What Happens if I Fail?

So, I was sitting in Starbucks yesterday studying for my big test on Saturday. I had just taken a break from the "Nature and Needs of Gifted and Talented Students" to catch up a little on my Bible study, "Believing God," when in walked a scantily clad woman who proceeded to the counter to order. She came and sat at the next table over, her top designed to show off her endowment/enhancement, whichever the case may be. I didn't think much of it, just contined studying the faith of Isaac and Joseph. A few moments later, Miss E/E was joined by a friend in much more modest workout attire.

They sat and talked and giggled a little. Suddenly, the thought crossed my mind, "those girls need Jesus." I shoved the thought back in my mind and continued my study which was asking me to apply the faith of our fathers to my own life there in the workbook. It took me a second to realize that the voice I had heard was not my own, but the Holy Spirit. I froze. My heart started beating faster and I sat there...I knew God wanted me to talk to them. The next thought was, "I do have some tracts in my bag." I tried to keep studying while praying, "God, if you want me to talk to them, open a door for conversation or something." What a faithless prayer! God obviously wanted me to talk to them! Why wouldn't He? These girls needed Jesus! And there I sat, with the Truth at my fingertips and even in my head...yes, I've been trained multiple times in evangelism. I know all the verses and even some extras that go with tough questions. So, why was I stuck there like a bump on a log hoarding the Truth to myself? I started praying for their souls, that God would speak to them and let them know their need for Him, but I was too scared to share it with them myself.

After about 10 minutes of agonizing over my fear of striking up a conversation with strangers, Miss E/E got up and left, accidentally bumping into a guy who had his back to her. He took the opportunity to watch her retreating form, much to the amusement of Miss Workout who was still sitting near me. I caught her eye and shared an amused smile...perfect door. But did I say anything? No, I was still praying for an "opening." Right away, Miss Workout got up and left. My heart sank. I had failed.

So, now what? I pray for forgiveness. I pray for another chance. I pray for the courage and boldness not to fail the next time. I keep praying for the souls of these two girls. I know God is bigger than my failures, but I missed out on the blessing of being used by Him...that's what happens when I fail. I could sit here and wallow in my failure and allow the enemy to convince me that I am totally unfit for Kingdom work. Instead of bemoaning my cowardice, however, I choose to remember the times I haven't shrunk back and God has used me (Heb 10:38). I go on in the strength of those victories remembering that I am not alone and that my struggle is not against flesh and blood...and I ask God to please redeem this situation by giving me an extra measure of boldness so that I will not fail again.