorld. God, through Beth, gave me the 2x4 treatment today (you know, when God hits you upside the head with a 2x4 and it changes your life forever?). Here's what He said:

Demoralization is when the enemy figures out what you most fear that you are and sets about to confirm it.

When those words came out of Beth's mouth, I could feel God saying to me, "that's what you're letting happen to you. You fear you are a bad teacher, a lazy bum, an unlovable failure because you're still single...those are the lies Satan is convincing you are true, but they're not true. Here is what's true. You are mine. You are loved. You can do all things through Christ's strength in you. You have gifts and blessings that I have uniquely given you that I want to uniquely use to further my Kingdom."

How is Satan trying to demoralize you? What is it you most fear you are? Well, don't believe it.

Does that mean that there's not room for growth in those areas of my life and yours? Of course not. We all have room for growth and those things we fear most about ourselves are probably the areas where we need to grow most. But if we will give them to God and say, "I fear this about me, but I trust you with that fear and I'm yours," God will take that fear and give us the greatest victory in those very areas...and I venture to say, it will be so miraculous that you will not be able to explain it any other way than that it was the hand of God.

Don't let the enemy demoralize you. I imagine it's not any harder for you than it was for me to know immediately what I feared most I was. Give it to God. Then believe what God's Word says about you.

It's summed up in Ephesians 1:3-7.
v.3-you are BLESSED with every spiritual blessing
v.4-you are CHOSEN before the creation of the world
v.5-you are ADOPTED as His son (or daughter)
v.6-you are ACCEPTED as He freely gives us His glorious grace
v.7-you are REDEEMED through His blood
v.7-you are FORGIVEN of your sins and lavished with His grace.

Most importantly, verse 4 says that we were chosen in love. God chose you because He loves you...not because He just wants to reform you like some warden in a correctional facility. He wants to renew your mind, refresh your spirit, redeem your life, because He loves you.

You are LOVED.

Believe who God says you are, not who you fear you are.

If You're Not Sure...

Well, the big test is over. I had five hours to take a 70 question test, which of course only took and hour and a half, but I'm sure some people stayed to the bitter end. Not me! I was outta there as soon as I'd bubbled in #70 on my answer document.

Speaking of bubbling in answers, I was reading Page 1 in my test booklet, as instructed by the test administrator, which of course had all the mumbo jumbo about the test length, rules, instructions, etc. etc. The sample question was the first thing that took me by surprise. It read,

"What is the capital of Texas?"
a. Dallas
b. San Antonio
c. Austin
d. El Paso

Page 1 then proceeded to inform us of the correct answer and instuct us on how to bubble in the answer, complete with a picture in case we weren't sure. Mind you, this test is for teachers and future teachers of Gifted and Talented children. I'm sorry, but if we can't bubble answers by now, we have no business educating the future of America, much less the "gifted" future of America. The test itself was actually pretty tough, which further added to the irony of such explicit instructions.

If that weren't enough to amuse, amaze and sadden me, Page 1 then went on to explain that we should not leave any answers blank because we would "not be penalized for guessing." What? How in the world is that possible? The only way NOT to be penalized for guessing is to guess right. I guarantee you, if you guess wrong, you WILL be penalized. Duh! I think they just tell us that to keep us from leaving any answers blank, but come on people! Do we really fall for that?

Unfortunately, many people are falling for that lie daily...even Christians. We think if we're not sure about the truths of God's Word, it's ok to guess. Well guess what? It's NOT! Whole world religions, cults, false beliefs, etc. are based on the premise that it's ok to guess. If you're not sure, that's alright, God won't penalize you for guessing, as long as you're sincere about it. WRONG! If you guess wrong, you have everything to lose. That's a pretty big gamble with your eternity. Better hope you guess right.

The beauty of Christianity is that although it definitely calls for an element of faith, we have the Holy Spirit to grant us the assurance that we are not guessing. Jesus said, "if you hold to my teachings, you are really my disciples. Then you will KNOW the Truth and the Truth will make you free" (John 8:31-32). The same apostle who recorded those words of Jesus later writes a letter to some fellow believers encouraging them that they can KNOW that they have eternal life. He says, "And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may KNOW that you have eternal life" (I John 5:11-13).

We don't have to guess. We can KNOW. Now let's remember the words to the song we sang in Metro Thursday night. "All of life comes down to just one thing. That's to KNOW you, O Jesus, and to make you KNOWN." Anyone who doesn't KNOW will be penalized for guessing. Let's strive to eliminate the guesswork for them by making Him KNOWN by our words and actions.

What Happens if I Fail?

So, I was sitting in Starbucks yesterday studying for my big test on Saturday. I had just taken a break from the "Nature and Needs of Gifted and Talented Students" to catch up a little on my Bible study, "Believing God," when in walked a scantily clad woman who proceeded to the counter to order. She came and sat at the next table over, her top designed to show off her endowment/enhancement, whichever the case may be. I didn't think much of it, just contined studying the faith of Isaac and Joseph. A few moments later, Miss E/E was joined by a friend in much more modest workout attire.

They sat and talked and giggled a little. Suddenly, the thought crossed my mind, "those girls need Jesus." I shoved the thought back in my mind and continued my study which was asking me to apply the faith of our fathers to my own life there in the workbook. It took me a second to realize that the voice I had heard was not my own, but the Holy Spirit. I froze. My heart started beating faster and I sat there...I knew God wanted me to talk to them. The next thought was, "I do have some tracts in my bag." I tried to keep studying while praying, "God, if you want me to talk to them, open a door for conversation or something." What a faithless prayer! God obviously wanted me to talk to them! Why wouldn't He? These girls needed Jesus! And there I sat, with the Truth at my fingertips and even in my head...yes, I've been trained multiple times in evangelism. I know all the verses and even some extras that go with tough questions. So, why was I stuck there like a bump on a log hoarding the Truth to myself? I started praying for their souls, that God would speak to them and let them know their need for Him, but I was too scared to share it with them myself.

After about 10 minutes of agonizing over my fear of striking up a conversation with strangers, Miss E/E got up and left, accidentally bumping into a guy who had his back to her. He took the opportunity to watch her retreating form, much to the amusement of Miss Workout who was still sitting near me. I caught her eye and shared an amused smile...perfect door. But did I say anything? No, I was still praying for an "opening." Right away, Miss Workout got up and left. My heart sank. I had failed.

So, now what? I pray for forgiveness. I pray for another chance. I pray for the courage and boldness not to fail the next time. I keep praying for the souls of these two girls. I know God is bigger than my failures, but I missed out on the blessing of being used by Him...that's what happens when I fail. I could sit here and wallow in my failure and allow the enemy to convince me that I am totally unfit for Kingdom work. Instead of bemoaning my cowardice, however, I choose to remember the times I haven't shrunk back and God has used me (Heb 10:38). I go on in the strength of those victories remembering that I am not alone and that my struggle is not against flesh and blood...and I ask God to please redeem this situation by giving me an extra measure of boldness so that I will not fail again.

Will There be a Test Over This?

One of the most frustrating questions a teacher gets asked by students is "Will there be a test over this?" as if we were just telling them stuff for fun, not to actually educate them. My answer usually goes something like this, "No, I just thought y'all would be interested in conjugating irregular stem-changing verbs in the preterite, so I decided to put some up on the board for you" (I teach Spanish).

Despite my frustration with such questions, I've found myself doing the same thing to God. Have you ever noticed that when God wants to teach you something, you hear it over and over again from different sources in a short period of time? The pastor's sermon will be about that, then also the Sunday school lesson, then you'll read something on your own or a friend will call and say something similar. It's like "Ok, God, I'm listening!!"

But, then I'm always surprised when He puts what He's teaching me to the test. Lately He's been working on me in the areas of faith and contentment. No, actually, contentment isn't the right word. He wants me to have joy in the circumstances in which He's placed me and trust Him for everything. I've been learning how truly small my faith actually is. It's scary, in fact. Sunday school this week, my small group Bible study, a book I just read, several conversations with friends and this morning, an e-mail forward from Granddaddy have all been saying the same thing: "Trust Me."

Ok, God, I will trust you...but, will there be a test over this?