Gua-te-la-mal-a '07

As many of you know, I spent my Spring Break in Guatemala on a mission trip. This was my third jaunt to the land of volcanoes and it always amazes me how God does something new in and through me each time. Here are some highlights and lessons from my trip.

1) Victor, Ingrid, Jose and Maenor are students at Escuela Integrada with whom I got to share Christ. We had gone to one of the many ruins in Antigua to eat pizza and play with the students when suddenly, the groundskeeper comes out yelling at the kids telling them if they didn't respect the place they would never be allowed back. Come to find out, someone had written on a wall with a black marker. There was a private school there too and the principal of Escuela Integrada was highly upset that the guy assumed it was her kids because they were from the "poor school." Turns out, it was one of her kids, but that's beside the point. On the way back from the school, Victor was asking why the man was so mad. Somehow James (one of our group members) turned the question to the gospel...this is where I came in. I was able to tag team with James and share the gospel with Victor. When we got back to the school, several kids were really upset because their friend was in trouble for writing on the wall and was claiming she did it because she was possessed by demons. This gave me another opportunity to pray with the whole group of them and to share the Truth with a few who asked if I believed in spirits. That was a powerful time!

2) This Christmas, my cousin's fiance taught me the steps to solving the Rubik's Cube. I was passing on my new-found skill when it hit me that the first step is to make a cross. Then, as you do the second step, you have to continually go back to the cross and make sure you don't lose it. What an illustration! I took that and developed it a little further to make a gospel presentation as I solved the Cube (ask me sometime and I'll show you). Our first day in Guatemala, I was able to use the Cube to witness to a whole table full of teenagers at the mall. We followed it up with tracts and then prayed with them. What a crazy thing! Who knows what God's gonna' use!?!

3) Short term, long-term, career. These are the types of missionaries out there and I have up until now, only been the first, but this week while I was in Guatemala, God confirmed to me (again, because I've felt this call since Junior High) that He wants me to step it up and go long. So, I put in my application with the International Mission Board (IMB)...now to wait and see what God has next. My new friend Paula, who was part of our team, is in the same boat and we even talked about becoming roommates when we both get there...to Antigua, that is.

4) Use what you have. This was the devotional I read from "At His Feet" to our group on our last day. The passage was when Christ fed the 5,000 but the devotional had a different take from what I've heard before. It focused on the role of the disciples who only had 5 loaves and 2 fish that they'd bummed off some kid in the crowd. They offered what they had and Christ used it to feed a multitude. The author of the devotional was telling us that it's ok to pray for God to touch the nations and save the lost, but never to discount our role in that. What Jesus told the disciples when they urged Him to send the folks away to go buy food was "you give them something to eat." I'm sure their thought was, "Are you kidding me?" Obviously, He was not. It doesn't matter how small your offering to the Savior, He will multiply and use whatever you have to give.

Well, Those are some highlights and lessons from Guatemala '07. There is so much more that I could share, but for the sake of those who don't like to read lengthy blogs, I'll refrain. Follow the link below to see photos of our trip. There are a lot there, so I won't feel bad if you skim through them, but make sure you get to the part with Lake Atitlan. What a gorgeous bit of God's creation!

http://good-times.webshots.com/slideshow/558280195XYzMCN

And thanks a million to those who prayed and gave so I could go!

It's Not About Me

It really would be nice if I could remember that. There would be no posts like the previous one in which I confess discontent and distorted views of God.

Comfortingly, we can see most of the Bible characters learn this same lesson. Great men of the faith have also been here, done this. However taking comfort from being in good company isn't really where I was going with this.

I just want to assure the blogworld out there that I do know that life's not about me. God's not here to make me happy, but He does intend to glorify Himself through me. If that means through my blessings or through my struggles, to God be the Glory. John Piper says (adapting from his reading of C.S. Lewis) that "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." Not in the stuff He gives us, but IN HIM. I pray for all of us, you, me and my friends who neither blog nor lurk, that we will discover what that means to be satisfied in God and thus to glorify Him with our lives.

What's the Catch?

During another enlightening Starbuck's experience (in which I also discovered that although caramel and chocolate are both yummy, the "Grande Caramel Mocha" is just ok), I was confronted with a not so pretty understanding of how I view God.

I think I've been approaching my Father with an attitude of resentment because I feel like He's been holding out on me and I'm not getting all the good stuff He intends for me to have because there's something I still have to do. In the back of my mind, I come to Him in prayer with the mindset that He doesn't intend to really answer me on the things that I most especially want because somewhere along the way I failed to hit the right button (or perhaps I somehow hit the wrong button) and He's still punishing me for it. I keep thinking that the promises He gives us in Scripture come with a secret catch, some condition I haven't met and for that reason, I'm unworthy of His fulfilling them in my life.

Oh, deep down I know better, but that doesn't transfer over into the way I pray. I still pray assuming God's not going to answer me...not because He can't, but because He simply doesn't want to. Attributing that kind of cruelty and capriciousness to God is dangerous, foolhearty and downright dumb. I know God is GOOD and His desires for me are more than I can ask or imagine. The problem comes with my human impatience. Because God isn't answering in my time frame, I assume He doesn't care and isn't interested in my affairs. Because I've been asking for the same thing for 13 years, I've got it in my head that I've already got my answer and that answer is "no." Because I think God has said "no" to my request, I guess I feel like He's denying me something good. I feel He's chosen against me. And so insues the petulant fit, much like that of a child who asks for candy in the grocery store checkout and is denied her request. Forget that the parent has good reason for denying the request for candy...I want it and I want it NOW! Ok, sorry.

If God is like the parent in the grocery store, the petulant fit doesn't make Him want to hurry and honor my request, but to keep withholding until I grow up a little and am mature enough to handle what He has for me. But, in the meantime, He has already blessed me with so much. When I stop and take stock of my blessings, I find that I'm blessed beyond measure and way beyond what I deserve. I must remind myself often and regularly that I am so blessed that I can't even begin to count the ways.

Does anyone else share this struggle?

Covenant

To go on a mission trip with Houston's First Baptist, you have to sign a covenant saying you will pay for the full cost of the trip, you won't abandon the group or do anything inappropriate or disrespectful, you will be accountable to the leader of the group and respect his/her decisions, etc, etc.

And then came #6. "I will be faithful to daily prayer and devotions in preparation for this trip, as well as faithfully attending the Church I represent. If I struggle with these spiritual disciplines, I will seek help immediately."

I think God is trying to push me past my sentiments in the previous blog and show me the need for a more disciplined daily time with Him. I have already sought help with this from the commenter of the previous blog, but now I am beginning to realize that it's a legitimate need in my life.

I've been depending on those growth spurts to keep me going and leaned on previous times of intimacy rather than seeking daily intimacy through devotional bible reading and prayer. I've also depended too much on the previous "knowledge about God and His Word" gleaned from years of theological education, rather than seeking to really KNOW Him and truly cherish His Word. This is going to call for a change in daily time management and habits. If you're out there reading this...pray for me. Thanks!

Quiet Time

When I was a kid growing up in the First Baptist (Lake Jackson, not Houston) youth group, I remember all those talks the youth ministers and Sunday School teachers used to give us about having a "quiet time." We got special devotional books and cool teen journals, etc, etc. We had guides on what order to do our quiet time in and how long it should take and even what order to say our daily prayers. Every time, I would get this nagging guilty feeling that I was doomed because I didn't have a regular time with God and everyone else seemed to have it all together and be Masters of the Quiet Time. I, not so much. To this day, I struggle with the daily thing(Insert collective gasp here).

But, here's the thing. I wonder where the line is drawn between legalistic checking of the box "Bible read daily" and the real life experience of being in relationship with God. See, the way I see it (and I'm totally ok with being wrong) is that God wants us. He wants to be in relationship with us. That's a two-way street. But it's a personal, love-relationship, not a business one. We don't make conference calls and set up online web chats to do deals with people in Tokyo. I may not check the box daily, but I have a deep and passionate relationship with my Savior. I have learned and grown and changed and been used and found my true joy and peace in Him. I love His Word. I memorize it and cling to it and claim its promises. I talk to Him in the car, in the shower, in my room, by the lake, river, ocean, fountain, in countries near and far. I have seen His hand move in others' lives and been blessed to be used by Him.

Is it possible that the daily quiet time isn't so cut and dried as what those youth ministers and Sunday school teachers described (or rather prescribed)? Isn't it possible to have a comfortable silence with the Savior that doesn't involve either of us speaking? Is it perhaps those growth spurts during key times of our lives that keep us on the right track? Am I on the wrong track? Is someone out there reading this going, "wow, this girl needs help. She's way off on the whole 'spiritual disciplines thing.'" Maybe I am. But I don't think so. I think we beat ourselves up about not being "disciplined" when it's actually not God-given conviction, but self-imposed guilt. We DO need time with God. No relationship can flourish without times of intimacy. But rather than scourging ourselves for our lack of daily discipline, why not make the most of the deep, albeit potentially sporadic, times of fellowship, growth, prayer and Bible study? Why not make a vow to God to be His friend and make Him our confidant? I've found that sometimes the daily discipline of study is dry and unfruitful, while the sporadic times can be so much more fulfilling and nurturing.

Am I rationalizing? If so, somebody out there set me straight. For now, I will go on drinking daily of that which is already in my head and in my heart of God. I will pray and I will study and I will grow, but I will not wallow in guilt about my lack of a daily "quiet time."

Dwell
*Disclaimer: this is an extremely disjointed, stream of consciousness blog that may not make a bit of sense to anyone who reads it. Don't expect to follow this train of thought...I think it derailed.

I've been told it's time to blog again. I think there are only two people who still read my blog, but that's ok, this is more a time to get my thoughts out than to really say anything to anyone, so I'm blogging again.

I was driving home from Starbucks just now, mulling over the talk I'd just had with my good friend Arshunda and trying to decide what to blog about. In that talk, I had mentioned a Caedmon's Call song called "You Created." The chorus says, "You created nothing that gives me more pleasure than you. And you won't give me something that gives me more pleasure than you." That's so not how my thinking has gone lately. I've been caught up in seeking something, a relationship, a place to plug in at church, a new adventure, whatever, just something because I haven't really been content with God. I've honestly just plain failed to let Him be my source of joy. It's the same old, same old I've got to wrap my head around. We have a God-shaped vacuum that we're all trying to fill with world-shaped stuff and it doesn't work. It never has. It never will. Only when we realize and really buy into the truth that God designed us with that vacuum and God intends to fill it with Himself, do we find joy.

Arshunda and I also talked about going on the offensive to combat the lies of the enemy and fight for that joy and abundance we're promised in Scripture. It's human nature to hole up and defend yourself...to put up your fences, your fists, and protect, protect, protect. But, going on the offensive involves dying to self. It calls for reckless abandonment of security and exposing yourself to the potential for hurt or even death. Paul says we are to offer our bodies as living sacrifices. Jesus told us to die to ourselves. Those things happen on the battle field. They happen as we shift our perspective from inward, focusing on me and my needs to outward, seeing the needs of others. So many of us are seeking to know God's individual plan for our lives, when God wants us to see His big picture plan for the world.

If we can die to self, if we can shift our focus, exchange our temporal perspectives for God's eternal one, then we won't mess around with worrying about who likes whom and why am I not being asked out? Forgiveness won't be such a chore. We won't stress over what so and so said to us at work or why our boss only manages to see our shortcomings and mistakes rather than praise our strengths and successes. We won't be so selfish with our time and insist on getting home in time for the game or our favorite TV show. Who cares? Does it really matter?

That same song I quoted above begins with this question: "Who is like unto the Lord our God who dwelleth on high, who dwelleth on high?" The answer is no one. The truth is that we seek to fulfill our lives with so many petty things and we dwell on the lack of fulfillment they bring. I suggest we move. Take up a new dwelling. Dwell. It's a weird word. It can mean where we live, like our house. It can mean to abide, hang out, stick around, just be. It can be figurative, like what we allow our mind to dwell upon. Philippians tells us to dwell upon things that are pure and lovely, etc. Paul says elsewhere that it's in Him that we "live and move and have our being." In other words, in Christ, we are to dwell. Christ Himself told His followers to abide (dwell) in Him. And so I ask, what are we doing with our time and where are we dwelling?

Random thoughts from today's walk...

I went walking today and it only took 3 miles for me to realize how very selfish I can be. While walking, a million thoughts went through my head.

I pondered the words to the songs playing on my mp3 player and I realized that I have been stagnating...spending way too much time sitting in my room, watching movies, playing on my computer, reading, whatever... I spend a lot of time alone. Now, there is a time for that, don't get me wrong. We need to be alone sometimes. We need to get away and let God speak to us, but not all of my alone time has been spent pondering the deep things of God. Sure, some of it has, but not even a significant percentage, I must admit. And so it hit me as I walked, that life's not about me. I've heard it a million times and said it a few myself, but I think I'm starting to get it. It helps that I pondered this thought a bit the other day and wrote about it in my prayer journal (for those who don't know, that's like a blog that only God reads, usually written in a book full of blank paper with a pen...remember those?).

Anyway, one of the other things that went through my head was how the deep things of God are so simple and the complexities of the world are so shallow. People usually think to be deep, you must be complex, but there is nothing complex in the parables Jesus told...they were simple stories of observable situations with a much deeper meanings. Faith is simple. Sure, there are complexities that we go through, but those are hindrances to faith, often times brought on by the sin that so easily entangles or the sin of others in which we find ourselves victims. Regardless, they are to be thrown off and faith is to remain in all it's simplicity...the childlike belief that God is in control and that He cares about you individually.

And this concludes "random thoughts from today's walk." Tune in next time to find out what goes through Karla's brain when she walks again.

What's Wrong with Nirvana?
(not the singing group...we're not going there...)

The other night, I was having dinner with a teacher friend of mine at Freebirds (yum) and we we were talking about the Christian life and how difficult it can be at times. She mentioned Nirvana and how Buddhism has a pretty interesting way of looking at desire and how it should be handled. She made a point to say that Buddhism is not a religion, but a way of life. I hadn't thought of that before, but at the same time, if you think about it, Christianity is both a religion and a way of life. In fact, most religions are a way of life...or at least a set of guidelines by which to live life. I think Buddhism is also both a religion and a way of life.

But, that's actually an afterthought to the conversation we were having. While we were talking, my immediate thought with regard to Nirvana is that it falls short of dealing with the entire human experience. In essence, it throws the baby out with the bath water. I know it has to do with eliminating desires and it's goal is to reach a level of absence of feelings and escape the pain that comes from unfulfilled desires (Very reminiscent of the advice Yoda gave young Anakin with regard to his love for Padme).

However, not being a Buddhist, I don't really know that much about the idea of Nirvana, so I decided to read up a little more, so I could write from an informed perspective rather than an ignorant one. Here's what I discovered. There's a lot of gibberish surrounding definitions of the concept and a lot more terms that would have to be defined in order to even begin to understand what in the world they're talking about. Here's the opening paragraph from Wikipedia's article on Nirvana. It's the best synopsis I've found so far:

[Nirvana] is a mode of being that is free from mind-contaminants (Kilesa) such as lust, anger or craving. It is thus a state of great inner peace and contentment - the end of suffering, or Dukkha. The Buddha in the Dhammapada says of Nirvana that it is "the highest happiness." This is not the transitory, sense-based happiness of everyday life, but rather an enduring, transcendental happiness integral to the calmness attained through enlightenment.

Here are my thoughts. As I was saying earlier, Nirvana throws the baby out with the bathwater. What I mean is that in order to get rid of the natural desires of the flesh, one would also have to give up the joy involved in the fulfillment of those desires. I don't believe God made us to be stoics (another philosophy involving the abandonment of desire). He made us in His image, with feelings. He made us male and female and He designed us for relationships. Yes, sin came into the world and brought with it pain and suffering, but although it marred the image of God in man, it did not eliminate it. The goal of attaining enlightenment seems to me to be an utterly selfish one in which relationships, as well as desires, would have to be sacrificed. While we cannot seek to make ourselves happy solely through relationships with others, God did create us for a relationship with Him and it is only in restoring that relationship through the experience of salvation that we find the abundant life He intended for Adam and Eve.

Nirvana seeks to get rid of pain by getting rid of desire, but the problem with that is that pain is also part of the human experience and serves a very real and in the long run, welcome, purpose of making us stronger, more mature, and better able to relate to others. Also, pain and suffering help us to long for Heaven, the true place of fulfillment.

Here are some additional thoughts of my friend Brant on the subject:
Some of the concepts about nirvana and Buddhism are so abstract, they are kind of hard to grasp. I read that Buddha, as a young kid, was sheltered from different kinds of suffering...people of old age...sickness...etc. At 29 years of age, he sought to find the origin of suffering and how it could be overcome. I guess the goal of Buddhism is to obtain the state of nirvana. In doing this, it involves getting rid of the desires which in the end lead to suffering. I agree with you in that setting a goal of nirvana is a selfish one. It reminds of some new age thoughts that are centered around "feeling good." I am also reminded of a saying I heard one time, "The worship service is not about giving you goose bumps! When you leave a service, you should not be concerned with how YOU feel, but how does God feel. Was he lifted up?" (paraphrase)
For a Christian, we are told in scripture that there will be persecution..suffering. There is no way to escape it. For some, it may be emotional suffering, but for some, such as persecuted believers and martyrs, there is actual physical suffering. Even though suffering may not be pleasant, it definitely has its place in a Christian's life. It reminds us of our weakness, teaches us about God, builds perserverance and helps us understand Christ's sacrifice. I found this passage Matt. 5:4..it says, "Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. " I look to our perfect example of how we should live...Jesus Christ...and how he suffered. It weird we can find enjoyment through suffereing for the cause, but its true.

What do you think?

Cry Out to Jesus

After dropping Granddaddy off at his church, I was headed back to the house to get ready to go to mine when I passed a house with an assortment of inflatable Christmas decorations...you know the six-foot Santa, the Christmas Merry-Go-Round and of course the giant Frosty. As I approached, I could tell Frosty was holding something in his hand, but I couldn't tell what it was until I got closer. It was a candy cane-outstretched like he was offering it to someone, only the air had seeped out and the candy cane was drooping, just like the real ones when they're broken in half, but still hanging on by the plastic wrapper. It hit me that sometimes we look like that to God. Holding out our broken lives saying "Here you go, God. It's broken, but it's all I've got."

When I was a child, there was a song by the Gaithers that I loved called "Give Them All." I can't remember all the words, but the chorus went something like this,

Give them all,
Give them all
Give them all to Jesus.
Shattered dreams
Wounded hearts
And broken toys.
Give them all
Give them all
Give them all to Jesus,
And He will turn
Your sorrows
Into joys.

I was too young to understand the shattered dreams and wounded hearts part, but I got the broken toys. Now that I'm older, the toys aren't so much what I mourn, but the disappointments in life make me feel like that inflatable Frosty holding out my droopy candy cane saying, "God, can you fix it, or better yet, can I have a new one?"

The problem of pain exists and it's not getting better this side of Heaven. We're all victims, 100%, of the pain, sorrow and frustration that plagues humanity and while we may be aware that the ultimate cause is sin, and that we live in a fallen world, it's hard to find comfort in that. The only way to find comfort is to bring our sorrows to the Cross.

We often think of the Cross as only a place to get our sins forgiven and have our way paid to Heaven, but the truth is that not only was our redemption purchased there, but all the effects of sin were washed away there. We can have peace in the midst of trouble if we take our anxieties to Christ. Even if the sorrow is our own doing and we have failed miserably, God can redeem our biggest failures and make something beautiful come of them.

So many books and songs have been written addressing this very situation of humanity. The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis; Where's God When it Hurts by Philip Yancey; When God Doesn't Make Sense by James Dobson...and the list goes on.

The CD in my car's stereo right now has a song by Third Day called "Cry out to Jesus." It says no matter your situation, whether you are sad because of a tragic death, stuck in a marriage that isn't working out, fighting an addiction that won't let go or just plain lonely, the answer is to cry out to Jesus.

So, if you're feeling like Frosty with your broken candy cane of a life and there seems to be no light at the end of your tunnel, I pray you'll cry out to Jesus and let Him turn your sorrows into joys.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

React or Respond?

Have you ever accidentally stepped on a dog's tail? You get one of two reactions: 1) a yelp of pain (usually followed by a whimper as the pain subsides), or 2) a snap of anger (also a reaction to pain). When a dog yelps, it's not because he is mad; it's because he is hurt. When he snaps, it's not because he is mean; it's because he is hurt.

We as humans are more in control of our reactions at times than animals, but in a way, we are just like them. When someone steps on our pride or our feelings, we often react with a raw emotion such as anger or hurt, which causes us to either yelp in pain and retreat to lick our wounds or lash out in anger and seek to inflict similar pain in retaliation.

As we've been learning in Sunday school lately, there are actually three wrong responses to conflict: 1) attack-speak out in justification/lash out in retaliation; 2) retreat-run away from the person/situation (avoidance); or 3) surrender-cower to that person/situation and let it control you or have its way. None of these really solves the problem, in fact, they usually complicate and prolong it.

But, then there is a higher way. It is the way Christ exemplified for us while on this earth. He encountered conflict all the time and He always knew how to handle the situation. Sometimes He did speak out in righteous anger. Other times, He compassionately opened the eyes of the attacker to allow them to see the reason behind their attack. And still other times, He simply walked away from the situation knowing "His time had not yet come."

The problem is training yourself to take that higher road. And even more challenging is learning to discern which response is most appropriate in each circumstance. How can we do this? I think the answer lies in staying closely connected to Christ. The more we study His Word and examine what Christ did, analyzing His words and actions for the sake of emulating them, the better chance we have of correctly identifying the situation and responding to it as He would do or as He would have us do. One of the keys is learning not to react immediately, but to check your pride and take a step back to give yourself time to correctly respond.

We're all human and God's not finished with us yet. We have times when we are hurt and our flesh takes over and we react. Maturity is when those times become less and less frequent and more often than not, you do begin to take the higher road.

React or Respond? (Part II)

This was on My Yahoo! homepage today:
Word of the Day
Information provided by Petersons.com
adversity
DEFINITION: (noun) a state or condition that is contrary to one of well-being.

EXAMPLE: It's easy to be patient and generous when things are going well; a person's true character is revealed under adversity.

I thought it fitting and slightly ironic, though certainly not coincidental, that I saw this word after I posted the above.

Oh, one more addendum:
Another source of reaction rather than response is fear. Fear of how that person views you. Fear that they might be right. Fear of being hurt again. Fear of not being able to control them or the situation. Yeah, fear's not so good, but according to the Scripture, there is no fear in love because perfect love casts out fear. So, if we recognize we are wholly and dearly loved by Christ and if we recognize that our attacker is as well, then we are more able to respond rather than react.

Ok, that's all I have to say about that.

A Good Road?

David Livingstone was a missionary to Africa, one of the first of his kind. He went where no British, in fact, no white man had ever gone. Originally, a doctor, Livingstone made his way into the hearts of the people offering medical attention and solving problems of sanitation and unhealthy habits. Naturally curious and adventurous, Livingstone blazed trails mapping out the country and sending his findings back to Great Britian. He was the one who named Lake Victoria and Victoria Falls for the current queen of England. Today, statues and plaques can be found all over the continent honoring him as a beloved doctor and bearer of the Good News.

Once, while Dr. Livingstone was exploring new territory and discovering new people groups, he received a letter from the British Missionary Society telling him that if he had found a good road to where he was, they would send more men to help him. He wrote back with this message, "If the men you have to send will only come if there is a good road, they are not the men I want. I only want men who are willing to come where there is no road at all."

When my pastor quoted this letter in church today, it hit me that I don't know which kind of 'man' I am. Am I the type who only wants to go where there's a good road or am I willing to take the more difficult path into unknown territory and blaze a trail? Like the poem says, am I one who would take the "road less traveled?"

The Christian life that is safe and comfortable is usually also without fruit. It is those who live recklessly and passionately for God that see his hand move mightily through their lives. God did incredible, world-changing things through this Dr. Livingstone because he was one who did not need a good road. Are you?

Veterans' Day

If you're like me, when you hear the word 'veteran,' you think of old guys sitting around the VFW hall playing dominoes or one-legged men in wheelchairs holding cardboard signs at the intersections of large cities. But, it hit me recently that with the Gulf War in the 80's and the current War on Terror, there are veterans that are actually younger than I, in fact, my little brother is one.

Yep, that's right, my baby brother, two years younger than me, has fought in a war and now bears the title of veteran. That changes my perspective on this upcoming holiday. So, today in advisory period (aka- study hall), I had my students write thank you cards to the men and women who are currently fighting for our freedom and will hopefully come home with the title of veteran.

Not to downplay what these brave soldiers are doing, I can't help but think of the war we're all a part of as Christians. The Bible tells us that we are to engage in combat with the enemy, but the weapons of our warfare are not physical, but spiritual. We're to dress ourselves with the armor of God and take up the shield of faith and the Sword of the Spirit which is the Bible. We're to battle in prayer. We're to take back captives and free the prisoners by sharing our faith and admonishing or encouraging our brothers in their walks with God. In a way, if we are engaging in this battle, we too may bear the title of veteran.

So, this November 11, as you remember and honor those who have fought and are fighting for your freedom as an American, take a moment to think and pray about what contribution God would have you make to the spiritual war that goes on all around you. Check your gear and make sure you're protected and armed. Read Ephesians 6:10-18 and 2 Corinthians 10:3-4 and step up and join the fight.

Grateful and Better
(or perhaps more aptly titled, "No Longer Jealous and Bitter")

This is for all the people who read my previous post and are worried about me. :) I did that praying that I was talking about and also did some more thinking, spent some time with good Christian friends, listened to some Chris Tomlin and Third Day (two of my favorite artists), went to church and studied some Scripture.

Life is good. Like one of my friends said in a recent e-mail, I'm doing pretty well if my main problem in life is being single. I still haven't written that best-seller and I am still dateless, but God is good. Not just good, He's sufficient. Every day there is something new to thank God for. Whether it's simply the fact that you woke up this morning or something huge like finding out your book is being published or starting a new relationship; God is there. His presence is more desireable than any blessing He can give.

Like being with your friends...you don't want to be with them for the things they give you. You simply enjoy their company. That's how God's presence is. God is not a Cosmic vending machine. He is a friend of sinners. How amazing is that? If you got to visit the White House or eat lunch with a celebrity, you'd talk about it for months. But think about this-you get to hang out with the One who designed every tree and animal and the human body and the veins on the back of a leaf and the sunset over the Pacific. That's your God. And not only that, He's your friend.

So, if you were worried about me being jealous and bitter, know that I was just having a "moment." We all have those. It's what we do with them in life that determines who we are.

Jealous AND Bitter?

A girl from my old Sunday School class at Second Baptist just published a book. When I got the e-mail telling me about this new book, my instant response was jealousy. I've always wanted to write a book and have it published. And to top it off, her book is on the same topic as a book I've started, but never finished. I took note of my initial reaction, then decided to move past it and go ahead and read the first chapter which can be accessed online.

As I read, God used this girl to speak directly to my heart. It occurred to me that I'm starting to get bitter because life hasn't met my expectations. I feel like God has forgotten me because I'm still single. Sure, I can quote the Scriptures about God knowing the plans He has for me and not being anxious about anything, but praying about everything. I can spout all the pithy mantras about God's timing and using my singleness to its utmost potential. I can remind myself of all the blessings I do have and all the things I've gotten to do in my life so far.

I can counsel others on trusting God, but there are just those times when I get tired of waiting and feel left behind, like that time Mom thought Dad was picking me up from school and Dad thought Mom had me. I sat outside the gym until it started to get dark and finally a kind policeman stopped and took me home only to discover neither of them was there. I ended up at the police station waiting for them to get home and answer the phone to learn where I was. Aren't you glad we have cell phones now?

Well, anyway, I've got some praying to do. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to be jealous of my girl friends' success or happiness. I want to be able to say with Paul that "to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Phil 2:20). I want to be so much more anxious to get to heaven than to get down the aisle. I want to want Jesus more than a husband...not that I can get rid of the desire to be married. I believe that is God-given, but I want to give that desire its rightful place in my total mindset.

By the way, I do want to reccommend my friend's book. I think it could help others besides me.

Heresy, Blasphemy and Episode III

I was at a friend's house tonight watching Star Wars, Episode III and we were commenting on how New Age Yoda's instructions to Anakin Skywalker were. He told him that he needed to let go of all attachments and get rid of all feelings-love and hate, fear and anger in order to be a good Jedi Knight. Of course, if you've seen the movie, you know that Anakin doesn't follow Yoda's advice and ends up becoming Darth Vader after making some really dreadful decisions, thus seemingly proving Yoda right.

I was telling the others present that I don't like this Episode for that very reason. It's painful to watch someone with a dilemma like Skywalker's choose wrong, even if he thinks he's doing it for the right reasons.

Now, I know some of my friends out there in blog world may be shocked at my criticism of their beloved Star Wars, and may be even now accusing me of heresy, but that's ok. I do realize that everything works out in the end and Skywalker eventually does what is necessary to "bring balance to the Force," it's just sad that there are so many casualties along the way. Yeah, that's what's sad. But what's scary is the fact that so many people watch these movies and are unable to separate the drama and action from the philosophy and heresy woven throughout the six episodes.

Whether conciously or not, we can be affected by Yoda's advice to close ourselves off from attachments that could lead to painful experiences. We put up walls to protect ourselves from situations where we might get hurt or become angry. After all, look where it got Anakin. But, that's the gospel according to Yoda. Jesus says just the opposite, and the apostles John and Paul reiterate that we are to love one another; hate what is evil, cling to what is good; be angry, but do not sin; fear the Lord.

Can you imagine living in a world where we were told not to have emotions? That would make us more like droids than humans. Part of being created in the image of God is our ability to feel, to love, to express emotion. There is no Force to be balanced out with Nirvana-like removal of attachments. The world needs all the love we can give and God's power that is shown through His people fulfilling the purpose of the Church, is more amazing than any Jedi mind trick or use of the Force.

Letting down your walls and letting God love people through you almost certainly will expose you to painful situations, but consider the alternative-a life that is powerless and devoid of joy. Which would you choose?

Oops!

When I signed on to Yahoo! today, there was an article on the homepage about a casino owner in Vegas who accidentally poked a hole in an original Picasso painting he had just sold for $139 million! Of course, he did the right thing by releasing the buyer of his obligation to pay up on the damaged goods, but the story reminded me of how temporary this Earth and all its valuables really are.

For one thing, it amazes me that anyone would pay millions of dollars for a piece of cloth with paint on it. Who gets to say which paintings are more valuable than others? And now that the painting is no longer in perfect condition, how much is it worth? The guy's going to keep the painting and have it repaired, but would he ever be able to sell it now?

Aren't you glad that God doesn't treat us like that painting? We have supreme value because Jesus paid for us with His life, but what if God had decided we weren't worth anything anymore because we were "damaged goods" after the fall? When this life is over and all the Picasso's are burned up (along with all the other expensive stuff we spend too much money on), what will remain? We will. Man's soul will outlast all the art, all the technology, all the stuff. That should make us realize the value of people over everything else and it should challenge us to treat people as the supremely valuable creation that they are. Each individual life is worth infinite Picasso paintings.

That's why Jesus said "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also" (Matthew 6:19-21).

That treasure He's talking about is the souls that will be in heaven because you told them the truth about Christ. There's nothing else we can put in storage there. How awesome will it be to get to heaven and be greeted by our "treasure" in the form of people we made an eternal impact upon.

So, poor guy who ruined his Picasso painting. Let's pray he got a glimpse of the temporal nature of earthly things.

Forward Progress

It's football season. One of the only redeeming aspects of the NFL is getting to see your favorite college players take that step "up" and try to make it in the big arena. I put "up" in quotes because if you're like me, you prefer watching college ball over pro any day. So, it's time to don your favorite team's shirt and spend your Saturdays flipping between games revelling in the school spirit, the upsets and the victories, the huge plays and the "Hi Mom" signs that make up college football.

Now, even if you're not a fan, and you don't know much about the game, most people know that the goal is to get the football across the goal line to score a touchdown. Of course, there are other ways to score involving kicking, tackling in the opponents' end zone, etc., but the most common (and most effective pointwise) way to score is the touchdown. To get there, your team must make forward progress. Either by passing or running with it, the ball must get across that line.

The same goes with life. The goal is to win and the way to win is to score against the Enemy. To score against the Enemy, we must make forward progress.
Ways to score against the Enemy:
1) Surrender your life to Christ (salvation).
--John 10:10 says, "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly."
2) Surrender your life to be used by God
--I Corinthians 15:57-58 says, "But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, for you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."
--Romans 12:1-2 says, "I urge you therefore, to offer up your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God which is your spiritual act of worship. Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will know what God's will is-His good, pleasing and perfect will."
3) Through God's grace, conquer personal sin
--Ephesians 4:17-24 (Contemporary English Version) says,
17 As a follower of the Lord, I order you to stop living like stupid, godless people. 18 Their minds are in the dark, and they are stubborn and ignorant and have missed out on the life that comes from God. They no longer have any feelings about what is right, 19 and they are so greedy that they do all kinds of indecent things.
20-21 But that isn’t what you were taught about Jesus Christ. He is the truth, and you heard about him and learned about him. 22 You were told that your foolish desires will destroy you and that you must give up your old way of life with all its bad habits. 23 Let the Spirit change your way of thinking 24 and make you into a new person. You were created to be like God, and so you must please him and be truly holy.

There are many other ways to make forward progress in the Christian life, but these are a few of the big ones...the touchdowns, if you will.

One thing my pastor said on Sunday really hit home with me. He opened his sermon by saying that 3 steps forward and 2 steps back is still 1 step forward. Life is all about forward strides and setbacks. The problem is that so many of us focus on the 2 steps back and let them paralyze us rather than taking stock and realizing that hey, we just made forward progress. It may not have been much, but at least it was in the right direction.

In football, the defense is supposed to tackle the guy with the ball to keep him from going any farther forward. Sometimes they don't knock him down, but the ball is considered down because the defense has "stopped forward progress" by getting in the way of the player with the ball or pushing him backward. Don't let the Enemy stop your forward progress. He will point to your 2 steps back and discourage you saying, "you'll never get this Christian walk thing right. You might as well quit trying." When he does that, point to that step forward and remind him (and yourself) that you are already on the winning team.

Lonely in a Crowd

Starbucks is a great place to get some work done. Yesterday, I sat in my room all day and "worked" on papers that needed to be graded and recorded. I took frequent breaks to check my e-mail, surf the web or play a game on the computer. Not only that, but there was football on tv. I mean, I HAD to watch football, right? Needless to say, I didn't get much done. That meant that today was the day to finish up. So, after lunch, I grabbed my school bag and headed to the Starbucks. I mean, I was serious. With the help of a Grande Carmel Macciatto, those papers got graded in about two hours. Did I mention that I'd spent all day on them yesterday? Anyway, to the point of my story...

I finished up around 8:00pm, so I decided to go check out CityFest and see if things were still going on there. I found a great parking spot since a lot of folks with kids were leaving. As I wandered up to the main stage I started to feel really lonely. I was supposed to go with some girls from church, but that fell through. I made it to the stage right as Luis Palau was finishing his message. I realized if I'd come earlier, I could have helped out with decision counseling or something, but I hadn't been on the ball enough to sign up and show up.

So here I was, wandering through the crowd looking for familiar faces. I saw a few, but they were with significant others, so I kept walking. Chris Tomlin was about to go on, so I stuck around. As he started leading the crowd in worship, that lonely feeling intensified. Here were all these people with their friends and families around them worshipping God and I was all alone. I watched the people raising their hands, eyes closed, lost in the moment of worship and I thought this is what Heaven will be like, only without the loneliness and I can't wait for that day when I won't ever feel alone in a crowd again.

Then it hit me the words I was singing. "Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough for me." I was singing because I knew the words, but I wasn't really singing to God. I wasn't taking to heart the fact that even though I was there alone, I wasn't really alone and not only that, but the God who was there with me, in me, was enough for me. I won't tell you that I instantly felt good about being there alone. After all, God did design us for relationships, but I knew I would be ok and that even though I was experiencing a moment of loneliness, I was there for a reason. I needed to learn to lean on God's grace and find it enough for me in that moment. I stayed to the end and even bought a CD, then left still feeling alone, but knowing that no matter how lonely I feel, there will always be enough grace for me. I'm challenged as I struggle with my singleness and as I try to figure out God's purpose for my life, to turn those struggles and fears over to the only One who can meet my every need. His grace is enough...

"For the LORD is a sun and a shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Oh LORD almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you." Ps. 84:11-12

DIE-HARD ASTROS FANS ANONYMOUS

I went to get my haircut today and found a soulmate in Veronica, the hairdresser. I was overjoyed to find another girl out there who loves the Astros as much as I do and keeps on believing! There are two teachers in my lunch hour who are also abreast on the latest Astros news and can converse intelligently on the ins and outs of the team and the game. It's so refreshing to know I'm not alone.

It's also nice to know that there are some people out there who would never dream of taking my phone away just because I was checking the score. Those who would, and have, will remain nameless (unless it happens again) because they should feel the guilt.

NEVER STOP BELIEVING!!

Ouch, That Hurt!

Something happened recently that hurt my pride. I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say that I was not a happy camper. As I simmered in my frustration, I searched for the source of the pain. I could point to the situation and the people involved and blame them for it. I could go through all the details and the "if only's" that would have made things turn out more pleasantly for me.

But, instead, I asked God why I was so hurt. I was surprised with the answer. It occurred to me suddenly and alarmingly that I was hurt because I still had pride left in me to be hurt. I mean, if I were dead to self, this situation would not have affected me like it did. Am I on the right track here? What do you think? Is it possible to get to the point where your pride can't be hurt?